June: Practice running late?
Meemaw: Yeah. The Sparks kid got himself stuck in the bathroom.
June: How'd that happen?
Meemaw: Well, the door's a push and he was a-pulling. Look at him out there.
June: Billy's my grandson.
Meemaw: Oh. I am so sorry. I- I mean, not that he's your grandson. I'm just I'm-a stop talking now.
June: I'm messing with you. [chuckles]
Meemaw: Well... You got me, all right.

June: Ah, no. That one's mine over there. Evan.
Meemaw: Oh, I-isn't that the coach's grandson?
June: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: So you must be Coach Ballard's ex-wife?
June: Yeah. Why?
Meemaw: No reason.

June: This would be a lot more fun with margaritas.
Meemaw: What isn't?
June: Then you'd love the way I ran the PTA.
Meemaw: And you'd love the way I show up at church. [both laugh]
June: You're fun. We ought to go out for drinks one night. I'll give you my number.
Meemaw: Oh, yeah. Oh, well... All right.
June: I'm around tomorrow if you're free.
Meemaw: Uh, sure. You should know something, though. Um, I'm kind of dating your ex-husband.
June: You waited till now to tell me? You're sneaky. I like that.
Meemaw: That is not the feedback I usually get.
June: Well, since we're being honest, I knew who you were the whole time. That's why I came over here.
Meemaw: Damn. Nicely played.
June: So we're still on for drinks?
Meemaw: Oh, hell yeah.
June: Yeehaw.

Dale: So you didn't do anything you regret when you were married?
Meemaw: Oh, lots of stuff. Feel free to grab a shovel and go have some drinks with my dead husband.
Dale: Oh, that's dark.
Meemaw: Not as dark as my secrets.
Dale: Oh, you... You are so hot.

June: What do you want to know?
Meemaw: Well, I know not to piss him off during a hailstorm.
June: He told you that?
Meemaw: He wanted to throw himself under the bus rather than let you push him.
June: Well, did he tell you that I was naked when he locked me out?
Meemaw: No! Why did he do that?
June: 'Cause I was trying to hit him with a golf club.
Meemaw: What were you doing naked with a golf club in a hailstorm?
June: Uh, you know, it was the '70s.
Meemaw: I remember.

June: You're a doctor?
Meemaw: He has his PhD in physics, but his specialty is quantum chromodynamics.
June: Wow, that sounds interesting.
Meemaw: Oh, it is. And I would tell you more about it, but I'm lucky I remembered the quantum chromodynamics.
June: And you didn't even have to rub his head.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, it's here if the mood strikes.

Mary: Georgie is my son I have the right to know who he's spending time with.
Meemaw: You talking about Jana?
Mary: You know her?
Meemaw: Well, I don't really know her. I've seen them hanging out together at Dale's store a couple of times. She's cute.
Mary: Great. So you know even more than I do.
Meemaw: Always have.

Meemaw: I tell you what, after practice today, you and me will do somethin' fun.
Missy: Can I have my first cigarette?
Meemaw: No!
Missy: Can I get my ears pierced?
Meemaw: Your mom won't like that. So, maybe.

Sheldon: It's too dark back here. Do you have a flashlight?
Meemaw: In the glove box, I think.
Sheldon: Can you pass it back?
Meemaw: No. I'm driving.
Sheldon: All right. I'm coming up. [seat belt clicks] Don't crash while I'm unbuckled.
Meemaw: Really? You need to do this right now?
Sheldon: It's Dr. Sturgis's first paper in years. It's worth risking head trauma. [grunts]
Meemaw: Look at you climbing like a real boy.
Sheldon: Here we go. "A Reconsideration of the Role of Time Operators in Quantum Mechanics." Grabby title.
Meemaw: Mm. I'll wait for the movie.

