‘A Roulette Wheel and a Piano Playing Dog’ Quotes Page 1 of 3
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702. A Roulette Wheel and a Piano Playing Dog
February 22, 2024Sheldon is surprised to learn he is the weakest student in his class. Meanwhile, Meemaw decides to expand her gambling business.
Quote from Adult Sheldon
Adult Sheldon: Heidelberg is considered one of the most beautiful cities in Germany. Heidelberg Palace, the Karl Theodor Bridge, the Schloss Schwetzingen. But I couldn't care less. The only sights I wanted to see were the looks of awe on the faces of my fellow students as I demonstrated my intellectual superiority.
Sheldon: Cylinders that are smaller than ten to the minus-35 meters. [all laugh] What's happening?
Professor Salzman: You don't laugh at people saying stupid things in Texas?
Sheldon: You're darn tootin' we do. So who goofed? [laughter]
Professor Salzman: You did, dummkopf.
Sheldon: Dummkopf? You're calling me a dummy?
Professor Salzman: Class, who knows where the dummkopf went wrong? [hands go up] Mr. Ziegler.
Mr. Ziegler: He forgot to consider the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Professor Salzman: Thank you, Mr. Ziegler.
Sheldon: Wait, what's the Calabi-Yau manifold? [laughter]
Professor Salzman: Dummkopf.
Adult Sheldon: I was quickly learning not all Germans were the warm, fun-loving people I was led to believe.
Quote from Mary
Sheldon: And then they laughed at me for not knowing something that they knew. Who does that?
Mary: You do.
Sheldon: Well, this is no time for a teachable moment. Your child is hurting.
Mary: Sorry. [taps Sheldon's shoulder] There, there.
Sheldon: I guess that'll do. Now, how about a hot beverage?
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Professor Salzman, I just wanted to let you know that I studied up and am now well-versed in the Calabi-Yau manifold.
Professor Salzman: Okay.
Sheldon: It was never part of the curriculum at East Texas Tech.
Professor Salzman: East Texas Tech? Sounds charming.
Sheldon: It's actually quite humid. Regardless, I'm ready to reassert myself as class leader.
Professor Salzman: Your classmates are from some of the most elite universities in the world. There is no East MIT.
Sheldon: Well, I would have gone to a better school, but I was 11, which you have to admit is pretty impressive.
Professor Salzman: Sheldon, at some point we ask of the piano-playing dog not, "Are you a dog?" but, "Are you any good at playing the piano?"
Sheldon: Excuse me?
Quote from Sheldon
Professor Salzman: [sighs] You are far behind many of your peers.
Sheldon: I have no peers.
Professor Salzman: I think they would agree. Which is why I'm going to recommend tutoring.
Sheldon: Me tutor them?
Professor Salzman: No.
Sheldon: You tutor me?
Professor Salzman: No.
Sheldon: Me tutor you?
Professor Salzman: Miss Chen.
Mei-Tung: Yes, Professor?
Professor Salzman: You have an undergraduate degree in education, ja?
Mei-Tung: Yes, sir.
Professor Salzman: Teach him.
Quote from Adult Sheldon
Professor Salzman: One should not even attempt to unify type-one und type-two...
Adult Sheldon: I wanted to give up and run away, but I had read enough comic books to know that heroes don't quit. Instead of running, I decided to stay and face the biggest challenge I've ever had: keeping my mouth shut.
Professor Salzman: Any thoughts on the compactification of the extra dimensions here?
[Sheldon goes to raise his hand along with Mei-Tung, but stops himself]
Adult Sheldon: Mmm.
Professor Salzman: Ja.
Mei-Tung: One must conserve the unbroken supercharges.
Professor Salzman: Und the spherical Hankel transform of this equation is... [Sheldon snaps his pencil]
Adult Sheldon: This turned out to be a pivotal moment in my life. By being open to people smarter than me, I grew as both a man and a scientist. Humble, brilliant... I really am the whole package.
Quote from Sheldon
Mei-Tung: You didn't account for all the dimensions.
Sheldon: The Calabi-Yau manifold has six dimensions.
Mei-Tung: Only if there's fermions. Without fermions, there could be up to 26 dimensions.
Sheldon: What? Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis never mentioned 26 dimensions.
Mei-Tung: Who are they?
Sheldon: They're my teachers, and they're really smart.
Mei-Tung: I've never heard of them.
Sheldon: Well, I've probably never heard of your teachers.
Mei-Tung: I recently studied with Henry W. Kendall.
Sheldon: The Nobel Prize winner for his pioneering research on the deep inelastic scattering of electrons on protons and bound neutrons?
