Mary: [on the phone] Hi, Pastor Jeff. Can you come over right now? I need you to save someone's soul.
[Cut to Mary opening the front door to Pastor Jeff, who is holding his bible:]
Pastor Jeff: Whose soul needs saving? Is it Sheldon? I've been waiting for this.
Mary: No. We're still praying for him. Come in, we don't have much time.

Georgie: It's for my daughter. Mom baptized her in the kitchen sink, and Mandy's mom did it in a Catholic church.
Sheldon: Sure. Baptists versus Catholics. Much blood was shed over that in the 1500s.

Mary: We have to say something.
George: Or we mind our business.
Mary: It is a sin, George.
George: And like a good Christian, I choose to forgive them.

Mary: Well, Mandy said that you don't go to church that often, so... how Catholic could you be?
Audrey: That's a funny question coming from a woman who left her own church.
Mary: I went back. And... my granddaughter is not gonna be raised Catholic. She's gonna worship Jesus, not the Pope.
Audrey: We don't worship the Pope.
Mary: Well y'all sure bought him a pretty fancy car.

Audrey: You know, I was thinking, for your something old, you could wear my veil.
Mandy: You know, Georgie's 11 years younger than me. I-I think I am the something old.
Audrey: [chuckles] Don't worry. When he loses all his hair, he's gonna look way older than you.
Mandy: Aw. Thanks.

[After Sheldon storms off with his upgraded computer:]
Jim: He gonna be okay?
George: Oh. Tonight, sure. Big picture? [shrugs]
Adult Sheldon: I've got a hot wife and a Nobel Prize. I turned out fine.

Georgie: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: What are you doing here?
Georgie: Mandy and I had a little disagreement. I'm giving her some space to cool off.
Sheldon: That seems wise. You can be quite annoying.
Georgie: I thought you were staying at your dorm.
Sheldon: I was. My roommate violated my Tandy.
Georgie: Who's Tandy? [Sheldon points to his computer] Oh. That's sick.
Sheldon: That's what I said.

Pastor Jeff: What's going on?
Mary: Mandy and Georgie are out, so I was hoping that maybe we could sneak in an early baptism for CeeCee.
Pastor Jeff: You know we don't do infant baptism.
Mary: Yeah, yeah. But I'm afraid that if we don't do it now, CeeCee's gonna end up... Catholic.
Pastor Jeff: They do love to get 'em early.
Mary: Yes. Come on.

Mandy: Hey, would you be upset if we didn't get married by Father Donovan?
Audrey: Did that woman convince you to get married Baptist? She says it's not a cult, but I'm not so sure.

Meemaw: You know, sometimes grandparents just think they can do whatever they want.
Mandy: And they can't.
Meemaw: That's right. Great-grandparents, on the other hand, well, they get a free pass.
Dale: 'Cause they got one foot in the grave.
Meemaw: Take a break.

Mandy: Y'all got anything going on today?
Meemaw: Not much.
Dale: Well, I had a nap on the docket.

Georgie: So we're really not gonna invite our folks?
Mandy: Is that okay?
Georgie: Mm, I guess the only person I need there is you.
Dale: Oh. A spite wedding. I had one of those.
Meemaw: Shut up. Let me get my purse.

Mary: Good morning. [Missy grunts] Since when do you drink coffee?
Missy: Since I didn't get any sleep last night.
Mary: Aw, honey. Bad dreams?
Missy: I wish. I had to hear people doing it all night.
Mary: Oh. You heard that?
Missy: Yes, and it was disgusting.
Mary: I'm sorry. It's just that your father and I were apart all summer...
Missy: Oh, my God. I was talking about Mandy and Georgie.
Mary: Oh. Right.

Missy: Ew! You were doing it, too?
Mary: Well, it's... different. Your father and I are married, so when we're... amorous...
Missy: I don't want to hear about this.
George: [enters] [yawns] What's for breakfast? I am hungry. [chuckles]
Missy: Nope. [gets up and walks away]
George: What's her problem?
Missy: Thin walls.
Mary: [sighs] She heard Mandy and Georgie... You know.
George: Oh [groans] At least she didn't hear us. [Mary sighs]

Mary: You need to talk to your son.
George: About what?
Mary: I'm not sure I'm comfortable with him and Mandy being intimate.
George: They have a baby, Mare. You're a little late to the party.