Mary: Missy was asking about sex.
George Sr.: What? You don't think that she's...
Mary: No. But she's clearly interested in the topic.
George Sr.: That's it... she's grounded till she's 21.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: Well, maybe it's good this pastor wants to talk about it. I sure as hell don't.
Mary: [scoffs] You're unbelievable.
George Sr.: I had to do it with Georgie, and it was a disaster.
Mary: Well, here is a chance to do it right.
George Sr.: I have two words for you: not it.

Mary: Well, I'm glad you enjoyed your class.
Sheldon: For our first assignment, we get to build a bridge. Professor Boucher was part of the Army Corps of Engineers, and he built bridges all over the world.
George Sr.: You know, I was also in the Army.
Sheldon: Ooh, perhaps you trudged across one of his bridges. How neat would that be?
Missy: I bet Dad did cool Army stuff, too.
George Sr.: Nope. "Trudging" sums it up.

Professor Boucher: So, let me guess. You think I'm being too hard on him and you want me to lighten up?
George Sr.: He is having a tough time.
Professor Boucher: It's a tough class.
George Sr.: Look, I get it. I was in the Army, too, I-I'm all for being strict, but... he doesn't even know where he's going wrong. You know, maybe you could just point him in the right direction?
Professor Boucher: You mean, give him the answer?
George Sr.: No, no. Would you?
Professor Boucher: What do you think?
George Sr.: No.
Professor Boucher: See? I didn't give you the answer and you figured it out.

Professor Boucher: Look... your son is obviously brilliant, but coddling him won't prepare him for the real world.
George Sr.: I've been saying that since the day he was born.
Professor Boucher: Sometimes you have to break them down to build them back up.
George Sr.: I do that with my football players. At least, I try to, but then the parents get all bent out of shape, they come into my office.
Professor Boucher: You don't say.
George Sr.: Yeah, you would not believe... Oh. Y-You mean me. Got it.
Professor Boucher: You figured it out again.
George Sr.: Hey, I'm two for two.

Sheldon: Did you talk to my teacher?
George Sr.: I did.
Sheldon: So, is he gonna tell me what I'm doing wrong?
George Sr.: I'm going to. You're sitting here waiting to be handed the answer and that's not how life is. You got to work for it.
Sheldon: I don't want to hear a football pep talk.
George Sr.: Hey. This isn't football. This is real. Your professor's right. Now, instead of pouting, take charge of your own life.

Alex Trebek: [on TV] Animated films. Frog anatomy. The Bible.
Missy: Why are you watching Jeopardy?
George Sr.: Sheldon's not the only one who likes to learn stuff.
Missy: You don't know where the remote is.
George Sr.: It's right here. It's just out of batteries.
Missy: Want me to get some?
George Sr.: A can of beer while you're up.

George Sr.: The point is, he didn't listen to us then, he's not gonna listen now.
Mary: So, we do nothing?
George Sr.: We let him make his own mistakes.
Mary: That just sounds like another way of saying we do nothing. I'm gonna go down there.
George Sr.: And that's a mistake I'm gonna let you make. [Mary sighs] [TV continues indistinctly] Missy! Batteries!

George Sr.: Look, here's something you should know about life: People lie.
Sheldon: Everybody?
George Sr.: Pretty much.
Sheldon: Well, I don't like it.
George Sr.: Mm. It's not always a bad thing.
Sheldon: When is lying good?
George Sr.: Like when you're trying to spare someone's feelings.
Sheldon: Oh, I'd rather everybody just be honest.
George Sr.: Hmm. Fine. The last thing I wanted to do today was pick you up.
Sheldon: You said you were happy to do it.
George Sr.: See? Lies. Not the worst.

George Sr.: Hey.
George Jr.: Mom send you?
George Sr.: No. She also doesn't know I'm here, so let's keep that between us.
George Jr.: All right.
George Sr.: Where's your meemaw?
George Jr.: Not here. She leaves me in charge when she's gone.
George Sr.: Is that right?
George Jr.: I also handle stuff in the Laundromat.
George Sr.: Well, good for you.
George Jr.: So... you're okay with me working here?
George Sr.: Well, since I never been here and we never had this conversation... ...sure.

George Sr.: What, Billy won an award?
Brenda Sparks: Participation. Big whoop.
George Sr.: I guess it's something.
Brenda Sparks: Well, he ain't the sharpest pencil in the box, but he's the sweetest kid I know.
George Sr.: Well, Sheldon is the sharpest pencil. Sometimes I'd just like to shove his head in that box.

Mary: And if you're gonna take naps in your dorm, you might want an alarm clock.
George Sr.: And remember, no parties. [Sheldon is silent] That was a joke.
Sheldon: And now I know.

