Mary: Why don't you take John to a bar or something?
George: Why?
Mary: 'Cause the children don't need to hear about how attractive he finds their grandmother.
George: Why don't you take him out?
Mary: Fine. You make sure the kids take baths and get to bed. Oh, and Sheldon needs his fingernails trimmed.
[cut to:]
George: Hey, John, what do you say you and I go grab a beer?

Mary: So he's really good to graduate?
Principal Petersen: He sure is. I got to tell ya, usually when kids leave school after two years, it's not for college. It's for prison or pregnancy.
George: Well, between Georgie and Missy, we may hit the trifecta.
Mary: George!
George: Well, I'm not rooting for it. It's just a thing that could happen.

Georgie: A bill? Really?
George: Room and board, buddy.
Georgie: $50 a month for food?
George: The way you eat, I should've gone $50 a week.
Georgie: Laundry services?
George: Your poor mother has to touch your underwear.
Georgie: What's the $10 a month "peema" charge?
George: Oh, P-I-M-A, that's a "Pain in My Ass" tax. My way of getting compensated for you taking years off my life.

Georgie: You know what else is nice?
George: Hmm?
Georgie: I get to learn from all your parenting mistakes.
George: I'm starting to think letting you live this long was one of 'em.
Georgie: Like that. I'd never say something so awful to my kid. [George scoffs] Thanks, big guy.

Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I realize being here after ending my romantic relationship with Connie is unusual. So, as before, I'm perfectly happy to answer any questions that you might have.
Missy: I have a question. Can I eat in front of the TV?
Mary: Sure.
Georgie: Let's get back to The Shining. When them elevator doors open, oh, man.

Dr. John Sturgis: Excuse me! Everyone!
George: Oh, boy.
Dr. John Sturgis: I would like to propose a toast to George Cooper. I don't mind telling you I'm going through a bit of a rough patch, and this man went out of his way to take me here and listen to my woes. And George and I don't even know each other that well.
George: You heard it. Y'all heard it.
Dr. John Sturgis: But I just broke up with a woman. A beautiful, passionate woman. Adventurous. Sensual. Apparently, you're never too old for heartache. But tonight, I found solace in the bosom of male friendship. To George Cooper. [silence] Drinks are on me!
All: To George Cooper! [cheers]

Ira Rosenbloom: Oh, thank you. That looks amazing. I love ice cream.
Meemaw: Did you know that they used to use the anal glands of beavers to make it taste like vanilla?
Ira Rosenbloom: No. Where'd you hear that?
Meemaw: It's just something I picked up along the way.
Ira Rosenbloom: You okay?
Meemaw: Yeah. Let's eat pie.
Ira Rosenbloom: And maybe not the ice cream.