[Mandy arrives back at Meemaw's house and starts to head up the stairs]
Dale: [o.s.] Rub harder. Harder.
Meemaw: [o.s.] I'm rubbing as hard as I can.
Dale: Well, use your elbow.
Meemaw: All right. [Dale groaning]
Mandy: [to herself] I don't need my toothbrush.
Meemaw: You like that?
Dale: Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Dale: Well, just give me a minute, I'll be ready.
Meemaw: Why don't we just call it a night and get some sleep?
Dale: That's fine by me, but just to be clear, you're calling it, not me.
Meemaw: Yep.
Dale: I'm good to go.
Meemaw: I'm sure you are.
Dale: Yep. Damn tootin'. [groans]

Dale: Nice looking watch you got there.
Marty: Thanks.
Dale: Is it new?
Marty: Actually, yeah.
Dale: Interesting. You recently come into some money?
Marty: Kind of. My uncle just passed away.
Dale: Oh. Well, ain't that a coincidence? What from?
Marty: Emphysema.
Dale: He smoke?
Marty: Yeah.
Dale: All right, then.

Meemaw: Maybe instead of harassing the customers, why don't you go over and stand by that door and just look intimidating?
Dale: [whispers] You got it. Watch this.
[Dale stands up against the door]
Meemaw: You want a chair?
Dale: Chair would be good. Yeah. Let me go get my inflatable donut. [whispers] Got a little fire in the valley.

Georgie: There they go.
Dale: I think we scared them off.
Georgie: Yeah, we did.
Dale: [chuckles] We are heroes. [they high-five]
Georgie: Damn straight.
Dale: Yeah.

Dale: Pastor Jeff is out there.
Meemaw: So?
Dale: So? He wanted to shut down the video store. What do you think he's gonna do when he finds out about all this?
Meemaw: He's not gonna find out unless you start acting all weird. Did you already start acting all weird?
Dale: Nah. Yeah.
Meemaw: I'll handle it.

George: And Connie, obviously, you're welcome, too.
Meemaw: Obviously. But I'm sure that Dale was about to offer.
Dale: I was gonna. I'm just taking a break.

Mandy: So, what am I gonna do? I mean, I live with Mary, and... I'm stuck with my mother.
Meemaw: Well, there have to be consequences. Maybe you could start by cutting off access to CeeCee for a little while.
Mandy: Yeah, but then I have no babysitters.
Meemaw: Well, let's keep thinking.
Mandy: Unless you two are volunteering.
Dale: Keep thinking.

Dale: Oh, Connie. H-How much is bail?
Officer Gilroy: Won't know till Monday.
Meemaw: What?
Officer Gilroy: Judge left town for the weekend.
Meemaw: Well, get him back.
Officer Gilroy: Can't. Gone fishing.
Dale: Beautiful day for it. Where'd he go?
Meemaw: Dale.
Dale: Right.

Mary: George told me about the arrest.
Dale: Oh. Yeah. Boy, I know how to pick 'em, huh?
Mary: Is she okay?
Dale: Oh, yeah, she's a tough old bird.
Mary: Well, let me take the baby off your hands till the kids come back.
Dale: Well, but we're having such a good time.
Mary: Dale.
Dale: She likes me.
Mary: Dale.
Dale: [sighs] Oh. Fine. You get the baby, I'll grab her Binky. [Mary goes inside] You know, she really does like me.

Meemaw: My chariot awaits.
Dale: Oh. Did you have dinner?
Meemaw: They ordered in some pizza from Del Bonos.
Dale: That sounds good. I had cold spaghetti.

Meemaw: Well, I'll see you Monday.
Dale: Well, they have visiting hours. I can come tomorrow morning.
Meemaw: Not till 1:00.
Dale: Oh, I see. My game's on. So, how about 4:30 or 5:00?
Meemaw: I'll see you Monday.
Dale: All right. See ya. [Meemaw leaves] Well, why does she get pizza? I want pizza.

Dale: All right. So I believe that completes the sky. Satisfying, huh? [Meemaw looks unimpressed] So, what do you think? Want to get some exercise, go for a walk until you start beeping?
Meemaw: Ha, ha, ha. It's not funny. My life is in shambles, and I'm too old to start over.
Dale: Oh, come on. You are not too old. Now, listen, you are a smart, vibrant, perky woman.
Meemaw: Perky?
Dale: Well, yeah, compared to me. [chuckles] And I'll tell you another thing. Your life's not over. You are writing a new chapter in the book of you. A book where a perky heroine rises up and...
Meemaw: And what?
Dale: I don't know. Y-You want to get drunk?
Meemaw: Yes.
Dale: Great. I'm gonna run to the liquor store. You want to come with me?
Meemaw: Dale!
Dale: Right. Okay. Be back in a jiffy. [exits]
Meemaw: God help me, I love him.

Bryce: The good news is, I've had some encouraging talks with the district attorney, and I think that we can...
Meemaw: Hang on. How old are you?
Bryce: I know I look young, but I'm 24.
Meemaw: You bring me a child attorney?
Dale: Well, you were about to take advice from a 14-year-old.
Bryce: Oh, who's that? I might know him.

Dale: Come on, Connie.
Bryce: Yeah. No one wants to see a grandma behind bars.
Dale: Great-grandma.
Bryce: Oh, wow.
Dale: Yeah. How old are you?
Meemaw: None of your business.
Bryce: So, do I tell 'em we have a deal?
Meemaw: Okay, fine.
Dale: Oh, thank God. I'm too old to find somebody new.