Sheldon: What's all this? It looks like algorithms for a searchable database.
Dr. Linkletter: At a glance, anything can look like an algorithm for a searchable database. [off Sheldon's stern look] Very well, it's an algorithm for a searchable database.
Sheldon: That was my idea.
Dr. Linkletter: If you'll recall, it was our idea.
Sheldon: Are you programming a database for him? [Toby looks to Dr. Linkletter]
Dr. Linkletter: Go ahead.
Toby: Yeah.
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah.

Sheldon: But I'm trying to get out of the house on Sunday.
Dr. Linkletter: Why?
Sheldon: The father and the brother of the woman my brother impregnated are coming over to watch sports with my brother and my father.
Dr. Linkletter: So you're trying to avoid a male bonding experience?
Sheldon: At all cost.
Dr. Linkletter: You know, son, as scientists, we're often teamed with people that we don't know. The ability to bond and build relationships, that's- that's an essential skill.
Sheldon: So you're suggesting I use this gathering as an opportunity to better those skills?
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly.
Sheldon: Very well. I'll give it a go.

Dr. John Sturgis: I heard Sheldon is working with Prakash.
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah, poor Prakash.
Dr. John Sturgis: [chuckles] Sheldon can be a bit much sometimes, but you have to admit he has a remarkable mind.
Dr. Linkletter: As he will be the first to tell you.
Dr. John Sturgis: [chuckling] I actually miss him.
Dr. Linkletter: I suppose things are a bit more lively when he's around.
Dr. John Sturgis: Wouldn't it be something if he really did find life on other planets?
Dr. Linkletter: He would immediately become the most famous scientist in the history of mankind. [John chuckles and walks off] Where are you going?
Dr. John Sturgis: Just to see if he needs any help.
Dr. Linkletter: Wait, I'll come with you.

Sheldon: [on the phone] I don't like it here. I miss being the smartest one in class.
Dr. Linkletter: Son, if you're always the smartest, you're never learning anything.
Sheldon: Interesting. So what do I do?
Dr. Linkletter: Listen.
Sheldon: I'm listening.
Dr. Linkletter: No, that's the answer. Try doing something you're truly awful at: just shut up and listen.
Sheldon: But what if I...
Dr. Linkletter: When you're in class, listen.
Sheldon: But I could... [Linkletter hangs up]
Dr. Linkletter: Guess I should pee.

Sheldon: Hello.
Mary: Oh, good, you're here. Oh, thank you for bringing him, Dr. Linkletter.
Georgie: Well, you hungry? Have a seat.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I do have a half can of tuna waiting for me at home, but what the hey?

President Hagemeyer: Well, I hope you two are happy. Sheldon is being recruited by Princeton, by Stanford, MIT, Caltech. We are losing him, and you two have done nothing.
Dr. Linkletter: What can we do? Those are some of the best schools in the world.
President Hagemeyer: We have a wonderful graduate program for physics.
Dr. Linkletter: Actually...
President Hagemeyer: You're the chair of the department.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, and the program is far from wonderful.
Dr. John Sturgis: That said, our animal husbandry department is first-rate.

Dr. John Sturgis: So wait a minute. Are you saying that the particle should be understood as a sequence of functions executed in a manifold?
Dr. Linkletter: He said it, not me.
Sheldon: Actually, that's correct.
Dr. Linkletter: We were both thinking it. That's what's important.
Sheldon: So that would mean...
Dr. Linkletter: Gravity is just the residue of forces within manifolds?
Sheldon: Are you asking me or telling me?
Dr. Linkletter: Telling?
Sheldon: You're right.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh. [John and Linkletter high-five]

Dr. Linkletter: My goodness, you're as funny as you are beautiful.
Meemaw: That's a nice thing to say to your friend's girlfriend.
Dr. John Sturgis: Actually, I don't think it is so nice. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were sweet-talking my date right in front of me.
Dr. Linkletter: You're a pretty smart man, John. Trust your gut.

Dr. Linkletter: Hello?
Meemaw: Hi, Dr. Linkletter. It's Connie Tucker.
Dr. Linkletter: Connie. To what do I owe the pleasure?
Meemaw: I need a favor.
Dr. Linkletter: Of course. Anything. Should we discuss it over dinner?
Meemaw: I'll take a rain check on that. I was hoping that my grandson could join in your physics class until John is, uh back.
Dr. Linkletter: From the mental hospital?
Meemaw: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: The one he never told you he'd been in before?
Meemaw: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: A curious ethical choice on his part, if you ask me.
Meemaw: Can he take the class or not?
Dr. Linkletter: Of course. Although, I never taught a child before. Is he potty-trained?

Mary: [on the phone] Dr. Linkletter, what can I do for you?
Dr. Linkletter: Hello, Mrs. Cooper. I just wanted to let you know, with Dr. Sturgis away, I'll be available should Sheldon need anything.
Mary: Oh, that is very comforting to know. Thank you so much.
Dr. Linkletter: His well-being is important to me, as was made abundantly clear by my boss.
Mary: Okay, well, we are truly grateful.
Dr. Linkletter: Now, I'm not terribly experienced around children. If he needs to use the restroom, I don't have to go in with him, do I?

Dr. Linkletter: Professor Ericson, I insist that you speak to this young man and explain to him that reality is real, and it's possible to know things as fact.
Professor Ericson: The class is called "Introduction to Philosophy." That's what I did.
Meemaw: Well, un-introduce him.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, he's at this school 'cause of his brilliant scientific mind, and he spent my last class talking about processed cheese.
Meemaw: Sheldon, is that true?
Sheldon: Nothing's true.
Dr. Linkletter: You see what you've done? You broke him.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, who's it gonna be?
[cut to:]
Dr. Lee: Gentlemen, I'm Dr. Carol Lee, director of the new experimental cosmology center.
Sheldon: What makes you qualified to lead our project?
Dr. John Sturgis: Yeah.
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah.
Dr. Lee: Well, I have a PhD in physics from Berkeley, I worked at IBM's Watson Research Center as lead of the materials research group, and I raised three little boys, which I understand you've been acting like.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds like she can handle it.

Sheldon: When should we publish?
Dr. Linkletter: Not yet. There's only a three-sigma significance. It needs to be higher.
Dr. John Sturgis: That'd require a much more robust signal.
Dr. Linkletter: And you know what that means.
Dr. John Sturgis: Road trip to the super telescope?
Dr. John Sturgis: Road trip to the super telescope, baby.
Sheldon: When are we leaving?
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, right. You.

Dr. Linkletter: This isn't exactly the firehouse I was expecting.
Sheldon: Are minors allowed in here?
Dr. Linkletter: No one should be allowed in here.
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sure they have a phone we can use. Excuse me, barkeep? Could we get some help over here?
Dr. Linkletter: And don't say "barkeep."

Dr. Linkletter: What's wrong?
Dr. John Sturgis: Zero.
Dr. Linkletter: Zero is wrong?
Sheldon: Zero doesn't exist.
Dr. Linkletter: I don't understand.
Dr. John Sturgis: Neither do we.
Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, there's no such thing as zero.
Dr. Linkletter: That's preposterous. Of course there is.
Dr. John Sturgis: Prove it, tough guy.