Meemaw: Listen here. She's your sister. She's always gonna be your sister, so you have to find a way to forgive her.
Sheldon: But she did this just to hurt me.
Meemaw: I know. But she's hurting, too.
Sheldon: What does that have to do with me?
Meemaw: You're the big brother.
Sheldon: I'm only two minutes older.
Meemaw: Which makes you the big brother, which means that it is your job to look out for her.
Sheldon: That doesn't make sense. Why should random birth order determine moral responsibility?
Meemaw: I don't make the rules, Moon Pie.
Sheldon: Doesn't seem like you make cookies either. What's taking so long?

Meemaw: Less monkey, more Clint. There we go.

George: What's up?
Meemaw: My smoke detector's beeping again. Have you got one of those little batteries?
George: I think so. Come on in.
Meemaw: Thank you. See, I'm three beeps away from breaking out my shotgun.
George: [chuckles] I don't even put batteries in ours anymore. Do not tell Sheldon.

Meemaw: The kid's a natural salesman. I mean, school's not gonna help with that.
Mary: So, you are fine with your grandson throwing his life away so that he can sell fishing rods and baseball bats?
Dale: Excuse me, those fishing rods provided a nice life for me and my family.
Mary: What family? You're divorced, and your kids don't talk to you.
Dale: [to Meemaw] Help me out here.
Meemaw: A diploma would not have made his life better.
Dale: Thank you. What she said.

George: Sorry I got riled up.
Dale: Don't worry about it.
Meemaw: Mary's over here all the time yellin' about something... it was a pleasant change of pace.

Dale: So, there's a secret back room at the Laundromat where you gamble?
Meemaw: Yeah.
Dale: And you never told me?
Meemaw: Well, this is how secrets work.
Dale: Uh-huh. What else aren't you telling me?
Meemaw: Let me explain secrets.

Meemaw: Chet's gonna swing by and finalize the deal.
Dale: Wait, he's coming over here?
Meemaw: Yeah. Why?
Dale: Well, this is a very shady transaction. I mean, it should be taking place under a bridge or in a parking lot somewhere.
Meemaw: I'm handing him a cashier's check. He's giving me the keys.
Dale: He's gonna know where you live.
Meemaw: I'm in the phone book. I'm not hard to find.
Dale: Well, what if he grabs the check and just skedaddles out of here?
Meemaw: He's our age. He isn't skedaddling anywhere.

Joann: Look how many rhinestones fell off in the dryer.
Meemaw: It says right here "do not tumble dry."
Joann: No label's gonna tell me what to do.
Meemaw: I am not in the mood for Texas right now. What do you want from me?
Joann: Well, what size is yours?
Meemaw: No!

Meemaw: This is not what I signed up for. I need to get some help in here.
Dale: Well, so, do it.
Meemaw: Great. I'm taking Georgie.
Dale: Georgie? No, he's my best employee.
Meemaw: He's my grandson.
Dale: Well, so what? Sheldon's the smart one. Take him.
Meemaw: Do you want to go out with somebody who's happy and fun or some cranky, old woman who smells like mop?
Dale: All right. All right. Take Georgie.
Meemaw: Thank you. I'm gonna go get myself fixed up.
Dale: I think you look beautiful just the way you are.
Meemaw: Go to hell.

Meemaw: You fancy yourself a bit of an entrepreneur, don't you?
Georgie: I like to think so.
Meemaw: And now that you're not in school anymore, I bet you're wanting to take your career to the next level.
Georgie: [scoffs] What kind of entrepreneur would I be if I didn't?
Meemaw: Well, this is your lucky day, because I have quite the opportunity. How would you like to manage a business all on your own?
Georgie: That'd be amazing.
Meemaw: Be your own boss. Call the shots.
Georgie: Hell, yeah. What is it?
Meemaw: Managing a laundromat.
Georgie: No way.

Meemaw: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
Georgie: Why?
Meemaw: Because I don't run a carnival. Grown-up people don't-don't gamble to win a teddy bear.
Georgie: You're not getting it.
Meemaw: I'm getting that it's dumb.
Georgie: I'm trying to help you.
Meemaw: If you really wanted to help me, you would stick your head in there and start scraping.

Georgie: How about this: no hourly wage, just a cut.
Meemaw: What kind of cut you thinking?
Georgie: Five percent.
Meemaw: Three percent.
Georgie: Five.
Meemaw: Three.
Georgie: You're supposed to go in the middle and say four.
Meemaw: Why don't you say four?
Georgie: Fine, four.
Meemaw: Two.
Georgie: Come on.

Meemaw: Oh! Don't take all my money! I'm just a Texas grandma trying to make people happy. [laughs]

Meemaw: How we doing?
Georgie: There's a problem with the cash box.
Meemaw: Oh, what's that?
Georgie: I can't get it to close.
Meemaw: That is my kind of problem.

Mary: Are you running a gambling room in the back of the Laundromat?
Meemaw: What? No.
Mary: Peg says she was there last night.
Meemaw: Oh, "gambling room." Yeah.