Mary: I'm home.
Sheldon: Would you care to explain this letter, which I didn't read but legally know the contents of?

George: So, we agree that the only way this is gonna happen right now is if you stay local.
Sheldon: I can always go away for grad school someday. And truth be told, I don't have the emotional maturity to squish my own bugs.

[on the video tape:]
Sheldon: Hello. I'm Sheldon Cooper, and this is Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College. I realize attending college in another state or country is unrealistic at this time. Which is why I'm proposing that I live at home but enroll full-time to continue my studies with Dr. Sturgis at East Texas Tech. I firmly believe that I'm ready for this next step in my academic life. But don't just take it from me...

[on the "Why Sheldon Cooper Should Go to College" tape:]
Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper, ready for college, ready to change the world.
George: Cut.
Sheldon: If that doesn't convince her, I don't know what her problem is.

Kimberly: We're here with the Cooper family. Mary, George and eleven-year-old Sheldon, who's going to be Medford High School's valedictorian. Mom and Dad, you must be so proud.
George: Oh, very proud.
Mary: But we're proud of all of our children.
Sheldon: She has to say that.

Joaquin: The problem is we've lost control. This is Frankenstein's monster.
Sheldon: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Joaquin: What?
Sheldon: To reanimate life was an incredible scientific achievement. The real bad guys in the story are the ignorant villagers.
Joaquin: You were on the monster's side?
Sheldon: Unfairly hounded for being different? You betcha.

Missy: 95, 96, 97. 99, 100.
Sheldon: You missed 11 numbers.
Missy: I don't need to be good at math. I have beautiful hair.
Sheldon: That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Mary: So how's it going?
Sheldon: Well, the principles in the book didn't work for me at all. Although Dad does like being called George over and over again, so you might give that a try.

Sheldon: Mom, what do you know about the drug Prozac?
Mary: Not much. Supposed to make people happier. Why?
Sheldon: I was just thinking some of my teachers might benefit from it.

Mary: Hey, here's an idea. Why don't you invite your new buddy over for dinner?
Sheldon: Why?

Sheldon: My mother asked me to ask you if you'd like to join us for dinner.
Tam: Why?
Sheldon: I was hoping you'd know.

Sheldon: (to George Sr.) Why would you think you knew his mom?

Tam: I don't understand why it didn't launch.
Sheldon: Me, neither. Evil Nazi scientists did it 50 years ago. How hard could it be?

Sheldon: Is this man gonna make me eat solid foods?
Mary: No, he just wants to talk to you about it.
Sheldon: Did you tell him I have a lot to accomplish in my life and cannot afford to be killed by an unchewed sausage?
Mary: Not in those exact words.

George: Sheldon, I've been playing and coaching football all my life. I don't think your math is right.
Sheldon: Really? Hang on. [thinks for a second] No, it's right.