Mary: So, what's going on with your house?
Meemaw: Well, I'm gonna rebuild. It's just gonna take a while.
Dale: In the meantime, she has a home.
Mary: Oh, thank you for that.
Dale: With a man who gives her plenty of loving.

Georgie: [o.s.] Did you like school?
Dale: Hated it. I quit and I joined the Army.
Georgie: [o.s.] How was that?
Dale: Less girls, more getting shot at.
Georgie: [enters] Well, at least you made it out alive.
Dale: Well, then I got married. Made me kind of miss getting shot at.
Georgie: Have you ever been happy?
Dale: Ooh, let's see. No.

Dale: Little late to start a movie.
Meemaw: It's 8:00.
Dale: We're saying the same thing.

Meemaw: I'll have the rib eye, medium rare.
Waiter: And for you?
Dale: Uh, just the house salad, please.
Waiter: Very good.
Meemaw: House salad? You watching your figure?
Dale: I have a physical tomorrow.
Meemaw: Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now?
Dale: Can't hurt.
Meemaw: It ain't gonna undo years of red meat and beer.
Dale: I'm not trying to undo it, I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.

Mary: Are you ready for your surprise?
George: I sure am.
Mary: Okay. [German accent] Hello, you handsome American boy toy. I am Helga. Do you like what you see?
George: [German accent] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. [both laugh]
[Sheldon unlocks the front door and walks into the house]
Sheldon: Hello?
Mary: [o.s.] Are you sure your wife won't come home?
George: [o.s.] [laughs] I'm sure.
[Sheldon knocks on his parents' bedroom door and then opens it]
George: [o.s.] Yeah, yeah. [Mary laughs] Oh, Helga.
Adult Sheldon: I never talked to my father about what I saw that day, but, from then on, I added extra knocks so people could get their pants on.

Sheldon: Mark my words, string theory is going to be the next big thing.
Mary: What does it do?
Sheldon: It explains the fundamental forces of the universe. How everything works, where everything came from.
Mary: I know where it all came from. [points to the heavens]
Sheldon: Mother, we're in the sky. Why are you pointing up?

Pilot: [v.o.] Sorry for the delay. We hope to be wheels up in about 20 minutes.
Sheldon: That's what he said 20 minutes ago.
Mary: Nothing we can do.
Sheldon: If we don't take off soon, we'll miss our connecting flight to Houston.
Mary: It's out of our hands. I'd tell you whose hands it's in, but you don't like that.