George: You don't want to be the rebound guy.
Billy Sparks: What's that?
George: That's the guy after the guy she really liked and before the next guy she really likes.
Billy Sparks: What?
George: You and Missy are friends. You go to school together. That could make things complicated if it doesn't go well.
Billy Sparks: I didn't think about that.
George: If she turns you down, you're gonna have to see her all the time.
Billy Sparks: But if it goes right, I get to see her all the time.
George: [sighs] I just think you ought to take a minute and figure out if it's really worth it. I-It's like football. You can go for it on fourth down on your own 20-yard line, but if you don't make it, it's game over.
Billy Sparks: You're not just a football coach. You're a coach of life.

George: Trips left, man in motion. Here comes a pass. [crowd cheers on TV] See that?
Billy Sparks: Now I know where Sheldon gets his brains from.
George: Congratulations. You're the only person to ever say that.
Billy Sparks: What's gonna happen next?
George: You gonna get me a beer.
Billy Sparks: Yes, sir.

George: Tough week, huh?
Billy Sparks: Yeah.
George: Yeah, I been there.
Billy Sparks: You have?
George: Oh, yeah. Darcy Lockhart, eighth grade. Shut me down on the school bus.
Billy Sparks: That sounds awful.
George: Couldn't even leave. Just had to sit there. I asked nine stops too early.
Billy Sparks: What did you do?
George: I felt bad for a while, but then I asked out Maggie Gormly.
Billy Sparks: She said yes?
George: Absolutely not. And would you believe I did it on the bus a second time? What a dope.

Billy Sparks: Well, I'm never asking anybody out again.
George: You will. At least the worst part's over.
Billy Sparks: Doesn't feel like it.
George: Hey. You got rejected, but was it the end of the world?
Billy Sparks: No.
George: And that is extremely valuable information. A lot of guys don't learn that and stop taking chances. And honestly, you dodged a bullet with Missy. The girl is mean.
Billy Sparks: Thanks.

Mary: Missy was asking about sex.
George: What? You don't think that she's...
Mary: No. But she's clearly interested in the topic.
George: That's it... she's grounded till she's 21.
Mary: George.
George: Well, maybe it's good this pastor wants to talk about it. I sure as hell don't.
Mary: [scoffs] You're unbelievable.
George: I had to do it with Georgie, and it was a disaster.
Mary: Well, here is a chance to do it right.
George: I have two words for you: not it.

Mary: Well, I'm glad you enjoyed your class.
Sheldon: For our first assignment, we get to build a bridge. Professor Boucher was part of the Army Corps of Engineers, and he built bridges all over the world.
George: You know, I was also in the Army.
Sheldon: Ooh, perhaps you trudged across one of his bridges. How neat would that be?
Missy: I bet Dad did cool Army stuff, too.
George: Nope. "Trudging" sums it up.

Professor Boucher: So, let me guess. You think I'm being too hard on him and you want me to lighten up?
George: He is having a tough time.
Professor Boucher: It's a tough class.
George: Look, I get it. I was in the Army, too, I-I'm all for being strict, but... he doesn't even know where he's going wrong. You know, maybe you could just point him in the right direction?
Professor Boucher: You mean, give him the answer?
George: No, no. Would you?
Professor Boucher: What do you think?
George: No.
Professor Boucher: See? I didn't give you the answer and you figured it out.

Professor Boucher: Look... your son is obviously brilliant, but coddling him won't prepare him for the real world.
George: I've been saying that since the day he was born.
Professor Boucher: Sometimes you have to break them down to build them back up.
George: I do that with my football players. At least, I try to, but then the parents get all bent out of shape, they come into my office.
Professor Boucher: You don't say.
George: Yeah, you would not believe... Oh. Y-You mean me. Got it.
Professor Boucher: You figured it out again.
George: Hey, I'm two for two.

Sheldon: Did you talk to my teacher?
George: I did.
Sheldon: So, is he gonna tell me what I'm doing wrong?
George: I'm going to. You're sitting here waiting to be handed the answer and that's not how life is. You got to work for it.
Sheldon: I don't want to hear a football pep talk.
George: Hey. This isn't football. This is real. Your professor's right. Now, instead of pouting, take charge of your own life.

Alex Trebek: [on TV] Animated films. Frog anatomy. The Bible.
Missy: Why are you watching Jeopardy?
George: Sheldon's not the only one who likes to learn stuff.
Missy: You don't know where the remote is.
George: It's right here. It's just out of batteries.
Missy: Want me to get some?
George: A can of beer while you're up.

George: The point is, he didn't listen to us then, he's not gonna listen now.
Mary: So, we do nothing?
George: We let him make his own mistakes.
Mary: That just sounds like another way of saying we do nothing. I'm gonna go down there.
George: And that's a mistake I'm gonna let you make. [Mary sighs] [TV continues indistinctly] Missy! Batteries!

George: Look, here's something you should know about life: People lie.
Sheldon: Everybody?
George: Pretty much.
Sheldon: Well, I don't like it.
George: Mm. It's not always a bad thing.
Sheldon: When is lying good?
George: Like when you're trying to spare someone's feelings.
Sheldon: Oh, I'd rather everybody just be honest.
George: Hmm. Fine. The last thing I wanted to do today was pick you up.
Sheldon: You said you were happy to do it.
George: See? Lies. Not the worst.

George: Hey.
Georgie: Mom send you?
George: No. She also doesn't know I'm here, so let's keep that between us.
Georgie: All right.
George: Where's your meemaw?
Georgie: Not here. She leaves me in charge when she's gone.
George: Is that right?
Georgie: I also handle stuff in the Laundromat.
George: Well, good for you.
Georgie: So... you're okay with me working here?
George: Well, since I never been here and we never had this conversation... ...sure.

Mary: And if you're gonna take naps in your dorm, you might want an alarm clock.
George: And remember, no parties. [Sheldon is silent] That was a joke.
Sheldon: And now I know.

Mary: Last chance. You can still come chaperone.
George: Hmm. All night in a church with a bunch of other people's kids.
Mary: And Pastor Jeff and Pastor Rob.
George: Ooh, two pastors? Well, that is hard to say no to, but let me give it a shot. No.
Mary: Your loss. Missy, tell Billy we're leaving in minutes!
Missy: [o.s.] Okay!
George: Billy's going, too, huh?
Mary: Yeah, of course.
George: And Brenda gonna chaperone?
Mary: She was less interested than you.
George: [chuckles] Oh, there's no way she's less interested than me.