Umpire: Strike!
Missy: Yes!
Dale: Aw, don't get all hysterical, little girl!
Missy: You suck!
Dale: You suck!
Missy: No! You suck!
Umpire: Strike!
Dale: I am the leader of the little people.

June: What's your problem?
Meemaw: Yeah, what is your problem?
Dale: Who said I had a problem?
Meemaw: We did.
June: You're being rude.
Dale: Okay, you want to spend all your money on some boy toy, it's none of my business.
Meemaw: Why do you care what she does with her own money?
June: Yeah, why?
Dale: Well, you got some young guy running around, asking for money. You don't think I know what that's all about?
June: Okay, he didn't ask... I offered. And I can do what I want. I'm a grown woman.
Dale: Oh, hell, you were a grown woman when he was born.

Dale: [on the phone] Don't worry. I know how to get along with people.
Meemaw: Knowing how and doing it are two different things.
Dale: Okay, okay. I-I'll be nice.
Meemaw: Thank you.
Dale: To your goofy little friend.

Meemaw: I'm gonna open my game room.
Dale: How?
Meemaw: I don't know.
Dale: Move to a new location?
Meemaw: I don't know!
Dale: What about the Laundromat?
Meemaw: Keep asking questions, see what happens.
Dale: Last one.
Meemaw: What?
Dale: How'd you get so pretty?
Meemaw: I hate you.
Dale: I like you.

Meemaw: [to John] Here's the deal... you get one night here, then you're out.
George Jr.: And don't ask for cookies. She is in no mood.
Dale: Well... You know who's at my place? No one.
Meemaw: I think I should stay here and keep an eye on these two.
Dale: It wasn't an invite. Just something I was looking forward to. Later.
Dr. John Sturgis: Bye. Did he get a haircut? It looks really nice.

Dale: Did you see that ridiculous car she bought?
George Sr.: Nope, but I sure have heard a lot about it.
Dale: What is her problem? She think she can do better than me?
George Sr.: Don't know what she thinks.
Dale: I'm a catch.
George Sr.: Okay.
Dale: You don't think I'm a catch?
George Sr.: You're a catch. You're very catchable.
Dale: Darn tootin'.

Dale: So you gonna sell the place?
Meemaw: No.
Dale: Instead of crime boss, you're gonna be a laundry boss. Well, I guess that's just as cool.

Dale: So the baby's yours?
George Jr.: What am I gonna do?
Dale: Is there any chance she might decide not to have it? Put it up for adoption?
George Jr.: Not happening. She's keeping it.
Dale: Well, I hope you enjoyed being young and carefree, because that ship has sailed.
George Jr.: Not helpful.
Dale: No.

George Sr.: I saw Georgie stopped by earlier.
Dale: Well, yeah, he does that once in a while.
George Sr.: Yeah. Didn't realize y'all were so close.
Dale: Oh, uh, I wouldn't say close. He might. I wouldn't.
George Sr.: So, uh, what'd he come by for?
Dale: Just to chat.
George Sr.: Really?
Dale: Mm.
George Sr.: Well, I guess it's good he's comfortable talking to someone.
Dale: Uh-huh.
George Sr.: Instead of his own father.
Dale: Uh, I... I'm sure he'll talk to you.
George Sr.: Thanks. [walks off]
Dale: [to himself] And you're not gonna like it.

Dale: I-I thought you liked being retired... now you want to be a business owner? It's not as much as fun as I make it look.
Meemaw: Listen, I've been gambling my whole life and losing to the house. This is my chance to be the house.
Dale: You go to prison, I ain't waitin' for you.
Meemaw: You really have the energy to find a new girlfriend?
Dale: I'll wait. [Meemaw chuckles]

Meemaw: So, I was thinking about what you were saying last night.
Dale: You know, you could've just said, "I don't want to travel."
Meemaw: You're picturing a future where we slow down, and I'm just getting going.
Dale: Well, I've been going for 40 years. When George started talking about taking over the store, I-I... I saw a way out.
Meemaw: Then do it.
Dale: [chuckles] I don't want to do it without you, dummy.
Meemaw: Well, then you're gonna have to wait a little.
Dale: I don't think I can do that.
Meemaw: What are you saying?
Dale: You know I love you, right?
Meemaw: I love you, too.
Dale: But we're done.