Mary: Last chance. You can still come chaperone.
George Sr.: Hmm. All night in a church with a bunch of other people's kids.
Mary: And Pastor Jeff and Pastor Rob.
George Sr.: Ooh, two pastors? Well, that is hard to say no to, but let me give it a shot. No.
Mary: Your loss. Missy, tell Billy we're leaving in minutes!
Missy: [o.s.] Okay!
George Sr.: Billy's going, too, huh?
Mary: Yeah, of course.
George Sr.: And Brenda gonna chaperone?
Mary: She was less interested than you.
George Sr.: [chuckles] Oh, there's no way she's less interested than me.

Sheldon: And the best news is it's only a four-and-a-half-hour bus ride away.
George Sr.: So you want me to ride on a bus for hours with a bunch of kids to a comic book convention?
Sheldon: It's mostly adults. Many are in costumes.
George Sr.: No.

Mary: I guess a dishwasher might be nice.
George Sr.: There you go. Get a dishwasher.
Mary: I don't know. I'll think about it.
George Sr.: What's to think about? Have some fun for once.
Missy: Ooh, we getting something fun with the money?
George Sr.: We're talking about a dishwasher.
Missy: When did your dreams die?
George Sr.: When we had kids.
Mary: George.

Mary: [low humming] Sounds like the ocean.
George Sr.: Oh, it is very relaxing.
George Jr.: Kind of makes the rest of the kitchen look trashy.
Sheldon: Ooh, it has a temperature boost sensor.
Mary: What's that?
Sheldon: It makes sure the water is heated to the correct temperature for ideal cleaning and drying results.
All: Ooh.
Missy: [scoffs and walks off]
Mary: Where are you going? You're gonna miss the rinse cycle.
Missy: I'm not missing anything. [exits]
George Sr.: [dishwasher beeps] Oh, it beeped. Look up "beep."

George Sr.: You ready for your road trip?
Sheldon: Yes. I'm plotting bathroom breaks. It's tricky because I'm not sure how frequently Dr. Linkletter and Dr. Sturgis need to urinate. Maybe I should call them.
George Sr.: Ooh, I wouldn't. You ask old guys about their bladder, you're in for a long conversation.

George Sr.: Here we are.
Missy: Red Lobster?
George Sr.: You love this place.
[flashback:]
Missy: Holy moly.
George Sr.: It's good, huh?
Missy: Unbelievable.
[present:]
Missy: Yeah, when I was, like, eight.
George Sr.: Well, come on, we had our first daddy-daughter date here.
Missy: Oh, my God, don't ever call it that again.
George Sr.: What?
Missy: I have friends who come here on actual dates. They might see us.
George Sr.: Thought it'd be nice.
Missy: Can we please go anywhere else?
George Sr.: [sighs] Fine. You know, they have those cheddar biscuits.
Missy: Dad.
George Sr.: Fine.

George Sr.: Well, it's not lobster, but... least your friends won't see us.
Missy: Sorry.
George Sr.: It's okay. You're just getting older.
Missy: I guess.
George Sr.: Sure I was a jackass to my parents, too.
Missy: Hey!
George Sr.: How's your burger?
Missy: So good.
George Sr.: It is pretty good. Hey, maybe this can be our new spot for daddy-daughter dates.
Missy: Please stop saying that.
George Sr.: What? Daddy-daughter dates?
Missy: Yes.
George Sr.: Mm. Okay. What would you like me to call our daddy-daughter dates?
Missy: [chuckles] You're so annoying. [George chuckles]

Coach Wilkins: Well, they were floating the idea of me being head coach next year.
George Sr.: What the hell, Wayne?
Coach Wilkins: I didn't know what it was gonna be about.
George Sr.: Well, what did you tell them?
Coach Wilkins: Look, I want you to keep your job.
George Sr.: Well, then tell them you're not interested.
Coach Wilkins: But...if you're not gonna keep your job, I want your job.
George Sr.: Really? You want to spend your days coaching lazy kids and getting yelled at by their parents?
Coach Wilkins: Come on, George.
George Sr.: Don't forget the dirty looks after you lose, like you're the one that fumbled on the three-yard line. That's the job you want?
Coach Wilkins: It's called coaching, George.

George Sr.: I mean, how could Wayne stab me in the back like this?
Mary: I don't think Wayne stabbed you in the back.
George Sr.: Can you please just agree with me?
Mary: Sorry. So, what happens now?
George Sr.: I don't know. I guess I wait and see if I'm fired.
Mary: Well, if that happens, you can always get another job.
George Sr.: Medford has one high school. [stammers] Another job could mean moving.
Mary: But our roots are here. My mom is here.
George Sr.: So, moving's got its upsides.