Meemaw Quotes
Quote from the episode A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster
Mary: Oh, Mom, Pastor Jeff is gonna be spending the night. If the kids could sleep at your place?
Meemaw: No. Bye.
Quote from the episode A Broken Heart and a Crock Monster
Meemaw: Her daughter got kicked by a horse. They had to pin a couple of bones together.
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, my.
Meemaw: She won't be stealing any more horses for a little while.
Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast
Mary: And you thought this was okay to go on in my house?
Meemaw: It was that or my house, so here we are.
Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast
Meemaw: Hello?
Dr. Linkletter: Hi, Connie, this is Dr. Linkletter. I work in the physics department with Dr. Sturgis.
Meemaw: Oh, sure, I remember you. What can I do for you?
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I'm just calling to let you know that John is fine, but there's been a bit of an incident at the school today.
Meemaw: What happened?
Dr. Linkletter: He broke into the mainframe computer lab, tripped off an alarm. Security came, and there was a chase.
Meemaw: A chase?
Dr. Linkletter: It was a short one. He's not a fast man.
Meemaw: Uh, well, where is he now?
Dr. Linkletter: He's in the dean's office. He has you listed as the emergency contact, so I just wanted to let you know.
Meemaw: Well, uh thank you so much for calling.
Dr. Linkletter: My pleasure. If there's anything I can do, feel free to reach out. Or if you'd like to go grab a coffee sometime, I know a cute little cafe. Do you like scones?
Meemaw: You're not actually trying to hit on me right now, are you?
Dr. Linkletter: Is it working?
Meemaw: No. I should go.
Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast
Meemaw: Come here. I want to show you something. [leading Mary into the bathroom] Look at this. John did it. [pulling back the shower curtain to reveal an equation scribbled on the wall]
Mary: Oh, dear.
Meemaw: "Oh, dear" is right.
Mary: Was he in here taking a bath and just started thinking about science stuff?
Meemaw: Read the top right part.
Mary: "Time plus heat plus bread equals toast."
Meemaw: [whispering] That ain't science.
Mary: Well, it's not wrong, either.
Meemaw: Look at this.
Mary: Yeah, well, that's peculiar.
Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast
Dr. Linkletter: Hello?
Meemaw: Hello, Dr. Linkletter. This is Connie Tucker.
Dr. Linkletter: Connie, how lovely to hear from you.
Meemaw: Stop. I'm worried about John. He was supposed to be here for dinner and he never showed up.
Dr. Linkletter: That's not good. He also missed two of his classes today.
Meemaw: Do you have any idea where he might be?
Dr. Linkletter: Hard to say. If he's having another episode, he could be anywhere.
Meemaw: Hold on, what do you mean "episode"?
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, I thought you knew. In the past, John has struggled with his grip on reality.
Meemaw: What kind of struggle are we talking about?
Dr. Linkletter: The kind where he's had to be hospitalized.
Meemaw: Well, he never said anything about that to me.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I certainly wouldn't fabricate such a story.
Meemaw: Okay, look, I-if-if you hear from him or see him, please let me know. Of course.
Dr. Linkletter: Now, if down the road things don't work out with you two, I'd love to-
Meemaw: Good-bye.
Quote from the episode Quirky Eggheads and Texas Snow Globes
Meemaw: Sorry I gave you the boot before.
George Jr.: Does that mean you'll buy one now?
Meemaw: No.
Quote from the episode A Broom Closet and Satan's Monopoly Board
Mary: I can't believe you didn't make him go to class.
George Sr.: You told me to handle it; I handled it.
Meemaw: That one's on you.
Quote from the episode An Entrepreneurialist and a Swat on the Bottom
Meemaw: You're asking me out in front of my grandson so I can't say no.
Dr. Linkletter: You saw through that.
Meemaw: You think you're pretty smart.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I do have two PhDs and a date with you on Thursday.
Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip
Sheldon: Are you positive other people's fingers haven't been in this?
Meemaw: I made sure to get you a new one.
Sheldon: It doesn't look new.
Meemaw: It's new. Let her rip.
Sheldon: I'm still thinking about science.
Meemaw: That's okay. Just aim for the front pin.
Quote from the episode Hobbitses, Physicses and a Ball with Zip
George Jr.: What are they doing out there?
Mary: They're bonding. It's great. Sheldon, how's your book?
Meemaw: Nice pivot.
Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship
Meemaw: So, good news. John's coming home on Friday.
Mary: That's wonderful.
Meemaw: It is.
Mary: You must be thrilled.
Meemaw: Oh, I am.
Mary: Mm. Little nervous?
Meemaw: No. No. No.
Mary: Be understandable if you were. The man has been in a mental institution.
Meemaw: All I know is he sounded like himself on the phone, and the doctors say he's good to go.
Mary: Well, that's great.
Meemaw: It is. I'm excited.
Mary: Well, good.
Meemaw: [flatly] Very excited.
Mary: Okay.
Meemaw: I'm gonna get another beer.
Mary: 'Cause you're so excited?
Meemaw: You know it!
Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship
Dr. John Sturgis: Now that we're talking about this, um, we've never really discussed the status of our relationship.
Meemaw: Don't you worry. As far as I'm concerned, we just pick up right where we left off.
Dr. John Sturgis: That means a lot. But, um I think it's for the best if we don't.
Meemaw: What?
Dr. John Sturgis: I hope we can still be friends. But, um, I don't think we should be in a romantic relationship anymore.
Meemaw: Are you crazy? I mean, poor choice of words, but are you crazy?!
Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship
Ira Rosenbloom: [answering phone] Rosenbloom's Fine Furniture. Ira speaking.
Meemaw: Hello, Ira. It's Connie Tucker.
Ira Rosenbloom: Connie. Oh, my gosh. How are you?
Meemaw: He wants to know how I am.
Dr. John Sturgis: Tell him.
Meemaw: I'll call you back.
Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship
Meemaw: Can you believe it?
Mary: It sounds like he has your best interests at heart.
Meemaw: Men don't break up with me. I do the breaking up.
George Sr.: Well, I think it's nice that you can still experience new things at your age.
Meemaw: Keep it up, and you won't get to my age.
Quote from the episode A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm
Mary: You're coming with us, right?
Meemaw: No, I'm not.
Mary: Come on, it'll be fun.
George Sr.: The old lady wants to be cranky and alone. You got to respect that.
Meemaw: I'm not cranky. And I'm sick of everybody thinking that they know what's best for me.
Quote from the episode A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm
Meemaw: [answering phone] Yeah.
Mary: Hey. We're getting ready to head over to the carnival.
Meemaw: Good for you.
Mary: Why don't you come with us?
Meemaw: Because I'm quite content right where I am.
Mary: Don't you think it'll be nice to get out of the house?
Meemaw: I can't believe I didn't think of that. What a great idea. Thank you.
Mary: So you're coming?
Meemaw: No. [hangs up]
Mary: Still cranky.
Quote from the episode A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm
Meemaw: But listen, if you've just come over here to badger me, please don't.
Mary: Fine. I brought you fried chicken from the carnival.
Meemaw: I don't need your pity chicken.
Mary: Look, I know you're having a tough time.
Meemaw: I'm fine.
Mary: Okay. Does that mean you'll still take Sheldon to Dr. Sturgis's class?
Meemaw: No. But I'm fine.
Mary: So you won't mind if I take him?
Meemaw: Do whatever you want.
Mary: See, when you say it like that, it sounds like you might mind.
Meemaw: How about this? Darling daughter, please, do whatever it is that makes you happy.
Mary: If you're gonna act like this, then I'm gonna leave.
Meemaw: Oh, no. And after I didn't open the door for you? Hey, wait. Get me a beer.
Mary: No.
Meemaw: Well, at least get me some chicken!
Quote from the episode A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm
Meemaw: Relationships are a waste of time. Flying solo is the only way to go.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: Do you think Tarzan was happy with Jane? No way. He was happy swinging through the trees.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: The Statue of Liberty she's got her book and her torch, and she's good.
George Jr.: Uh-huh.
Quote from the episode A Parasol and a Hell of an Arm
Meemaw: Can I talk to you?
Dale: Yeah.
Meemaw: You tell my granddaughter she can't play baseball?
Dale: Oh, well, I was just looking out for her, that's all.
Meemaw: Is that so?
Dale: Yes, ma'am, it is.
Meemaw: Well, we don't need you deciding what's best for her.
Dale: Uh-huh. What do you need?
Meemaw: I need you to give her the same chance you would a boy!
Dale: Or what?
Meemaw: Or you and me gonna have problems.
Dale: Well, we wouldn't want that, would we?
Meemaw: No, we wouldn't.
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