Mary: Why didn't you tell me there was a pool? I would've brought my bathing suit.
George: Hotels have pools... didn't think I needed to mention it.
Mary: Well, it would have been nice if you did.
George: They also have beds in the rooms. Did you remember your pajamas?
Mary: Okay, you don't have to act like that.
George: Well, you don't need to blame me 'cause you forgot your bathing suit.
Mary: Well, I guess we're not going in the pool.
George: Maybe you're not. I packed my suit.
Mary: Are you gonna behave like this all weekend?
George: What? Responsible and fun-loving? Probably.
Mary: You are such a... monkey butt.
George: [laughs] Come on. There's got to be more insulting name you can call me.
Mary: I am sure there is, but they're about to get in and they do not need to hear us arguing.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Oh, I know that you're hurting, and... I'm here for you, so... what do you need?
Meemaw: Great, take me drinking.
Mary: It is 3:30 in the afternoon.
Meemaw: Yes, it's called happy hour.
Mary: I have to make dinner.
Meemaw: Oh, fine. I'll just be sad and drunk by myself. Maybe I'll go home with the bartender.
Mary: Missy! I have to go out with your meemaw, but I'll be back later with KFC.

Georgie: Just out of curiosity, when exactly are you and Mom leaving, and when exactly are y'all coming back?
George: You're not bringing your girlfriend here.
Georgie: Excuse me for taking an interest in your life.
George: Besides, your grandma'll be here the whole time.
Georgie: Never mind. Wait. So her house'll be empty?
George: Look, I used to be your age, but can you try thinking with your brain for once?
Georgie: If you used to be my age, I think you know the answer to that.

Mary: So you've stayed at this hotel before?
George: Oh, yeah. It's nice. They got an indoor pool and a killer breakfast buffet. There's even a real nice gym we'll walk right past on the way to the breakfast buffet.

Darlene: Ooh, this camper is so cool.
Mary: We borrowed it from my mom's boyfriend.
George: Yeah, you might not want to poke around too much. You find my mother-in-law's bra, I'm driving into a brick wall.