Missy: Eat dirt. Eat it.
Meemaw: Kick his ass!
Missy: Does it taste good? Huh?
Dale: Yeah, listen to your meemaw. Kick his ass!
Missy: You gonna cry? Huh? Do it. Cry.
Mary: Do something. Break it up.
George Sr.: H-Hang on. She's winning.
Mary: Missy! Missy Cooper, you stop beating up that boy!
Meemaw: Punch him in the nuts!

Missy: Hey.
Mary: Hey, baby, where's Sheldon?
Missy: I don't know, he left.
Mary: He left? Where'd he go?
Missy: He wouldn't tell me, but he wrote it in this weird letter.
Mary: When did he leave?
Missy: An hour ago.
Mary: An hour?!
Missy: I told him not to go.

Adult Sheldon: To further complicate matters, in any real-life crisis, my family's default mode is mindless panic.
Missy: Sheldon's gonna die! Sheldon's gonna die!

Missy: What's your homework?
Sheldon: Non-Euclidean geometry. How about you?
Missy: "Symonyms".
Sheldon: You mean synonyms?
Missy: I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms".

Missy: How about a Houston Oilers cheerleader? "Signs point to yes." I'm gonna marry a quarterback.

Missy: Chocolate chips for breakfast and pizza for dinner? I'm loving Dad.

Meemaw: And as far as your mom, I think things started to turn around for her when she gave birth to you.
Missy: You mean me and Sheldon.
Meemaw: No, I mean you. I mean, Sheldon was born fine, but you were a different story.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: Okay. Well, there was a point where the doctors didn't know if you were gonna make it. And your mom got so scared, and she made a promise to God that if you were okay, that she would start reading the Bible, going to church you know, that kind of stuff.
Missy: So I'm the reason she's a dud?

Sheldon: What's going on?
Missy: Mom and Dad are fighting.
Sheldon: What about?
Missy: Brisket. If they get a divorce, who do you think you'll pick to live with?
Sheldon: Well, Mom, of course.
Missy: I want Mom. Pick again.

George Jr.: Herschel offered me a part-time job.
Mary: Really? Between that and football practice, when would you do your homework?
Missy: When does he do it?

Sheldon: Notes for psychology paper.
Missy: What you doing?
Sheldon: Shh. Family conflict has been observed. Subject M and Subject D have opposing views on relocating.
Missy: You better not be recording over my Janet Jackson tape.
Sheldon: Would you please?
Missy: Who's Subject M and Subject D?
Sheldon: I can't tell you that, you might skew the results.
Missy: Okay, then tell me what skew means.
Sheldon: Are you going to talk the whole time?
Missy: It seems to be annoying you, so, yeah.

Missy: I get it.
Sheldon: What do you get?
Missy: Why you don't want to go to college.
Sheldon: I doubt that you do.
Missy: You're scared everything's gonna be different and it'll be hard. And you're gonna miss the way that it was.
Sheldon: How do you know that?
Missy: 'Cause that's how I feel.
Sheldon: You're scared?
Missy: Yeah.
Sheldon: So what do we do?
Missy: I guess be scared and do it anyway.
Sheldon: Hmm. It's comforting to know that you feel the same way that I do.
Missy: That's why I said it, dumbass.

George Sr.: What's the occasion?
Mary: No occasion, just thought it'd be nice.
George Sr.: His wife coming, too?
Mary: No. Just him.
George Sr.: They having problems?
Mary: He's just coming to dinner. That's all.
Missy: You two having problems?
George Sr.: Are we?
Mary: No.
Missy: Pastor Jeff's wife is so much prettier than him. It's like Barbie married a turtle.

Mary: What were you even thinking?
Missy: I was thinking I look hot.
Mary: You know you're not allowed to wear makeup.
Missy: That's why I didn't tell you.
Mary: And who gave it to you? Heather B.? Heather M.?
Missy: Meemaw.
Mary: So your grandmother was okay with you looking like this in your school pictures?
Missy: If you don't believe me, ask her.
Mary: Oh, I'm going to.
Missy: Really?

Sheldon: Good luck with your finger painting.
Missy: You're gonna get your ass kicked in high school.
Mary: (flicks Missy on the head) Hey!

Sheldon: I've been thinking, and there's something I'd like to say.
George Sr.: Unless it's an apology, I don't want to hear it.
Sheldon: I'm quitting science.
Missy: Not an apology. Spank him, Dad.

Missy: Sheldon, can you hear me? It's your twin sister, Missy. Everything's all right here, but I think Mom misses you real bad. All right, I can't hear you, so I'm gonna hang up now.

Sheldon: Oh, I couldn't tell you how much to give. But I can tell you the Stuckeys stepped up for a thousand dollars. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Well, you need to give what's comfortable for you. And of course, I don't need to remind you, it's entirely tax deductible. [Missy whispers in Sheldon's ear] And at the next pancake breakfast, you can hold your head high. Thank you.
That's very generous. Goodbye. [hangs up phone] The pancake line closed it.
Missy: We are so going to heaven.

Missy: I don't want to die. I've only kissed one boy so far.
Mary: What?
Missy: Relax. It was a long time ago.
George Sr.: Are you relaxed?

George Sr.: What are you doing?
Missy: Watching Sheldon struggle with homework. It's so great.

Missy: Why can't we watch Duck Tales?
Sheldon: Because we don't learn anything.
Missy: It's TV! We aren't supposed to learn.