Missy: [sniffles]
Meemaw: What's the matter?
Missy: [voice cracking] Everything.
Meemaw: Did somebody die?
Missy: [shakes head] No.
Meemaw: Then we can fix it. Come on. Come on.

Mary: He just took the ticket and stormed off. I don't know why he cares so much about a dishwasher.
Meemaw: Maybe it ain't about the dishwasher.
Mary: Well, what is it, then?
Meemaw: Mary, I love you, but sometimes it's kind of like you're waging a war on fun.
Mary: Why? Because I have values? Well, too bad because they're not going away.
Meemaw: Oh, and fun is down for the count.

Mary: It's not like I don't want to be fun, but I feel like I am the only one holding the family together.
Meemaw: Mary, can I point out that you weren't exactly like this when y'all got married?
Mary: So? I'm not allowed to grow?
Meemaw: Apart? Okay.

Dale: Hey. What are you doing here?
Meemaw: I came to take you to dinner.
Dale: Really? Uh, I'll grab my keys.
Meemaw: No need. I'll drive tonight. But you might want to grab a jacket.

Meemaw: Oh, for God's sake, take off that stupid Ballard shirt.
George Sr.: Oh, look, Connie's here.
Mary: [sighs] She's upset about Dale.
Meemaw: I ain't upset about jack squat.

George Sr.: Surprised you're here. Figured you'd be out with your little girlfriend.
George Jr.: Well, I'm not.
Meemaw: Uh-oh. Did somebody find out how old you are?
Missy: Ooh, what does that mean?
George Jr.: I don't want to talk about it.
Meemaw: What it means is, your brother over here has been going out with an older woman and lying about his age.
Mary: Georgie!
George Jr.: It don't matter. I told her the truth, and she dumped me.

Meemaw: But hearing you boys go on about it did remind me of Pop Pop.
Sheldon: What did he used to say?
Meemaw: [chuckles] I wish I could remember. But he did get all excited about it, like you.
Sheldon: Well, at least I have Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter to share my enthusiasm.

Mandy: Ah, damn it.
Meemaw: I'm not here to fight with you, or pass judgment on you, I just want to talk about... where we're going with all this.
Mandy: There's nothing to talk about. All this is my business.
Meemaw: That's true. I just thought it might be nice if you got to meet Georgie's family.
Mandy: I haven't even told my own parents yet.
Meemaw: Just so you know, I went through this very thing with my own daughter, Georgie's mom. So, we get it.
Mandy: Really?
Meemaw: We just want to be helpful.
Mandy: Well, I'm not very happy with Georgie right now.
Meemaw: Nobody is. We get it.

Mary: So, Mandy, my mother mentioned that your folks don't know about the baby.
Mandy: No, not yet.
Mary: Well, I'm sure they'll be excited when you tell them you're bringing new life into the world.
Mandy: [to Meemaw] Is that how you felt when she got pregnant?
Meemaw: About the baby? [scoffs] Yeah. The guy who did it? [blows raspberry]
George Sr.: Mutual.
Mary: They kid around like that.
George Sr.: Yeah, all good fun.
[George gives Meemaw an evil look]

Meemaw: Sorry about all the yelling.
Mandy: Are they always like that?
Meemaw: Not in front of company. So, it's kind of like you're already family.
Mandy: Lucky me.
Meemaw: Mm. Speaking of which, when are you gonna tell your folks?
Mandy: I was thinking about waiting until my mom tells me to lay off the pie.
Meemaw: Well, just remember, if you ever need anything, call me. I've already been through this with my daughter, so I know how to do it wrong.
Mandy: [laughs softly] Thanks. [hugs Meemaw and then walks away]
George Jr.: [through the window] You get a hug and I get nothing?!

Meemaw: Good night, Wade.
Wade: It ain't good. I lost all my money.
Meemaw: Well, good for me.
Wade: Yeah, yeah.

Mandy: Okay... marital status. Single.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Mind your own business.
Mandy: Name of father. I can't write "Georgie," it sounds like he's 11.
Meemaw: George Marshall Cooper.
Mandy: Marshall? I didn't know that.
Meemaw: Isn't it nice he can still surprise you? [chuckles]

George Jr.: I knew it.
Meemaw: What are you doing here?
George Jr.: What are you doing here?
Mandy: I asked her to be here.
George Jr.: So, her and not me?
Mandy: Yeah.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Don't make me come over there.

Meemaw: How did you follow me?
George Jr.: Wasn't hard. You can see that yellow Toyota from outer space.
Meemaw: It is a Mazda.
George Jr.: This is my baby, too. I think I should be a part of this.
Meemaw: You did your part, now git.

George Jr.: Wade's coming with me to Mexico.
Meemaw: Why?
George Jr.: It's a long drive. And he knows a little Spanish.
Wade: Sí.
Meemaw: Okay.
Meemaw: [Spanish: "Where will you buy cigarettes?"]
Wade: ¿Sí?
Meemaw: [whispers] You're gonna get yourself killed.
George Jr.: I got no choice. I got a kid coming.
Meemaw: If you're hell-bent on going to Mexico, I'm going with you.
Wade: Shotgun.
Meemaw: You are not coming, Wade. ¿Comprende?
Wade: Sí.

Judge Landry: [enters] Son of a bitch. New shirt.
Meemaw: You give me some seltzer, I can get that right out.
Judge Landry: Shh.
Meemaw: Sorry.

Judge Landry: Leon, get these clowns out of here.
George Jr.: Your Honor, please, I really need those cigarettes back. My girlfriend's gonna have my baby and I was gonna sell 'em to help pay for the medical expenses.
Judge Landry: That's a touching story. Leon!
Leon: [enters] Sorry. Too much Mountain Dew.
Judge Landry: Take 'em back to holding.
Meemaw: [sighs] How 'bout $1,000, and you can keep my grandson?

Meemaw: Just to be clear, I'm gonna pay you back every cent.
Dale: Ah. Don't worry about it.
Meemaw: I am worrying about it.
Dale: Well, think of the money as a gift. That I'm gonna be holding over your head.
Meemaw: Well, that doesn't work for me.

Mary: Oh. Mom. Really? Passion's Harvest?
Meemaw: The main character's name is Passion. She's inherited her daddy's farm, and there's a stud in the stable.
Mary: Oh, that's terrible.
Meemaw: Read it, then tell me how terrible it is.
Mary: I'm not reading this trash.
Meemaw: So you're literally judging a book by its cover?
Mary: All right. Fine. I'll give it a look. How come you've dog-eared all these pages?
Meemaw: You'll see.

Meemaw: Oh, it's killing you, isn't it?
Mary: What? No. I... I am happy that she has an adult she can confide in about... Come on. Just tell me.
Meemaw: I would. But the bond between a girl and her grandmother is... sacred.
Mary: I am her mother and I am your daughter. Give me something.
Meemaw: [sighs] It's just boy stuff, okay?
Mary: [exhales] That she'd rather talk to you about.
Meemaw: That's right. [Mary sighs and starts eating the cake] There you go. Eat those feelings.