Mary: Dinner's ready.
Missy: Five more minutes?
George Sr.: She wants five more minutes with her ole dad.

George Sr.: Hey! You want to throw the ball around?
Missy: [crying] No, go away.
George Sr.: Did something happen at school?
Missy: [crying] I don't want to talk about it.
George Sr.: Okay. Well... You change your mind, you know I'm here for you. [starts to leave]
Missy: He likes someone else.
George Sr.: I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Missy: She doesn't even know who Nolan Ryan is.
George Sr.: This guy sounds like an idiot.
Missy: He's not. He's perfect.
George Sr.: All right. Want me to get your mom?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: You want me to beat this guy up?
Missy: No.
George Sr.: What can I do?
[Outside, George and Missy throw a ball around]

George Sr.: Nice.
Missy: How do you make it curve?
George Sr.: Well, that's a little tricky. You you put two fingers on the seam. Right? And then you flick your wrist.
Missy: Okay.
George Sr.: Yeah? Here, try it.

Mary: So, are you gonna go out with Ira?
Meemaw: Well, I don't know why not.
Mary: Is that really what you want?
Meemaw: Well, I'm sure as hell not gonna sit home by myself while I try and figure it out.
Mary: Doesn't sound like you're being nice to Ira.
George Sr.: She's not nice. Been saying it for years.

Mary: Why don't you take John to a bar or something?
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: 'Cause the children don't need to hear about how attractive he finds their grandmother.
George Sr.: Why don't you take him out?
Mary: Fine. You make sure the kids take baths and get to bed. Oh, and Sheldon needs his fingernails trimmed.
[cut to:]
George Sr.: Hey, John, what do you say you and I go grab a beer?

Nate: Hey, George. Who's your friend?
George Sr.: Hey, Nate. This is John Sturgis. He's a scientist.
Dr. John Sturgis: Pleased to make your acquaintance, Nate.
Nate: What can I get you?
Dr. John Sturgis: Um, do you have sarsaparilla?
George Sr.: Two beers. We'll take two beers.

Dr. John Sturgis: Can you believe Connie was my first girlfriend?
George Sr.: Really?
Dr. John Sturgis: And probably my last.
George Sr.: Come on, don't talk like that.
Dr. John Sturgis: No, it's true. She may not realize it, but this is all for the best. I'm damaged goods.
George Sr.: No, you're not.
Dr. John Sturgis: It had just been so long since I'd had an episode. I thought I was okay. [laughs] But, clearly, I'm not, and, uh, who knows if it'll happen again. And, uh, I just can't take the risk of putting Connie through that.
George Sr.: Hey, she's got problems, too. I've seen her take a wine cooler out of the trash and finish it.
Dr. John Sturgis: [laughs]
George Sr.: I'm not joking.

Missy: Dad, can I talk to you?
George Sr.: Uh, can it wait a minute?
Missy: It's pretty important.
George Sr.: So's this.

Missy: I've been thinking about how much I enjoyed throwing that ball today.
George Sr.: You did great, honey.
Missy: I know. That's why I want to play on a team.
George Sr.: You get that dunk tank isn't a sport?
Missy: I mean baseball.
George Sr.: Okay, sure. They don't have any baseball teams for girls. Wait a few years, you can play softball.
Missy: I don't want to wait. I want to play baseball.
George Sr.: But you'd be the only girl.
Missy: I don't care.
George Sr.: Okay, well I-I guess I can look into it.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy.
George Sr.: Sure you don't want to play soccer or something?
Missy: Nope!
George Sr.: Cheerleading?
Missy: Baseball!
George Sr.: Yeah.

George Sr.: [shouting] Missy, five minutes!
Meemaw: Oh. Can you please?
George Sr.: Oh. Sorry. Been there. [shouting] She's hungover! Wants us to keep it down!

George Sr.: You sure you don't want me to stay?
Sheldon: You promised you'd take me to RadioShack.
George Sr.: Sheldon, this is a big day for your sister.
Missy: I'm fine, Dad.
George Sr.: Come on. I really don't want to go to RadioShack.

George Sr.: Morning. Just a reminder, I'm gonna be late tonight. Hanging with my new buddy Dale.
Meemaw: Well, I hope you two have fun together.
George Sr.: Oh, we will. So much to talk about.
Mary: You better respect her privacy.
George Sr.: Oh, I don't plan on doing that at all.
Meemaw: Don't you need to go to work?
George Sr.: Yes, but I don't want to leave until I know you're upset.
Meemaw: Well, I'm sorry, but I'm not.
George Sr.: Yeah, you are. Bye.

George Sr.: Ejected from your very first game. I'm proud of you, slugger.
Missy: Thanks, Dad.
Meemaw: Dairy Queen's on me.
Mary: To be clear, we are not rewarding violence. But I am glad you didn't let those girls from school bully you into quitting.
Missy: I should rub their faces in the dirt.
George Sr.: That's my girl.
Meemaw: Someone's getting extra sprinkles tonight.
George Sr.: Ooh, hooray for violence.

George Sr.: So, what's up?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, Sheldon has been doing extraordinarily well in his college physics class.
George Sr.: I know. He made me put his test up on the fridge, next to Missy's drawing of her hand as a turkey.

Sheldon: How was Dr. Sturgis?
George Sr.: He's fine.
Sheldon: What did you two talk about?
George Sr.: I don't know. S-Stuff.
Sheldon: Science stuff?
George Sr.: No. Just regular stuff.
Sheldon: Ooh, I bet he talked about me. What did he say about me?
George Sr.: Sheldon, everything isn't about you. Okay? Go to your room.
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Mary: What'd y'all talk about?
George Sr.: Sheldon.

George Sr.: Hey! You would not believe the wheelin' and dealin' I did today. I'm playing the high school and the university against each other. Hey, what do you say we go out to dinner?
Meemaw: Chi-Chi's is good.
George Sr.: Ooh, chimichangas.

George Sr.: [answering phone] Hello?
Dr. John Sturgis: Hello, George. Uh, John Sturgis here.
George Sr.: Oh, hey, how you doing?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, honestly, it's been a bit of a confusing week, and I was hoping we could schedule some male bonding time.
George Sr.: Oh?
Dr. John Sturgis: Perhaps go to a bar or, uh, take a brisk walk together.
George Sr.: [chuckles] I'm not really a walker.
George Jr.: Well, that's true.

Mary: Well, break it to him gently.
George Sr.: Wait. Me?
Mary: Swimming's a sport, and you're a sports person.
George Sr.: And he's a mama's boy, and you're his mama.

Mary: How about we do it together?
George Sr.: Fine, but you can't hang me out to dry.
Mary: Of course not.
George Sr.: We're a team. We're in this together, right?
Mary: You bet.
George Sr.: [to the baby Jesus] She's gonna hang me out to dry.

George Sr.: We'll make it quick. Go ahead.
Mary: Your father has something to tell you.
George Sr.: Your mother wants you to swim.
Mary: George!
Sheldon: Mom!