Mary: It's not like I don't want to be fun, but I feel like I am the only one holding the family together.
Meemaw: Mary, can I point out that you weren't exactly like this when y'all got married?
Mary: So? I'm not allowed to grow?
Meemaw: Apart? Okay.

Sheldon: Do people know about this?
Meemaw: Sheldon, what's on a person's face is not always what's in their heart.
Sheldon: Well, this changes everything. How do you know who to trust?
Meemaw: You don't. That's what makes life interesting.

George Jr.: Hey, now that you're treating him like an adult, can I have his allowance?
George Sr.: That allowance is for chores, which you already don't do.
George Jr.: Come on. We all know I'm your favorite.
Meemaw: You're not even his third favorite.

George Sr.: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George Sr.: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Adult Sheldon: Scientific rivalries are a fact of life. When two competing scientists work on a project, it can devolve into an intellectual boxing match. Over the years, there's been a few classic heavyweight bouts. Newton and Leibniz. [bell ringing] Tesla and Edison. And in a lesser-known but equally brutal bout...
[fantasy:]
Announcer: Linkletter versus Sturgis, The Tussle with No Muscle. Let's see how they stack up in a tale of the tape. In the wire frame glasses, the Eureka from Topeka, Grant Linkletter. IQ: 159. Papers published: 272. Bedtime: 8:30. And his opponent, in his favorite sensible shoes, The Brain from Maine, John Burgess Sturgis! IQ: 162. Papers published: 221. Bedtime: 7:45 on weekdays, 9:00 on Saturday night. Fasten your thinking caps and let's get it on.

Dr. Linkletter: I cannot work with that creepy little know-it-all one more day.
President Hagemeyer: I-I'm sorry, but are we talking about Sheldon or Sturgis?
Dr. Linkletter: Sturgis. Well, both, but mostly Sturgis.
[cut to:]
Dr. John Sturgis: He's not interested in anyone else's input.
President Hagemeyer: I-I'm sorry, Sheldon or Linkletter?
Dr. John Sturgis: Linkletter.
President Hagemeyer: Ah, got it. Continue.

Dr. John Sturgis: I was brought in to help but Dr. Linkletter doesn't value my input.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I hear you. That must be tough.
[cut to:]
Dr. Linkletter: Ever since he was brought back, he contradicts everything I say.
President Hagemeyer: I hear you. That must be tough.
[cut to:]
Sheldon: There was a time when their arguing brought out the best in them, but now it's just hindering our work.
President Hagemeyer: I hear you. That must be tough.