Mary: So, are you gonna go out with Ira?
Meemaw: Well, I don't know why not.
Mary: Is that really what you want?
Meemaw: Well, I'm sure as hell not gonna sit home by myself while I try and figure it out.
Mary: Doesn't sound like you're being nice to Ira.
George Sr.: She's not nice. Been saying it for years.

George Sr.: And Sheldon's fine. You know what he's like. If someone took him, I'm sure they'll bring him right back.

Sheldon: Dad, do you believe that fossils are millions of years old?
George Sr.: I guess. Why?
Sheldon: Well, Mom believes the world was only created 6,000 years ago.
George Sr.: Yeah. So?
Sheldon: Are these differences a sticking point in your marriage?
George Sr.: Not at all.
Sheldon: Why?
George Sr.: Simple. We never talk about it.
Sheldon: So you just avoid discussing topics you don't agree on?
George Sr.: At all costs.

Meemaw: I bowled a new high score last night.
George Sr.: Nice.
Meemaw: I got two turkeys.
Missy: What's a turkey?
Meemaw: It's three strikes in a row.
Missy: Why do they call it a turkey?
Meemaw: Well, when they first invented bowling, they used to just throw frozen turkeys at the pins. Eventually, they switched to balls to cut down on the smell.
George Sr.: Why you lying to her?
Meemaw: I find it keeps my mind sharp.

Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, thank you. That looks amazing. I love ice cream.
Meemaw: Did you know that they used to use the anal glands of beavers to make it taste like vanilla?
Ira Rosenbloom: No. Where'd you hear that?
Meemaw: It's just something I picked up along the way.
Ira Rosenbloom: You okay?
Meemaw: Yeah. Let's eat pie.
Ira Rosenbloom: And maybe not the ice cream.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I realize being here after ending my romantic relationship with Connie is unusual. So, as before, I'm perfectly happy to answer any questions that you might have.
Missy: I have a question. Can I eat in front of the TV?
Mary: Sure.
George Jr.: Let's get back to The Shining. When them elevator doors open, oh, man.

Dr. John Sturgis: Excuse me! Everyone!
George Sr.: Oh, boy.
Dr. John Sturgis: I would like to propose a toast to George Cooper. I don't mind telling you I'm going through a bit of a rough patch, and this man went out of his way to take me here and listen to my woes. And George and I don't even know each other that well.
George Sr.: You heard it. Y'all heard it.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I just broke up with a woman. A beautiful, passionate woman. Adventurous. Sensual. Apparently, you're never too old for heartache. But tonight, I found solace in the bosom of male friendship. To George Cooper. [silence] Drinks are on me!
All: To George Cooper! [cheers]