Sheldon: Why aren't you being more supportive of me?
Meemaw: Sheldon, John is a lot of things, but he's not a thief.
Sheldon: So you're on his side.
Meemaw: I'm not.
Sheldon: So you're on my side.
Meemaw: For the sake of this car ride, sure.

Meemaw: I knew all that God talk was covering something really evil.
Mary: I am trying to make a special trophy for Missy. So I'm gonna take this head and put it on that body.
Meemaw: Whatever you say, Dr. Frankenstein.
Mary: My daughter deserves to have a trophy that looks something like her.
Meemaw: So this is kind of a feminist gesture on your part.
Mary: I prefer to think of it as a maternal gesture.
Meemaw: Let's just split the difference and call it the stuff of nightmares.
Mary: It'll look better when I paint it.
Meemaw: I don't think so.

George Jr.: Who buys this crap?
Meemaw: Me, after three beers. I mean, look at this damn thing. What was I thinking? [chuckles]

George Jr.: It's just, I've been seeing Jana for a while now, and I like her fine... but it feels like she's getting more serious than I want to be.
Meemaw: Georgie, until you're married, you are not tied down to anybody. You just go ahead and do whatever you want. Play the field. Have some fun.
George Jr.: Interesting. That's what Dale said, too.
Meemaw: Oh, did he?
George Jr.: Yeah.
Meemaw: My boyfriend?
George Jr.: [chuckles] Yeah.

Meemaw: They ever leave the store together?
George Jr.: Can I please just go to bed?
Meemaw: Just answer the damn question.
George Jr.: I feel like I'm gonna get fired for this.
Meemaw: Georgie, don't worry. Anything you say is gonna stay right here.
George Jr.: But you lie all the time. I learned to lie from you.
Meemaw: See what a special bond we have? Now answer the damn question!

Dale: You okay with Mexican?
Meemaw: Oh, yeah. Terrific.
Dale: All right. Now, I got Tums in the glovebox for the ride home.
Meemaw: Great.

Meemaw: So, what are you into? Craps, roulette?
Dale: Well, not much of a gambler.
Meemaw: You just left Georgie in charge of your store, so... disagree.
Dale: Mm, he's a lot smarter than you think.
Meemaw: Maybe you're not as smart as I think.
Dale: Well, if you like me just for my body, I'm okay with that.

Meemaw: 26 for the twins' birthday, three for Georgie and Mary wouldn't like it if I used her birthday for gambling, so 13 for her.
Dale: All right. For my grandson's birthday, I'm gonna go black, 'cause I don't remember.

Dale: You want to go to the bar?
Meemaw: No, we've hit. We gotta ride this out.
Croupier: Double zero.
Meemaw: Ride's over.
Dale: To the bar!

Dale: Well, this is my favorite table here.
Meemaw: Well, sure, every time you put down money, you win.
Dale: Oh, this is nice. You know, I really don't get away from the store enough.
Meemaw: How come you're still workin' at your age?
Dale: What do you mean "my age"?
Meemaw: I mean you're old. [laughs]
Dale: I'm not old.
Meemaw: Well, I'm old and you're older than me.
Dale: Yeah, that's true. But we make it look good though.
Meemaw: You don't want to be that guy that just works till he drops dead. I mean, maybe you should retire. Have a little fun.
Dale: Well, I'm here with you.
Meemaw: That's a good start, 'cause I'm fun.
Dale: Oh, man, you sure as hell are.

Dale: Hey, you know what'd be fun? New Orleans is just an hour away from here.
Meemaw: Oh, I like where this is headed.
Dale: And they got themselves a 24-hour wedding chapel.
Meemaw: What? [laughs] No!
Dale: What do you mean "no"? We're good together and we're both old. That's what you said.
Meemaw: We-we haven't even said "I love you" yet!
Dale: All right, fine. I love you. You... you're not gonna say anything back?
Meemaw: Not under these circumstances!
Dale: [mutters] Ah, goddang it. [walks off]
Meemaw: Dale?!