Meemaw: Fire it in there, baby.
Missy: I'm scared.
Meemaw: Meemaw has just made a scene. Now is not the time to be scared!
Dale: Are we gonna do this today?
Meemaw: Keep your pants on! [to Missy] Throw the damn ball. I'm just a girl, but I think that's called a strike.
Dale: Not bad.

Meemaw: We're back.
George Sr.: How'd it go?
Meemaw: She made the team!
Mary: Congratulations!
Missy: And Meemaw got a date with the coach.
Mary: What?
Meemaw: It was a productive afternoon.

Meemaw: Can I top off your coffee?
George Sr.: Well, that's awfully nice of you.
Meemaw: You know me. I'm a pleaser.
George Sr.: You just want to know what I talked about with Dale.
Meemaw: Not really.
George Sr.: I promise you got nothing to worry about. I didn't say a thing.
Meemaw: Thank you. So what'd you find out about him?
George Sr.: Oh, I see how this works.
Meemaw: You're damn straight that's how it works. Now spill.

George Sr.: Well, let's see. Uh, he likes to drink, likes to hunt. Uh, he's got a son who's divorced.
Meemaw: I know all this. Go on.
George Sr.: That's all I got.
Meemaw: You are useless.
George Sr.: When he comes to his senses and dumps you, I'm gonna stay friends with him.
Meemaw: Good. If he dumps me, he deserves to suffer.

Meemaw: Hey. Dale give you a good price on those weights?
George Jr.: Better. He gave me a job.
Meemaw: Damn. He did have fun last night.

Mary: Bit of a kerfuffle at the church today. Pastor Jeff promised Patricia Richards she could sing "How Great Thou Art" on Sunday, but I had already printed in the bulletin that Karen Baker was gonna sing it. They agreed to a duet, but it was touch and go.
Meemaw: Mm.
Missy: What's a kerfuffle?
Meemaw: Not that.

George Jr.: Later.
Mary: Georgie Cooper. Do not walk out of that door. Georgie!
Meemaw: That's a kerfuffle.

Dr. John Sturgis: It was nice seeing you, Connie. Uh, we should get coffee sometime and catch up.
Meemaw: Maybe, sure, yeah. We'll see.
Dr. John Sturgis: What about, uh, tomorrow morning?
Meemaw: Oh, that's not great for me.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, what about Sunday?
Meemaw: Mm, I can't do that either. Maybe another time.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I see.

Dale: What's going on? You okay?
Meemaw: Actually, no. I don't like the way you've been talkin' about John.
Dale: I was kidding around.
Meemaw: Well, it bothered me.
Dale: Wait a minute, hold it, hold, hold, hold. Your weirdo ex comes sneaking around, checking me out, and all of a sudden, I'm the bad guy here?
Meemaw: You don't get to call him a weirdo.
Dale: You don't think he's a weirdo?
Meemaw: Of course he's a weirdo. You just can't say it.

Pastor Jeff: The Bible says a lot about love. "Love thy neighbor." "For God so loved the world." In First Corinthians, it says, "Love is patient, love is kind." But what does it mean to truly love someone? You see, Jesus showed us...
Mary: [quietly]You see that?
Meemaw: [quietly] No. But keep talking.
Mary: Why?
Meemaw: 'Cause I'm trying to unwrap a candy, and I don't want anybody to hear.
Missy: [quietly] How come she gets candy? I want candy.
Sheldon: [quietly] How come you're not shushing them?
Mary: Shh! Shh.

Meemaw: I'll take the chicken problems. Girl in bedroom? [singsong] All yours.

Meemaw: George. Why are you not in that bedroom?
George Sr.: Well, I'm just thinking of what to say.
Meemaw: They're teenagers. If you wait any longer, they'll be done.
George Sr.: I'm just gonna grab a beer.
Meemaw: George!

George Sr.: Do I have to?
Meemaw: You want to add grandkids to this mess?
George Sr.: God, no.

George Sr.: No more coffee?
Meemaw: Last cup.
George Sr.: Well, you mind making more?
Meemaw: I just sat down.
George Sr.: But you finished the pot.
Meemaw: George, if I wanted to make a cup of coffee, I'd have stayed at my house. Mmm.
George Sr.: One day I'm gonna put you in a home, and I'm gonna smile just like that.
Meemaw: That's fine. By then I won't know who you are anyway.

Mary: Guess who is getting a divorce.
Meemaw: About time. Congrats.

Missy: Why can't I go fishing?
Mary: It's a boys' weekend.
Missy: Then why isn't Sheldon going?
Meemaw: Do you hear yourself?
Sheldon: Do you?

Meemaw: I know it's been a while, but I really have to talk to you. I understand you might not want to hear about my dating life, but if you hadn't died, I wouldn't be in this situation. So this is on you.

Meemaw: So, Dale is fun. Kind of a good old boy. Reminds me a bit of you. He gets on my nerves. So he kind of reminds me of you. And John's not anything like you. He's not anything like anyone. Maybe that's why I keep thinking about him.

Meemaw: So enough about me. How about you? You got your wings yet, or is that just in the movies?
Kenneth: It's a Wonderful Life. That's one of my favorites.
Meemaw: Ah, sorry. I didn't see you. I'll keep it down.
Kenneth: No, it's all right. I, uh talk to my wife all the time. I'm Kenneth. This is Vanessa.
Meemaw: Connie. This is Charlie. I'd introduce them, but they're neighbors. They probably know each other.
Kenneth: Well, if he complains about someone snoring, I'm sure it's her.
Meemaw: I didn't bury him with his hearing aid, so he's fine.

Mary: Want to go to Dairy Queen?
Missy: I don't deserve Dairy Queen.
Meemaw: It's not your fault, honey. That other pitcher was almost a grown man. I think I saw him at the bar last night.