‘A Roulette Wheel and a Piano Playing Dog’ Quotes Page 1 of 3    

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Adult Sheldon: Heidelberg is considered one of the most beautiful cities in Germany. Heidelberg Palace, the Karl Theodor Bridge, the Schloss Schwetzingen. But I couldn't care less. The only sights I wanted to see were the looks of awe on the faces of my fellow students as I demonstrated my intellectual superiority.
Sheldon: Cylinders that are smaller than ten to the minus-35 meters. [all laugh] What's happening?
Professor Salzman: You don't laugh at people saying stupid things in Texas?
Sheldon: You're darn tootin' we do. So who goofed? [laughter]
Professor Salzman: You did, dummkopf.
Sheldon: Dummkopf? You're calling me a dummy?
Professor Salzman: Class, who knows where the dummkopf went wrong? [hands go up] Mr. Ziegler.
Mr. Ziegler: He forgot to consider the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Professor Salzman: Thank you, Mr. Ziegler.
Sheldon: Wait, what's the Calabi-Yau manifold? [laughter]
Professor Salzman: Dummkopf.
Adult Sheldon: I was quickly learning not all Germans were the warm, fun-loving people I was led to believe.

Quote from Mary

Sheldon: And then they laughed at me for not knowing something that they knew. Who does that?
Mary: You do.
Sheldon: Well, this is no time for a teachable moment. Your child is hurting.
Mary: Sorry. [taps Sheldon's shoulder] There, there.
Sheldon: I guess that'll do. Now, how about a hot beverage?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Professor Salzman, I just wanted to let you know that I studied up and am now well-versed in the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Professor Salzman: Okay.
Sheldon: It was never part of the curriculum at East Texas Tech.
Professor Salzman: East Texas Tech? Sounds charming.
Sheldon: It's actually quite humid. Regardless, I'm ready to reassert myself as class leader.
Professor Salzman: Your classmates are from some of the most elite universities in the world. There is no East MIT.
Sheldon: Well, I would have gone to a better school, but I was 11, which you have to admit is pretty impressive.
Professor Salzman: Sheldon, at some point we ask of the piano-playing dog not, "Are you a dog?" but, "Are you any good at playing the piano?"
Sheldon: Excuse me?

Quote from Sheldon

Professor Salzman: [sighs] You are far behind many of your peers.
Sheldon: I have no peers.
Professor Salzman: I think they would agree. Which is why I'm going to recommend tutoring.
Sheldon: Me tutor them?
Professor Salzman: No.
Sheldon: You tutor me?
Professor Salzman: No.
Sheldon: Me tutor you?
Professor Salzman: Miss Chen.
Mei-Tung: Yes, Professor?
Professor Salzman: You have an undergraduate degree in education, ja?
Mei-Tung: Yes, sir.
Professor Salzman: Teach him.

Quote from Adult Sheldon

Professor Salzman: One should not even attempt to unify type-one und type-two...
Adult Sheldon: I wanted to give up and run away, but I had read enough comic books to know that heroes don't quit. Instead of running, I decided to stay and face the biggest challenge I've ever had: keeping my mouth shut.
Professor Salzman: Any thoughts on the compactification of the extra dimensions here?
[Sheldon goes to raise his hand along with Mei-Tung, but stops himself]
Adult Sheldon: Mmm.
Professor Salzman: Ja.
Mei-Tung: One must conserve the unbroken supercharges.
Professor Salzman: Und the spherical Hankel transform of this equation is... [Sheldon snaps his pencil]
Adult Sheldon: This turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life. By being open to people smarter than me, I grew as both a man and a scientist. Humble, brilliant... I really am the whole package.

Quote from Sheldon

Mei-Tung: You didn't account for all the dimensions.
Sheldon: The Calabi-Yau manifold has six dimensions.
Mei-Tung: Only if there's fermions. Without fermions, there could be up to 26 dimensions.
Sheldon: What? Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis never mentioned 26 dimensions.
Mei-Tung: Who are they?
Sheldon: They're my teachers, and they're really smart.
Mei-Tung: I've never heard of them.
Sheldon: Well, I've probably never heard of your teachers.
Mei-Tung: I recently studied with Henry W. Kendall.
Sheldon: The Nobel Prize winner for his pioneering research on the deep inelastic scattering of electrons on protons and bound neutrons?
Mei-Tung: Yes.
Sheldon: Never heard of him.

