George Sr.: Go!
Sheldon: And you're surprised I have an ulcer.
George Sr.: I'm surprised I don't have one.

Dr. Eberland: Um, Radio Shack?
Mary: He's trying to figure out how to help NASA land rockets.
Dr. Eberland: Oh. Well, that's a nice thing.
George Sr.: He's just doing it out of spite.

Dr. Gilbert: Y'all can exhale. Surgery went great.
Mary: Thank you, Jesus.
Dr. Gilbert: Sheldon's gonna need to stay here three, four days, which is standard, but, uh, after that he's good to go home.
George Sr.: Really appreciate it, Doctor.
Mary: Oh. We can't thank you enough for takin' care of him.
Dr. Gilbert: He's extremely intelligent, isn't he?
George Sr.: Oh, yeah. He's our special little boy.

Mary: Where is he?
George Sr.: He's fine. He's in the bathroom workin' it out.
Mary: Shelly, you okay in there?
Sheldon: No.
George Sr.: Give it a few more minutes. Eyes on the prize!

George Sr.: You're gonna be fine. One good dump and you'll feel right as rain.
Sheldon: Can you please not call it that?
George Sr.: What, "dump"?
Sheldon: Yes.
George Sr.: You want me to say "poop"?
Sheldon: I want you to stop talking about it.
George Sr.: B.M.?
Sheldon: Dad!

Mary: Okay, let's talk about food.
George Sr.: No need to. He likes his meat cooked to at least 165 degrees, except for chicken which is 180. The different foods can't touch each other on the plate. Ketchup and mustard must come out of a packet. No bottles.
Mary: What about his issues with spaghetti?
George Sr.: That's a trick question. He likes spaghetti.

Trang Nguyen: Hello.
George Sr.: Hi. You must be Mrs ... Tam's mom. I'm Sheldon's dad, George Cooper.
Trang Nguyen: Nice to meet you.
George Sr.: Thanks for letting him spend the night. It's his first sleepover. He's excited.
Sheldon: Actually, I'm quite apprehens-
George Sr.: He's really looking forward to it.

George Sr.: Oh, okay. Just so I'm clear, my money's our money, but your money's your money?
Mary: That's right.

Sheldon: Dad?
George Sr.: Yeah?
Sheldon: Thank you.
George Sr.: You're welcome.

George Sr.: So, Sheldon, me and Georgie are gonna take a little road trip this weekend, see the shuttle launch.
George Jr.: Looks like I don't get a vote in this.
George Sr.: Oh, good, you're catching on.

Mary: George, you have to make an effort. Young boys who don't spend time with their daddies grow up to be oddballs.
George Sr.: Honey, I hate to tell you, but that ball is already pretty odd.

George Sr.: He's gonna be fine.
Mary: You don't have to tell me that. I know he's gonna be fine.
George Sr.: If you believe that, why aren't you in bed right now?
Mary: Because this is the same boy who couldn't find his way out of that sleeping bag.
George Sr.: He made his way out. Just took him five or ten minutes.

Mary: I do not like what this study is doing to Sheldon.
George Sr.: What're you talking about? He had a great time.
Mary: All the way home all he could talk about is how that doctor thought he was so smart.
It's not healthy.
George Sr.: Would it make you feel any better if I told you how much money we made today?
Mary: No, it would not.
George Sr.: $300.
Mary: Really?
George Sr.: Cash.
Mary: Okay, well, still, I I'm not interested in profiting off my children.
George Sr.: You see, honey, that's where you and I are very different.

Mary: Look, we appreciate you going to bat for him, but he's just a wee little thing. We can't ship him off to Dallas.
George Sr.: Shouldn't we talk about this first?
Mary: What's there to talk about, George?
George Sr.: This could be a great opportunity for Sheldon.
Mary: He's nine years old.
George Sr.: Oh, come on, you can't measure him in Earth years.
Mary: You're saying he's an alien?

Mary: All right, let's say grace.
George Jr.: [SNIFFLES] Guess I get to hold hands with you now.
George Sr.: Guess so. Maybe Sheldon's mittens weren't such a bad idea.

George Sr.: I'm proud of him for trying to overcome that damn dog phobia.
Mary: You should tell him that.
George Sr.: Well, if he ever leaves that bathroom, I will.

George Sr.: Take your time, baby. The meter's running.

George Sr.: I thought you didn't like taking the Lord's name in vain?
Mary: Oh, shut up.
George Sr.: It's been a while, huh?
Mary: Don't blame me. You're the one who had a heart attack.
George Sr.: Mm, the doctor did say I needed to get more exercise.
Mary: I think he meant walks around the block.
George Sr.: No, he winked at me, and did this little rotation with his hips.

George Sr.: Well, Missy won that round.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's actually not a contest, George.
George Sr.: This is Texas. Everything's a contest.

George Sr.: No. See, Mary, that's the best part There's no pokin' and proddin'.