Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Missy: I'm having one right now.
Sheldon: Really? What is it?
Missy: When we get home, I'm gonna kick your little balls.
Sheldon: You can't. They haven't descended yet.

Mary: Something wrong?
Missy: How come math is easy for Sheldon and hard for me?
Mary: I don't know, honey, but you have your own gifts.
Missy: Like what?
Mary: Well, like you have very pretty hair.
Missy: True.

Missy: He even wrote me a note. "Eggs from your secret admirer. Billy."

Missy: You asleep?
Sheldon: No.
Missy: Me neither. Every time the phone rings, I get scared.
Sheldon: Me, too.

Sheldon: I've never been late to school before.
Missy: I'm late all the time. It's no big deal.
Mary: I get you to school on time every day. Why are you late?
Missy: I have a lot of people to say hi to in the morning.

Missy: What's your homework?
Sheldon: Non-Euclidean geometry. How about you?
Missy: "Symonyms".
Sheldon: You mean synonyms?
Missy: I'm pretty sure she said "symonyms".

Missy: Maybe you're turning it the wrong way.
Sheldon: [straining to twist open a jam jar] Don't you have anything better to do?
Missy: Not better than this.
Sheldon: This is nothing a little science can't fix. All I need to do is break the pressure seal.
Missy: I don't think that was enough science.

Missy: And then Heather B said she didn't want to play tetherball with Heather M anymore.
George Sr.: Wait. Th-There's two Heathers?
Missy: Oh, yeah.
George Sr.: Which one's which?
Missy: Heather B is stuck up. Heather M used to be stuck up, but then she got a scoliosis brace.
George Sr.: Maybe she shouldn't be playing tetherball.
Missy: That's what Heather B said.

Mary: Why aren't you eating, Sheldon?
Sheldon: How can I with that horrible noise?
Mary: What noise?
Sheldon: That irritating, high-pitched buzz.
George Jr.: I don't hear nothin'.
George Sr.: Me, neither.
Sheldon: How can you not?
Missy: Wait. I think I hear it.
Sheldon: You do?
Missy: Yeah. It's coming out of your face.

Missy: Chocolate chips for breakfast and pizza for dinner? I'm loving Dad.

George Jr.: Herschel offered me a part-time job.
Mary: Really? Between that and football practice, when would you do your homework?
Missy: When does he do it?

Missy: How about a Houston Oilers cheerleader? "Signs point to yes." I'm gonna marry a quarterback.

Sheldon: Notes for psychology paper.
Missy: What you doing?
Sheldon: Shh. Family conflict has been observed. Subject M and Subject D have opposing views on relocating.
Missy: You better not be recording over my Janet Jackson tape.
Sheldon: Would you please?
Missy: Who's Subject M and Subject D?
Sheldon: I can't tell you that, you might skew the results.
Missy: Okay, then tell me what skew means.
Sheldon: Are you going to talk the whole time?
Missy: It seems to be annoying you, so, yeah.

Sheldon: Is it working? Are you feeling motivated?
Missy: Very. [Missy punches Sheldon in the face]

Mary: What were you even thinking?
Missy: I was thinking I look hot.
Mary: You know you're not allowed to wear makeup.
Missy: That's why I didn't tell you.
Mary: And who gave it to you? Heather B.? Heather M.?
Missy: Meemaw.
Mary: So your grandmother was okay with you looking like this in your school pictures?
Missy: If you don't believe me, ask her.
Mary: Oh, I'm going to.
Missy: Really?

Meemaw: And as far as your mom, I think things started to turn around for her when she gave birth to you.
Missy: You mean me and Sheldon.
Meemaw: No, I mean you. I mean, Sheldon was born fine, but you were a different story.
Missy: Why?
Meemaw: Okay. Well, there was a point where the doctors didn't know if you were gonna make it. And your mom got so scared, and she made a promise to God that if you were okay, that she would start reading the Bible, going to church you know, that kind of stuff.
Missy: So I'm the reason she's a dud?

George Sr.: What's the occasion?
Mary: No occasion, just thought it'd be nice.
George Sr.: His wife coming, too?
Mary: No. Just him.
George Sr.: They having problems?
Mary: He's just coming to dinner. That's all.
Missy: You two having problems?
George Sr.: Are we?
Mary: No.
Missy: Pastor Jeff's wife is so much prettier than him. It's like Barbie married a turtle.

George Sr.: Well, look at that, there's boobies on my TV.
Missy: Ooh!
George Sr.: Get out of here!
Missy: I'm telling Mom!

Missy: Hey.
Mary: Hey, baby, where's Sheldon?
Missy: I don't know, he left.
Mary: He left? Where'd he go?
Missy: He wouldn't tell me, but he wrote it in this weird letter.
Mary: When did he leave?
Missy: An hour ago.
Mary: An hour?!
Missy: I told him not to go.

Missy: "God, it's Missy again. If you can hear me better, it's 'cause I'm wearing a cross now. Please let me get a lot of hits on Saturday. And if their star pitcher breaks his arm or gets run over by a truck, I'd totally be okay with that." Amen.
Mary: Amen.