Trang Nguyen: Hello.
George: Hi. You must be Mrs ... Tam's mom. I'm Sheldon's dad, George Cooper.
Trang Nguyen: Nice to meet you.
George: Thanks for letting him spend the night. It's his first sleepover. He's excited.
Sheldon: Actually, I'm quite apprehens-
George: He's really looking forward to it.

George: It's all your mother's fault. She is a bad person. I've been telling you for years.

George: No. See, Mary, that's the best part There's no pokin' and proddin'.

George: Take your time, baby. The meter's running.

Mary: I do not like what this study is doing to Sheldon.
George: What're you talking about? He had a great time.
Mary: All the way home all he could talk about is how that doctor thought he was so smart.
It's not healthy.
George: Would it make you feel any better if I told you how much money we made today?
Mary: No, it would not.
George: $300.
Mary: Really?
George: Cash.
Mary: Okay, well, still, I I'm not interested in profiting off my children.
George: You see, honey, that's where you and I are very different.

George: Well, Missy won that round.
Dr. John Sturgis: It's actually not a contest, George.
George: This is Texas. Everything's a contest.

Mary: What do you think, baby?
Missy: I pick Red Lobster.
Mary: You got it.
George: Damn. There goes our per diem.

Mary: Look at this. We threw a party for heaven and nobody came. Not one person chose to be saved.
George: Well, did you tell 'em about the cupcakes?

Georgie: So me and Herschel dropped the engine on this Pacer today. It was so cool.
George: I had a buddy in high school had a Pacer with the flames painted on the side, which was funny 'cause the damn thing caught fire during the Homecoming parade

Coach Wilkins: I didn't see your kid at practice today. Everything all right?
George: Not really. ... That's it? You're not gonna ask me what's going on?
Coach Wilkins: I just did. You shut me out.
George: Well, it doesn't mean you can't persist a little.
Coach Wilkins: You know, this is the kind of crap I get from my wife. I do not need it from you.
George: Sorry. [SNIFFLES] You're really not gonna ask?

Herschel Sparks: Sorry about the light beer, but Brenda's got me on this health kick.
George: You are melting away.
Herschel Sparks: Shut up.

George: You're gonna be fine. One good dump and you'll feel right as rain.
Sheldon: Can you please not call it that?
George: What, "dump"?
Sheldon: Yes.
George: You want me to say "poop"?
Sheldon: I want you to stop talking about it.
George: B.M.?
Sheldon: Dad!

Mary: Where is he?
George: He's fine. He's in the bathroom workin' it out.
Mary: Shelly, you okay in there?
Sheldon: No.
George: Give it a few more minutes. Eyes on the prize!

Dr. Gilbert: Y'all can exhale. Surgery went great.
Mary: Thank you, Jesus.
Dr. Gilbert: Sheldon's gonna need to stay here three, four days, which is standard, but, uh, after that he's good to go home.
George: Really appreciate it, Doctor.
Mary: Oh. We can't thank you enough for takin' care of him.
Dr. Gilbert: He's extremely intelligent, isn't he?
George: Oh, yeah. He's our special little boy.

George: Listen to me. Hey. You're a good-looking kid, and you got a big heart. Once we get you on a daily shower schedule, the girls are gonna be lining up.
Georgie: I don't want girls. I want Veronica.
George: Yeah, maybe you'll get her and maybe you won't. But someday, you'll find the woman who was really meant for you.
Mary: You mean like Kathryn Dempsey?
George: Alaska's beautiful. How 'bout I go with you?
Georgie: Who's Kathryn Dempsey?
George: I was 15 years. I was 15 years old!