Georgie: I found an engagement ring.
Meemaw: Oh, let me see it.
Georgie: Well, I- I don't have it yet. It's a little expensive.
Dale: Oh. Son, as a man who's been through a divorce, let me give you some advice.
Meemaw: Here we go.
Dale: Do not spend a lot of money on a ring.
Georgie: But I love her.
Dale: We all loved them in the beginning.
Georgie: Does he have to be here?

Dale: Hey, how's it going?
Meemaw: I don't have coverage for tornados.
Dale: So call it a hurricane.
Meemaw: I did.
Dale: Flood?
Meemaw: I tried that.
Dale: Locusts?
Meemaw: You're not helping.

Dale: Hi. I brought you flowers.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Dale: I was stupid.
Meemaw: No, I was stupid.
Dale: This feels like a trap.
Meemaw: I was embarrassed about the insurance thing, 'cause I didn't think anything like this was gonna ever happen to me, and... now I've lost everything. Worse, I've lost living with Mandy and my little great-granddaughter, and... I liked that.
Dale: Yeah, I get it. But look on the bright side, you're running a successful criminal enterprise. Before you know it, you're gonna have enough money to rebuild. Assuming you stay out of jail. [Meemaw pulls a face and walks off] Eh, two years from now, that's gonna be so funny.

Mary: So, what's going on with your house?
Meemaw: Well, I'm gonna rebuild. It's just gonna take a while.
Dale: In the meantime, she has a home.
Mary: Oh, thank you for that.
Dale: With a man who gives her plenty of loving.

Meemaw: Tell you what, next time you start feeling sorry for yourself for being a little displaced, you just take a gander at my home of 47 years. [Meemaw hands Mary a photo of her destroyed house]
Mary: I'm sorry. This is terrible.
Dale: Yeah, I took that picture with my Minolta. Made the front page of the local paper. I got a copy of it around here somewhere.
Meemaw: She don't wanna see it.
Dale: Of course she does.

Meemaw: You know, sometimes grandparents just think they can do whatever they want.
Mandy: And they can't.
Meemaw: That's right. Great-grandparents, on the other hand, well, they get a free pass.
Dale: 'Cause they got one foot in the grave.
Meemaw: Take a break.

Mandy: Y'all got anything going on today?
Meemaw: Not much.
Dale: Well, I had a nap on the docket.

Georgie: So we're really not gonna invite our folks?
Mandy: Is that okay?
Georgie: Mm, I guess the only person I need there is you.
Dale: Oh. A spite wedding. I had one of those.
Meemaw: Shut up. Let me get my purse.

Dale: [plays guitar and sings] ♪ Met her on the mountain ♪ ♪ There I took her life ♪ ♪ Met her on the mountain ♪ [Cee fusses] ♪ Stabbed her with my knife. ♪ [crying] Yeah, it's kind of a sad one. Yeah. You'll like this one. ♪ Delia, oh, Delia ♪ ♪ Delia all my life ♪ ♪ If I hadn't shot poor Delia. ♪ Here you go. This is for you. ♪ Hey, yeah, baby ♪ ♪ Shake it on down. ♪ [CeeCee coos] That's the one. That's the one.

Rich: How's that feel?
Meemaw: Unnecessary.
Officer Gilroy: You ran from the police. You're a flight risk.
Dale: She can't run. She got a funky hip. She can barely waddle.
Meemaw: Watch it.

Dale: Ooh. I found a corner.
Meemaw: Congratulations.
Dale: Oh, come on. We can have a little fun.
Meemaw: I have lost my business, I have lost my home, I have lost my freedom, and you want to have fun?
Dale: A little fun.
Meemaw: Do you not understand? I could be going to jail.
Dale: Oh, come on, please. They're not gonna send a sweet old grandma to the pokey.
Meemaw: Well, I hope not.
Dale: Ah. Well, tell me something if you would. Is that sky or water?
Meemaw: Let me see it. [examines the piece and throws it across the room]
Dale: It's a good thing that didn't go 50 yards. You can still get it.

Dale: Is that what you're gonna wear for the family portrait?
Meemaw: We all are.
Dale: Well, that'll be special.
Meemaw: It'll make Mary happy.
Dale: Yeah. All your loved ones together.
Meemaw: Are you upset you're not gonna be in the picture?
Dale: Standing in a field full of pollen with this nose? Are you kidding me?

June: [on answer machine] Hey, Connie, it's June. You know, I don't feel good about what happened the other night, and I just want to say I'm sorry. Could you give me a call back? Thanks. Bye. [machine beeps]
Meemaw: That's nice.
Dale: I don't know why you get an apology. I'm the one she was trying to piss off.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Looks like she's still doing it.
Dale: All the years we were married, I never once got an apology.
Meemaw: Well, you're not exactly the apologizing kind yourself, you know.
Dale: Well, that's not true. For years after we broke up, I was telling people I was sorry I married her.

Dale: [on the phone] Don't worry. I know how to get along with people.
Meemaw: Knowing how and doing it are two different things.
Dale: Okay, okay. I-I'll be nice.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Dale: To your goofy little friend.

Meemaw: Are you disappointed this isn't more like some old cop show?
Dale: I loved Rockford Files.
Meemaw: Well, I tell you what, when he gets here, you're my muscle. If anything goes sideways, you jump in.
Dale: See, now you're talking. I'll stand behind you and I'll crack my knuckles.
Meemaw: With your arthritis?
Dale: It's only bad when it rains.