Sheldon: Is this man gonna make me eat solid foods?
Mary: No, he just wants to talk to you about it.
Sheldon: Did you tell him I have a lot to accomplish in my life and cannot afford to be killed by an unchewed sausage?
Mary: Not in those exact words.

George Sr.: Sheldon, I've been playing and coaching football all my life. I don't think your math is right.
Sheldon: Really? Hang on. [thinks for a second] No, it's right.

Sheldon: Dad, can we afford a computer?
George Sr.: You do my taxes. What do you think?
Sheldon: Never mind.

Sheldon: Do you know anybody with a modem? I think Radio Shack has one.
Tam: Why?
Sheldon: I need to access thrust-to-weight ratios from the FTP server at the Johnson Space Center.
Tam: Then what?
Sheldon: Then I show that guy from NASA my work and laugh as he begs for mercy.

Mary: Maybe we should take him to the doctor.
Sheldon: Listen to your wife, ulcers are serious.

Dr. Eberland: Well, I've never seen this in someone so young, but, uh, your son has an ulcer.
Sheldon: Thank you.

George Sr.: Yeah, I was thinking along the lines of something a little more active. Like last year, we went fishing-
Sheldon: Mom! Dad's trying to make me go fishing!
George Sr.: No, no, it's okay. We're not going fishing.
Sheldon: All right, good. But seriously, was fishing really that bad?
Sheldon: Mom! Dad's trying to convince me that fishing wasn't that bad!

Coach Wilkins: 20 laps. Cooper?
Sheldon: If you're going to ask us to run, don't you think you should lead by example?

Sheldon: Ms. Ingram, can I offer a suggestion?
Ms. Ingram: What?
Sheldon: Never mind. You do it your way.
Ms. Ingram: No, no. You tell me. Tell me how I'm wrong.
Sheldon: You assumed an extra axiom of Euclidean geometry without stating it.

Zero: Shall we give him the final piece of information that unlocks the secret of the universe?
One: Why not? At least one human being should know the reason for everything.
Zero: Sheldon, before the universe began-
George Jr.: Hey, dummy. You're drooling all over your books.
Sheldon: Huh? No. Zero was about to tell me the secret and you ruined it.

Libby: You know they're playing a space shuttle movie at the Museum of Natural Science. It's in IMAX.
Tam: I heard about that. The screen is supposed to be huge.
Libby: They also have a great geology exhibit.
Sheldon: Well, it's in Houston. How are we gonna get there?
Libby: I'll drive.
Tam: Oh, I would love to see a movie with you.
Sheldon: Don't you need to ask your parents first?
Tam: No, Sheldon, I don't.
Sheldon: But won't they worry where you are?
Tam: They'll be fine. Count me in.
Sheldon: Glad you're not my son.

Dr. Goetsch: Welcome back.
Mary: Thank you for seeing us on such short notice, Doctor.
Dr. Goetsch: Oh, not a problem. Sheldon, I remember you. Do you remember me?
Sheldon: I remember everything.

Sheldon: Homo novus needs a Yoo-hoo.

Sheldon: The book says jiu-jitsu is based on using your attacker's momentum against them. It's just physics. Come at me.
Tam: Like, run at you?
Sheldon: Well, I'm new to this, so maybe just walk quickly.

Sheldon: [SCREAMING]
Mary: Shelly, it's just Bactine.
Sheldon: Aah!
Mary: I didn't even put it on you yet.

Sheldon: Ew. Georgie, put your shoes back on!
George Jr.: He can't smell this.
Sheldon: Yes, I can!

Meemaw: Awful quiet back there.
Sheldon: I'm having an emotion I'm unfamiliar with.
Meemaw: Hmm. Think it might have something to do with your new classmate?
Sheldon: It's possible. She's the only variable in the social equation.
Meemaw: So what are you feeling?
Sheldon: My face is hot, I've a knot in my stomach, and I'm resisting the urge to kick your seat right now.
Meemaw: I'm thinking it might be jealousy.
Sheldon: No, that's not in my nature.
Meemaw: All right, let's go through all the emotions. I'm looking at your face, so I'm gonna rule out happy. Are you sad?
Sheldon: No, there's too much anger in there.
Meemaw: Oh, well, maybe you're angry.
Sheldon: No, there's too much sad in there.

Mary: Sweet dreams. Love you.
Sheldon: Love you, too, 'cause you're my mom. [LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]

George Sr.: Sheldon, I'm talking to you.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not talking to you.
George Sr.: Okay, what's going on?
Sheldon: After having my first good night's sleep in a week, I woke up with a fresh perspective.
George Sr.: And that is?
Sheldon: It was irresponsible of you to burden me with that secret.
George Sr.: Sheldon, we've been through this. It's complicated.
Sheldon: While I may not look up to you from an intellectual standpoint, I've always looked up to you as a role model. I can't do that anymore. And don't worry, we made a deal. I'll continue to keep your secret.

George Sr.: Well, a couple of scientists at the college where Dr. Sturgis teaches are doing a research study on twins. They want to meet you guys, ask you some questions.
Sheldon: Oh, boy, a research study. Will they give us written tests?
George Sr.: Yeah, I think so.
Sheldon: Oh, boy.