Dr. Linkletter: Sorry we're late.
President Hagemeyer: What are you doing here? And who's he?
Jerry: I'm his cousin.
Dr. Linkletter: And lawyer.
President Hagemeyer: Really, Grant?
Dr. Linkletter: Yeah, really.
Jerry: Let me talk for you. Yeah, really.

Dr. Linkletter: I'm telling you, I can do it on my own.

Dr. Linkletter: You're late.
Sheldon: Sorry, I ran into Sam.
Dr. Linkletter: Bright girl. She's going places.
Sheldon: Specifically the physics department at Columbia.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, she got in, fantastic. I know she was hoping to spice up her applications.
Sheldon: Well, I like to think that I'm all the spice my applications will need.
Dr. Linkletter: You're not.

Sheldon: [sighs] Come on, Cooper.
Dr. Linkletter: See? He's been here since this morning. He won't leave.
Dr. John Sturgis: What do you want me to do?
Dr. Linkletter: Get him to leave.
Sheldon: Oh, good, you're both here. This will go faster with three of us.
Dr. Linkletter: Now, do it! Give him the boot.

Dr. Linkletter: Can I ask you a personal question?
Meemaw: Oh, I wish you wouldn't.
Dr. Linkletter: How would you like to make love to a man who shook the hand of Albert Einstein?
Meemaw: And... you did.
Dr. Linkletter: This one right here. I didn't wash it for a week.
Meemaw: Not a selling point.
Dr. Linkletter: Excuse me for a moment. I have to toss my cookies.