Meemaw: You know, Moon Pie, in the '60s, when the hippies wanted to change things, they would just protest.
Missy: You were a hippie?
Meemaw: Oh, no. But I wrote a letter complaining about the hippies, and the police chased 'em right out of that park. So my point is maybe you could write a letter.

Dr. John Sturgis: I'm recreating our first date! The same restaurant, the same table, the same jacket. Different eyelashes, though, because they regenerate every two to three months.
Meemaw: Mine are the same, actually. They're fake.

Meemaw: There must be a book on Morse code in here somewhere.
Mary: Okay, where do we look?
George: I don't know.
Missy: I know how to use the card catalog.
Mary: Go, go!
Meemaw: [to George] You're just useless, aren't you?

Sheldon: There's a character named Gollum who was corrupted by the Ring of Power. Now he runs around naked and bites the heads off fish.
Meemaw: That's called sushi. Which, by the way, I will die before I eat.

Mary: Have you been on the couch all day?
Meemaw: No. For your information, I got up, put my slippers on, crossed the street, broke into your house and stole your beer.

Meemaw: You praying?
Mary: I'm asking the Lord to watch over my little girl.
Meemaw: Well, while you're at it, ask Him for a win. I got money on this.
Mary: You bet on a kids' baseball game?
Meemaw: I got three to one odds.

Dale: Okay. This is where I spend all my time, yet somehow my ex-wife owns half of it.
Meemaw: Mm, not bitter at all. Good for you.
Dale: We got baseball over here and got football right there and then hunting and fishing in the back. Oh, yeah. And this hockey puck has been here since Jimmy Carter was president.
Meemaw: You'd think a sport with a bunch of white boys beating each other up would be more popular in Texas.

Georgie: Later.
Mary: Georgie Cooper. Do not walk out of that door. Georgie!
Meemaw: That's a kerfuffle.

Sheldon: Can you explain why you didn't settle on a specific date for coffee with Dr. Sturgis?
Meemaw: Maybe another time.
Sheldon: Okay.

Meemaw: Come on, and bring that bucket of chicken out of there.
Missy: [o.s.] No, we're not eating it. What if it was Matilda's friend?
Meemaw: Honey, that one's from Kentucky. They didn't know each other.

Meemaw: This is not exactly the date night I'd envisioned when I was shaving my legs.
Dale: I'm almost done.
Meemaw: We're elderly, you know? If anything, dinner should be early.
Dale: Well, I'll tell you what, when I'm finished, I am gonna whisk you off to the finest... And the only... Chinese food place in town.
Meemaw: Ying's? Their nachos are weird.

Dale: You go to this casino often?
Meemaw: Kind of. So don't be surprised if everybody knows my name, how I take my whiskey and the color of my lucky bra.
Dale: Purple.
Meemaw: No, that's my "get lucky" bra.

Meemaw: Your ex-wife is a bitch.
Dale: I am so filled with love for you right now.

June: Well, now that we're being honest, can I ask you a question?
Meemaw: Sure.
June: Do you regret saying no to Dale?
Meemaw: No.
June: There was a little pause there.
Meemaw: There was not!
June: Okay, I believe you.
Meemaw: Thank you.
June: You see how I paused? That means I was lying.

Meemaw: So what am I making this thing out of?
Dr. Linkletter: We were using wire, but that might be difficult to crochet with.
Meemaw: Oh, please, I could crochet barbed wire with a chopstick if I had to.