June: [on answer machine] Hey, Connie, it's June. You know, I don't feel good about what happened the other night, and I just want to say I'm sorry. Could you give me a call back? Thanks. Bye. [machine beeps]
Meemaw: That's nice.
Dale: I don't know why you get an apology. I'm the one she was trying to piss off.
Meemaw: [chuckles] Looks like she's still doing it.
Dale: All the years we were married, I never once got an apology.
Meemaw: Well, you're not exactly the apologizing kind yourself, you know.
Dale: Well, that's not true. For years after we broke up, I was telling people I was sorry I married her.

Meemaw: Where we eating tonight?
Dale: Well, that depends. Why don't you look in the glovebox and check on the Tums situation.
Meemaw: There's five.
Dale: Oh, my, this is tricky. Well, Mexican's at least three apiece.
Meemaw: We might get by with two each if it's Italian.
Dale: You get red wine and then tomato sauce. Hey, if they put lemon in the water, we're dead.
Meemaw: Hmm. That leaves barbecue.
Dale: Sold.
Meemaw: Who gets Tum number three?
Dale: Me. They're my Tums.

Meemaw: I'll have the rib eye, medium rare.
Waiter: And for you?
Dale: Uh, just the house salad, please.
Waiter: Very good.
Meemaw: House salad? You watching your figure?
Dale: I have a physical tomorrow.
Meemaw: Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now?
Dale: Can't hurt.
Meemaw: It ain't gonna undo years of red meat and beer.
Dale: I'm not trying to undo it, I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.

Meemaw: I got to go open up the gambling room. Can you watch her for about an hour?
Dale: I just had coffee and a bowl of Raisin Bran. Next hour is spoken for.
Meemaw: You could've just said no.
Dale: I'm trying to keep the romance alive.

Sheldon: I'm hurt Dr. Linkletter doesn't want me as a friend.
Mary: Understandable.
Sheldon: I'm also angry. I don't like having two feelings at once. It's annoying. Great, annoyed. That's three.

[title: Sci-Fi Club:]
Sheldon: So, what kind of activities does the Science Fiction Club engage in?
Greg: Well, this Friday we're having a screening of Star Wars on laser disc.
Sheldon: I thought this was the Science Fiction Club.
Greg: It is.
Sheldon: Star Wars is science fantasy. The Force is basically magic. At that point, you might as well be watching The Hobbit.
Greg: That's next week.
Sheldon: This is madness.

Dr. Willard: The Moho lies between the mantle and the crust, and...
Sheldon: Excuse me, I'm looking for Dr. Linkletter.
Dr. Willard: He's not here.
Sheldon: Sorry for wasting your time. Oh, this is geology. You're already wasting your time.