Dr. John Sturgis: Remarkable work. Well done, lad.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, first paper published at 14. Oh. You're officially a wunderkind.
Sheldon: Did you catch my sly in-joke about a tesseract?
Dr. John Sturgis: Did I?
Dr. Linkletter: I did.
Dr. John Sturgis: Did you?
Dr. Linkletter: [quietly] I don't know.

President Hagemeyer: So two of the top minds at our school are flummoxed by a 14-year-old.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, "flummoxed" is a strong word.
Dr. Linkletter: But accurate.
Dr. John Sturgis: Accurate.
Dr. Linkletter: Mm-hmm.

Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, Sheldon.
Dr. Linkletter: There's my guy.
Sheldon: Oh, hello. Is everything okay?
Dr. John Sturgis: Does something have to be wrong to hang out with a pal?
Dr. Linkletter: Here at East Texas Tech, we're not just your faculty, we're your friends.
Sheldon: In the past, you made it very clear that we're not friends.
Dr. Linkletter: That's just me giving you the business the way buddies do, you little scamp. [playfully punches Sheldon in the shoulder] Sorry, that was a little hard.

Dr. Linkletter: Son, I know you have a lot of options for grad school, and I'm sure you'll make the right choice for yourself and your sweet, aging grandma.
Dr. John Sturgis: Who will miss you so much if you leave.
Dr. Linkletter: Moon Pie... isn't that what she calls you?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. John Sturgis: Sweet.
Dr. Linkletter: So sweet.

Dr. John Sturgis: Is it possible that we're too old to learn new things?
Dr. Linkletter: Nonsense. This would have been over my head even as a young man.
Dr. John Sturgis: Maybe we just need someone to explain it to us.
Dr. Linkletter: Are you talking about Sheldon?
Dr. John Sturgis: I'm sure he'd be happy to help.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, that's what I'm afraid of. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he's smarter than us.
Dr. John Sturgis: But he is smarter than us.
Dr. Linkletter: I know that and you know that, but he can never know that.

Dr. Linkletter: We don't need open strings. We just connect them to a D-brane.
Sheldon: But your theories can't recreate the known symmetries of the real world.
Meemaw: Everything okay in here?
Sheldon: More than okay. We're having a spirited debate on superstring theory.
Dr. Linkletter: Very spirited.
Meemaw: Well, you ready to go home?
Sheldon: Yes. Unless Dr. Linkletter-
Dr. Linkletter: He's ready.
Meemaw: Well, I guess we'll see you next week.
Dr. Linkletter: Sounds good. No wonder Sturgis went crazy.

Meemaw: So what's with the box?
Sheldon: The experiment needs to be in complete darkness to work.
Dr. Linkletter: We watch these monitors for the results. Okay, all that's left is to turn on the cameras. Sheldon, will you get the lights?
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Meemaw: Is that to make it more dramatic?
Dr. Linkletter: It's so that we can better see the flashes on the monitor. But a little drama never hurts. [Meemaw chuckles]

Sheldon: You see it, right?
Dr. Linkletter: That Dr. Sturgis was correct and I need to eat crow and go back to him?
Sheldon: Yes.
Dr. Linkletter: Let's just give it another moment. [water gurgles]

Dr. Linkletter: All right, Sheldon, time to turn in your test.
Sheldon: I'm not done yet.
Dr. Linkletter: [sighs] I know you like to add your own "better questions" at the end, but for the last time, I don't count them.
Sheldon: I just need a few more minutes on this problem.
Dr. Linkletter: That's an easy one. Just apply the zeroes of the Bessel function.
Sheldon: I know what I have to do.
Dr. Linkletter: Is this is a tantrum? I've heard children your age like to throw them.

Dr. John Sturgis: Does it go straight like this for a while?
Dr. Linkletter: It's Texas. Goes straight like this for the rest of our lives. You thinking of giving it a try?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there aren't any cars around. Uh, seems like a good place to practice.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. I could use a break.
Dr. John Sturgis: This is exciting. I'm all atingle.
Sheldon: You are not peeing in a bottle.

Dr. John Sturgis: Ooh, perhaps the cold dark matter we're looking for is not the axion but the majoron.
Sheldon: Uh-huh.
Dr. John Sturgis: That's it? I just laid down some big boy science.
Sheldon: Sorry. We lost a great man today, and no one seems to care.
Dr. Linkletter: Asimov?
Sheldon: Yes, Asimov.
Dr. Linkletter: I told three people the news, and you know what they said?
Sheldon: "Who's that?"
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly. What's wrong with the world? The man's a legend.
Sheldon: I didn't know you were a fan.
Dr. Linkletter: Ever since I read The Naked Sun. I'll admit, I came for the naked, but I stayed for the interplanetary conspiracies.

Meemaw: So... what's going on at work?
Dr. Linkletter: I don't want to bore you with science talk.
Meemaw: No, no, I'm interested.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. We're in a race with the Finnish team to see who can correct the unification of the leptons. As you can imagine, the world waits anxiously while we see who crosses the finish line first.
Meemaw: So, the Finnish may be at the finish line?
Dr. Linkletter: [laughing] Oh, you're witty, too. More cheese to bait the trap.
Meemaw: Maybe we should order dinner.
Dr. Linkletter: Nonsense, there's food right here. Pineapple, prickly on the outside, but beautiful inside, just like you.

Sheldon: Ooh, I got a response. Someone named RedWolf has the comic I'm looking for.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, joy.
Sheldon: Oh, dear. Someone named Sucka MC just offered to buy it.
Dr. Linkletter: Riveting.
Sheldon: RedWolf sold it. This is a disaster.
Dr. Linkletter: That's too bad. Move.
Sheldon: [groan] These message boards are so frustrating. You have to post what you're looking for, then hope someone responds, and then hope you see the reply before they sell it to someone named Sucka MC.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, you're frustrated? I'm sorry. I can only imagine what that feels like.

Dr. Linkletter: Well, it's yours, from one scientist to another, and that's my point, really. You and I... we need to stick together.
Sheldon: Why?
Dr. Linkletter: Because this university is filled with people who want to exploit our ideas.
Sheldon: That's not my experience. President Hagemeyer just offered me my own building.
Dr. Linkletter: You're being manipulated, you don't even know it. Sheldon, I've seen this a thousand times. A brilliant young mind like yours taken advantage of.
Sheldon: But isn't that what you're trying to do?
Dr. Linkletter: Absolutely not. President Hagemeyer's was a bribe. That is a gift from one peer to another. So what do you say? Are you a scientist or are you a pawn of the administration?
Sheldon: A scientist.
Dr. Linkletter: Yes, you are. [chuckles] So, we have a deal?
Sheldon: Okay.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I had a question about today's lecture. I'm sorry, who are you?
Toby: You must be Sheldon.
Sheldon: I am.
Toby: I was told not to talk to you.
Sheldon: Why not?
Toby: I was told not to tell you that.
Dr. Linkletter: [enters] Ah, I see you've met Toby.
Sheldon: I have not. He wouldn't tell me his name.
Dr. Linkletter: Good man.