Mei-Tung: Yes.
Sheldon: Never heard of him.
Quote from Dr. Linkletter
Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Hello.
Sheldon: Why did you never tell me there's 26 dimensions?
Dr. Linkletter: What?
Sheldon: I'm in Heidelberg and I'm studying string theory, and I'm now drastically behind, thanks to you.
Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, it's 3:00 in the morning.
Sheldon: Oh, that explains why Dr. Sturgis didn't pick up.
Dr. Linkletter: That explains why I'm hanging up.
Sheldon: I had to be tutored by a child and the professor called me a dummkopf.
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Now I'm glad you called.
Quote from Sheldon
Mei-Tung: Try again.
Sheldon: Oh, I see the problem. This is stupid. You can't just invent dimensions. There's this one [gestures vertically for height], this one [gestures horizontally for width] and this one [gestures back to front for depth].
Mei-Tung: You forgot the dimension of time.
[Sheldon holds out his hand so Mei-Tung can slap it with her pencil]
Sheldon: Ow. Thank you.
Quote from George Jr.
Georgie: Good crowd today.
Meemaw: It's not enough. We need more.
Georgie: What are you talking about? We're raking it in. We got wall-to-wall chumps.
Wade: Hey!
Georgie: Not you. The other chumps.
Quote from Meemaw
Meemaw: We're raking in quarters. I got a house to rebuild.
Georgie: You want to raise the price?
Meemaw: Nope. I'm thinking bigger. Table games. Maybe a roulette wheel.
Georgie: Whoa. These machines are already a gray area. Table games are big-time illegal.
Meemaw: You know why? Because they make big-time money.
Georgie: What are the cops gonna say?
Meemaw: "Thank you for my new fishing boat"?
Georgie: Meemaw, I can't go to jail. I've got a family to take care of.
Meemaw: Nobody's going to jail.
Georgie: Please, just take a moment to think about it.
Meemaw: Fine. We're doing it. [laughs]
Quote from George Sr.
George: Jim.
Jim: Hey, sorry to just drop by, but I found some of Mandy's old baby stuff. Figured I'd bring it over.
George: Yeah, well, Mandy's not here. She took the baby for a check-up, but you're welcome to wait. Have a beer, watch the Astros.
Jim: A beer in the middle of the afternoon? Your wife okay with that?
George: My wife's in Germany.
Jim: Oh, my.
George: For the whole summer.
Jim: You're living the dream.
George: Mmm. Come on.
Quote from George Sr.
Mandy: Hey, could you watch her for a little while?
Missy: I would, but I gotta get to the grocery store if dinner's gonna be ready.
George: Three-fifty.
Jim: Three hundred and fifty dollars for a dining room set? You must be crazy.
George: That's what you said about the jet ski, but I nailed it.
Jim: Well...
Missy: You guys having a good time?
George: Oh, yeah, great time.
Missy: [turns off TV] It's over.
George: Wha... Well, what about Showcase Showdown?
Quote from Mary
Mary: Hello?
Mei-Tung: Good afternoon, I'm here for tutoring with Sheldon.
Mary: Oh, he's helping you? Isn't that nice.
Mei-Tung: No, I'm helping him.
Mary: Sorry?
Mei-Tung: I'm tutoring him.
Mary: Excuse me just a minute.
Quote from Mary
Mary: Shelly? [knocks on door] Your tutor's here.
Sheldon: I've been thinking about it. We should go home.
Mary: Why?
Sheldon: I miss Dad and... football. The whole shebang.
Mary: Honey, are you sure this isn't because you need a tutor, and she's a little girl?
Sheldon: Leave me alone.
Mary: Didn't you say that you wanted to come here to learn new things and expand your horizons?
Sheldon: What do I know? I'm a dummkopf.
Mary: Oh, nobody thinks that.
Mei-Tung: [enters] I do. I thought we'd get started with anti-de Sitter space.
Mary: That sounds fun. What's that?
Sheldon: I wish I could tell you. [plants his face back in his pillow]
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Oh, um...
Mei-Tung: Come on, I just gave you a hint.
Sheldon: We solve for the geodesics.
Mei-Tung: Wrong. [slaps Sheldon's hand with her pencil]
Sheldon: Ow! Why'd you hit me?
Mei-Tung: Pain is the best teacher. [Mary smiles]
Sheldon: You're a very impressive little girl, but there's a saying. At some point, it's not enough to be a dog who plays the piano. You have to play the piano well.
Mei-Tung: I play extremely well. I'm a concert pianist.
Sheldon: Of course you are. [Mary chuckles] What?
Mary: Sorry, just a funny part of the Bible.