Quote from Dr. Linkletter

Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Hello.
Sheldon: Why did you never tell me there's 26 dimensions?
Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: I'm in Heidelberg and I'm studying string theory, and I'm now drastically behind, thanks to you.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, it's 3:00 in the morning.
Sheldon: Oh, that explains why Dr. Sturgis didn't pick up.
Dr. Linkletter: That explains why I'm hanging up.
Sheldon: I had to be tutored by a child and the professor called me a dummkopf.
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Now I'm glad you called.

Quote from Sheldon

Mei-Tung: Try again.
Sheldon: Oh, I see the problem. This is stupid. You can't just invent dimensions. There's this one [gestures vertically for height], this one [gestures horizontally for width] and this one [gestures back to front for depth].
Mei-Tung: You forgot the dimension of time.
[Sheldon holds out his hand so Mei-Tung can slap it with her pencil]
Sheldon: Ow. Thank you.

Quote from George Jr.

Georgie: Good crowd today.
Meemaw: It's not enough. We need more.
Georgie: What are you talking about? We're raking it in. We got wall-to-wall chumps.
Wade: Hey!
Georgie: Not you. The other chumps.

Quote from Meemaw

Meemaw: We're raking in quarters. I got a house to rebuild.
Georgie: You want to raise the price?
Meemaw: Nope. I'm thinking bigger. Table games. Maybe a roulette wheel.
Georgie: Whoa. These machines are already a gray area. Table games are big-time illegal.
Meemaw: You know why? Because they make big-time money.
Georgie: What are the cops gonna say?
Meemaw: "Thank you for my new fishing boat"?
Georgie: Meemaw, I can't go to jail. I've got a family to take care of.
Meemaw: Nobody's going to jail.
Georgie: Please, just take a moment to think about it.
Meemaw: Fine. We're doing it. [laughs]

Quote from George Sr.

George: Jim.
Jim: Hey, sorry to just drop by, but I found some of Mandy's old baby stuff. Figured I'd bring it over.
George: Yeah, well, Mandy's not here. She took the baby for a check-up, but you're welcome to wait. Have a beer, watch the Astros.
Jim: A beer in the middle of the afternoon? Your wife okay with that?
George: My wife's in Germany.
Jim: Oh, my.
George: For the whole summer.
Jim: You're living the dream.
George: Mmm. Come on.

Quote from George Sr.

Mandy: Hey, could you watch her for a little while?
Missy: I would, but I gotta get to the grocery store if dinner's gonna be ready.
George: Three-fifty.
Jim: Three hundred and fifty dollars for a dining room set? You must be crazy.
George: That's what you said about the jet ski, but I nailed it.
Jim: Well...
Missy: You guys having a good time?
George: Oh, yeah, great time.
Missy: [turns off TV] It's over.
George: Wha... Well, what about Showcase Showdown?

Quote from Mary

Mary: Hello?
Mei-Tung: Good afternoon, I'm here for tutoring with Sheldon.
Mary: Oh, he's helping you? Isn't that nice.
Mei-Tung: No, I'm helping him.
Mary: Sorry?
Mei-Tung: I'm tutoring him.
Mary: Excuse me just a minute.

Quote from Mary

Mary: Shelly? [knocks on door] Your tutor's here.
Sheldon: I've been thinking about it. We should go home.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: I miss Dad and... football. The whole shebang.
Mary: Honey, are you sure this isn't because you need a tutor, and she's a little girl?
Sheldon: Leave me alone.
Mary: Didn't you say that you wanted to come here to learn new things and expand your horizons?
Sheldon: What do I know? I'm a dummkopf.
Mary: Oh, nobody thinks that.
Mei-Tung: [enters] I do. I thought we'd get started with anti-de Sitter space.
Mary: That sounds fun. What's that?
Sheldon: I wish I could tell you. [plants his face back in his pillow]

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, um...
Mei-Tung: Come on, I just gave you a hint.
Sheldon: We solve for the geodesics.
Mei-Tung: Wrong. [slaps Sheldon's hand with her pencil]
Sheldon: Ow! Why'd you hit me?
Mei-Tung: Pain is the best teacher. [Mary smiles]
Sheldon: You're a very impressive little girl, but there's a saying. At some point, it's not enough to be a dog who plays the piano. You have to play the piano well.
Mei-Tung: I play extremely well. I'm a concert pianist.
Sheldon: Of course you are. [Mary chuckles] What?
Mary: Sorry, just a funny part of the Bible.

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