Meemaw: I guess I'll just sell the place. If I take a bath, so be it.
Dale: Oh, I don't know. I got a realtor friend, might be able to help.
Meemaw: You mean like your cop friend who shut me down?
Dale: Yeah, that wasn't great.

Dale: [answers phone] Ballard's.
Meemaw: Hello.
Dale: Hey, what's up?
Meemaw: Oh, nothing. I just called to say hello.
Dale: Oh. Gee, I don't think I've done that in my entire life.
Meemaw: You want me to hang up?
Dale: No. Uh-uh. W... But what happens next?

Meemaw: [on the phone] Hi, June. What's going on?
June: I know you have a hair appointment this afternoon, but I'm gonna have to cancel.
Meemaw: Everything okay?
June: No, I busted my knee up pretty good.
Meemaw: Oh. Does Dale know? I-I'm on the other line with him.
June: No, not yet. Yeah, you can tell him.
Meemaw: Okay, hang on. [changes line] Hello?
Dale: I'm so sorry, who's this? It's been so long.
Meemaw: I'm on the phone with June. She hurt her knee.
Dale: How?
Meemaw: Well, hold on. [changes line] How'd you hurt it?
June: Oh, it's so embarrassing. I slipped on a glob of hair gel at the salon.
Meemaw: Wait a minute. [changes line] She slipped on a glob of hair gel at the salon.
Dale: [laughs] Oh, nice. Well, that was worth the wait.

Dale: [answers phone] Ballard's.
June: It's me. Any chance you could swing by?
Dale: What do you need?
June: Well, the recliner won't go down, and I'm stuck in this chair like a damn fool.
Dale: Well, that is a situation. How long you been stuck?
June: Are you gonna help me out or not?
Dale: Oh, just give me a moment to enjoy it.
June: Get your ass over here and you can laugh at me in person.
Dale: Eh, I'm on my way.
June: [exhales] Thank you.
Dale: Got to grab my camera.

Dale: How about selling footballs?
George Sr.: You mean, like, at your store?
Dale: Yeah. I could always use the help.
George Sr.: I'm not looking for a handout.
Dale: That's not what this is. I'd love to have more time off. And it could be nice to have someone at the store who I could trust.
George Sr.: Well, thanks, uh... I'll think about it.
Dale: Well, don't thank me, I'm just taking advantage of your crappy situation.
George Sr.: How do you know I'm not taking advantage of yours?
Dale: Because I'm a very successful businessman, and you're sitting here in the middle of the day.
George Sr.: Well, you're here, too.
Dale: You were here first.

Dale: George?
George Sr.: Hey, Dale.
Dale: Surprised to see you here.
George Sr.: Are you?
Dale: Not even a little.
George Sr.: You ever hear of a Texas college that only plays soccer?
Dale: [sighs] Can I get a beer first before we start with the hard questions?

Meemaw: Hey.
Dale: Hey! Came to see your man be a leader of little people, huh?
Meemaw: I came to see my granddaughter pitch.
Dale: Yeah, under my leadership. All right, Cooper, let's see what you got. Come on, girl! [Missy pitches] Come on, shake it off! You got this. [Missy pitches again] What the hell was that?
Meemaw: Well, there's some leadership.

Dale: Cooper, what is the problem?
Missy: The ball isn't going where it's supposed to.
Dale: I saw that.
Missy: What am I doing wrong?
Dale: Just a little case of the yips. It happens.
Missy: What's that?
Dale: The yips... you know, it's when you're thinking about stuff in your head and something you've done a million times, you can't do it anymore. Even the pros get it.
Missy: How do I get rid of it?
Dale: Uh, just don't think about it.
Missy: Okay. [sighs]
Dale: Don't think, just throw. [Missy pitches] [crowd groans] I hate the little people.

Meemaw: [on the phone] What'd I say?
Dale: You don't remember?
[flashback:]
Meemaw: And then I lost $20 at the video poker bar, and then we sang karaoke.
June: Tell him about the shrimp.
Meemaw: [chuckles)]We went to the all-you-can-eat buffet, you know, and they had these jumbo shrimp. [June laughs] And, I mean, they weren't just saying they were jumbo.
June: So big!
[present:]
Meemaw: Are you gonna tell me what I said or not?
Dale: Hell no. I'm having too much fun.
Meemaw: I hate you.
Dale: [chuckles] I can live with that.