Sheldon: And the best news is it's only a four-and-a-half-hour bus ride away.
George: So you want me to ride on a bus for hours with a bunch of kids to a comic book convention?
Sheldon: It's mostly adults. Many are in costumes.
George: No.

Mary: I guess a dishwasher might be nice.
George: There you go. Get a dishwasher.
Mary: I don't know. I'll think about it.
George: What's to think about? Have some fun for once.
Missy: Ooh, we getting something fun with the money?
George: We're talking about a dishwasher.
Missy: When did your dreams die?
George: When we had kids.
Mary: George.

Mary: [low humming] Sounds like the ocean.
George: Oh, it is very relaxing.
Georgie: Kind of makes the rest of the kitchen look trashy.
Sheldon: Ooh, it has a temperature boost sensor.
Mary: What's that?
Sheldon: It makes sure the water is heated to the correct temperature for ideal cleaning and drying results.
All: Ooh.
Missy: [scoffs and walks off]
Mary: Where are you going? You're gonna miss the rinse cycle.
Missy: I'm not missing anything. [exits]
George: [dishwasher beeps] Oh, it beeped. Look up "beep."

George: You ready for your road trip?
Sheldon: Yes. I'm plotting bathroom breaks. It's tricky because I'm not sure how frequently Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis need to urinate. Maybe I should call them.
George: Ooh, I wouldn't. You ask old guys about their bladder, you're in for a long conversation.

George: Here we are.
Missy: Red Lobster?
George: You love this place.
[flashback:]
Missy: Holy moly.
George: It's good, huh?
Missy: Unbelievable.
[present:]
Missy: Yeah, when I was, like, eight.
George: Well, come on, we had our first daddy-daughter date here.
Missy: Oh, my God, don't ever call it that again.
George: What?
Missy: I have friends who come here on actual dates. They might see us.
George: Thought it'd be nice.
Missy: Can we please go anywhere else?
George: [sighs] Fine. You know, they have those cheddar biscuits.
Missy: Dad.
George: Fine.

George: Well, it's not lobster, but... least your friends won't see us.
Missy: Sorry.
George: It's okay. You're just getting older.
Missy: I guess.
George: Sure I was a jackass to my parents, too.
Missy: Hey!
George: How's your burger?
Missy: So good.
George: It is pretty good. Hey, maybe this can be our new spot for daddy-daughter dates.
Missy: Please stop saying that.
George: What? Daddy-daughter dates?
Missy: Yes.
George: Mm. Okay. What would you like me to call our daddy-daughter dates?
Missy: [chuckles] You're so annoying. [George chuckles]

Coach Wilkins: Well, they were floating the idea of me being head coach next year.
George: What the hell, Wayne?
Coach Wilkins: I didn't know what it was gonna be about.
George: Well, what did you tell them?
Coach Wilkins: Look, I want you to keep your job.
George: Well, then tell them you're not interested.
Coach Wilkins: But...if you're not gonna keep your job, I want your job.
George: Really? You want to spend your days coaching lazy kids and getting yelled at by their parents?
Coach Wilkins: Come on, George.
George: Don't forget the dirty looks after you lose, like you're the one that fumbled on the three-yard line. That's the job you want?
Coach Wilkins: It's called coaching, George.

George: I mean, how could Wayne stab me in the back like this?
Mary: I don't think Wayne stabbed you in the back.
George: Can you please just agree with me?
Mary: Sorry. So, what happens now?
George: I don't know. I guess I wait and see if I'm fired.
Mary: Well, if that happens, you can always get another job.
George: Medford has one high school. [stammers] Another job could mean moving.
Mary: But our roots are here. My mom is here.
George: So, moving's got its upsides.

President Hagemeyer: So, what can I do for you?
George: When y'all were first recruiting Sheldon, you offered me a chance to head up your football program.
President Hagemeyer: And you turned us down.
George: I was right in the middle of rebuilding Medford's team, but now, I'm ready for a new challenge.
President Hagemeyer: Well, Mr. Cooper...
George: Please, call me Coach. Oh, and this just occurred to me, but, uh, if I were here, I could help keep an eye on Sheldon, take some of the burden off you.
President Hagemeyer: [laughs] Oh, your son is no burden.
George: He's a pain in the ass, ma'am. You can say it.
President Hagemeyer: Well, whether he is or he isn't...
George: He is.

George: I went to Sheldon's college for a possible coaching gig. They don't even have a team anymore.
Dale: Huh. So you're looking for a new job?
George: Something like that.
Dale: Well, there's plenty of teams out there.
George: Yeah, but I'm starting to think it's gonna be the same BS wherever I go.
Dale: That's how I feel about life. Wherever I go... [blows raspberry]
George: [chuckles] Yeah.
Dale: You ever think about doing something different?
George: Well, I played football, I coach football, I watch a lot of football. So unless sitting here becomes a job...

George: I thought you ended things with her.
Dale: Yeah, not my fault she's okay with it.
George: You know what's better than going on and on about it?
Dale: What's that?
[cut to Dale grunting as he punches a boxing bag in the store:]
George: Come on, you can do better than that. Punch her new car. [Dale grunts] Don't forget it's yellow.
Dale: I mean, since when are cars yellow? It's not a taxi.
George: Less talking, more punching.
Dale: Can I at least have some gloves? My hands hurt.
George: Well, aren't you a tender buttercup.

Mary: Where you going?
George: To meet Dale at the bar. [sighs] I really don't want to hear about this relationship anymore.
Mary: At least he talks about it. My mom just wants to drink and pretend she's fine.
George: That sounds great. Hey, maybe you and I can switch. I'll-I'll finish the dishes, you go hang out with Dale.
Mary: We can't switch.
George: Sure you can. Grab your coat.

Mary: What time are you home tonight?
George: Late. I'm working at Ballard's after practice again.
Mary: How long can you keep this up?
George: Uh, maybe I'll get fired from the high school and only have one job to worry about.
Mandy: I'm sorry.
George: Me, too.

George: Oh, no.
Georgie: I messed up.
George: Oh, no.
Georgie: What do I do?
George: Oh, no.
Georgie: Please, say anything else.
George: I'm trying! Okay... Are you sure she's pregnant?
Georgie: Yes, she took a test.
George: Sometimes those things are wrong.
Georgie: She took more than one.
George: Well... Are you sure it's yours? Some gals like to get around.
Georgie: Dad, she's pregnant, it's mine and she's having it.
George: Y'all are too young to have a baby!
Georgie: I am. She's actually 29.
George: Oh, no.

George: [scoffs] I don't see why I got to wear a tie.
Mary: Because we want to make a good impression.
George: She already met this bozo, aren't we past that?