Adult Sheldon: That night, my meemaw was so inspired to be part of our science experiment, she began working on it as soon as she got home. She was in the zone. She was focused. She was determined. She was also 68 and had eaten a lot of pizza.
Meemaw: [snoring]
[dream sequence:]
Announcer: [v.o.] And the Nobel Prize for Science goes to Connie Tucker! [applause]
Meemaw: Oh, my goodness, y'all are so sweet. [chuckles] I want to thank my brilliant grandson Sheldon and his pal Dr. Linkletter, for bringing me in on the experiment. I'd like to thank my Aunt Linda for teaching me to crochet when I was knee-high to a June bug. [laughter] And everyone, for making me... "The Meemaw of Science." [cheering, applause]
Audience: [chanting] Meemaw! Meemaw! Meemaw!

Meemaw: Wow. Look at those beautiful neutrinos.
Sheldon: Those aren't neutrinos.
Meemaw: What are you talking about? That's what we're looking for.
Sheldon: That's just radioactivity.
Meemaw: Well, then, when do we find the neutrinos?
Dr. Linkletter: We don't. This is just the prototype.
Meemaw: You kidding me?
Sheldon: The actual device needed would be the size of a building.
Dr. Linkletter: And that's 20 to 30 years away.
Meemaw: Well, I could be dead by then.
Sheldon: You still may have helped advance science.
Dr. Linkletter: Unless another team beats us to it.
Sheldon: Yeah.
Meemaw: I'm gonna wait in the car.
Sheldon: If it helps, in 30 years, I should still be alive. [to Dr. Linkletter] Boy, you'd think she'd be happy about that.

George Sr.: Tow truck's on the way.
Mary: You sure we shouldn't call an ambulance?
Meemaw: I'm fine. Sheldon?
Sheldon: I feel fine.
George Sr.: What happened?
Meemaw: Oh, a cat ran in front of me.
George Sr.: You couldn't stop?
Meemaw: I tried, but the brake just gave out.
Mary: Well, thank goodness it wasn't worse.
Meemaw: I should have aimed for the cat.

George Sr.: Looks like your car's gonna be out of commission for a while.
Mary: If you need a ride, the church offers a shuttle service.
Meemaw: I'm not getting on that geezer bus.
Mary: It's just for people who can't get around.
Meemaw: That's 'cause they're so shriveled up, they can't even see over the steering wheel.
George Sr.: I've driven that van... it is grim.

Meemaw: [on the phone] I don't care what your guy says. Have him check it again. [hangs up] Sorry, I'm cranky.
Dale: No problem. I like when you yell at people who aren't me.
Meemaw: Stupid mechanic said the brakes are just fine.
Dale: Well, you probably stepped on the wrong pedal.
Meemaw: I didn't.
Dale: I'm just saying, it happens with people our age, you know.
Meemaw: I've been driving my whole life. I know which pedal is which.
Dale: Now you're yelling at me.
Meemaw: Sorry.

Meemaw: I just think it'd kill me to lose my independence like that.
Hortense: Oh, it's not so bad. Sometimes Clayton takes us to the park.
Vern: Like dogs.
Meemaw: I got places to go... Bowling league, water aerobics, I drive my grandson to college.
Hortense: Why can't he drive himself?
Meemaw: Well, he's 11.
Hortense: Wha...?
Vern: 11 and in college?
Meemaw: He's special.
Hortense: Our grandson is 27.
Vern: Mm, he may be the other kind of special.

Meemaw: How's that salad?
Dale: It sucks. How's your steak?
Meemaw: You know how they overcook it sometimes so it's a little bit dry?
Dale: Uh-huh.
Meemaw: Not this time. It's so good.
Dale: You know what else is good? This radish.
Meemaw: Would you like some steak?
Dale: Yes.
Meemaw: Then you probably should've ordered some. It's delicious.
Dale: You are not a very nice lady.
Meemaw: [softly] Mmm.

Dale: I want to live so long I start looking like a mummy.
Meemaw: [chuckles] You're off to a strong start.
Dale: Hey.

Meemaw: My husband went to the doctor. And they found something. Two days later, he was in surgery. Nine months later, he was dead.
Dale: Geez.
Meemaw: I don't want that. And I, I don't want to put anybody else through that.
Dale: I'm sorry.
Meemaw: Mm.
Dale: I hope you stick around long enough to start looking like a mummy, too.
Meemaw: [chuckles] I always pictured myself more the Bride of Frankenstein type.
Dale: Well, you got the hair for it.

George Jr.: This is stupid.
Meemaw: You know what's stupid? I got to drink pink wine!

Meemaw: Do you really think your supercollider could make a black hole?
Dr. John Sturgis: There is about a one-in-a-trillion chance it could.
Meemaw: Friendly advice... next time somebody asks you if your work could destroy the world, just say no.

Meemaw: Y'all two go get ready for bed.
George Jr.: I don't want to stay around here. I want to go to the hospital and see Dad.
Meemaw: Well, I want to go to Las Vegas and see Willie Nelson, but that ain't gonna happen either.

Joann: Look how many rhinestones fell off in the dryer.
Meemaw: It says right here "do not tumble dry."
Joann: No label's gonna tell me what to do.
Meemaw: I am not in the mood for Texas right now. What do you want from me?
Joann: Well, what size is yours?
Meemaw: No!

Meemaw: This is not what I signed up for. I need to get some help in here.
Dale: Well, so, do it.
Meemaw: Great. I'm taking Georgie.
Dale: Georgie? No, he's my best employee.
Meemaw: He's my grandson.
Dale: Well, so what? Sheldon's the smart one. Take him.
Meemaw: Do you want to go out with somebody who's happy and fun or some cranky, old woman who smells like mop?
Dale: All right. All right. Take Georgie.
Meemaw: Thank you. I'm gonna go get myself fixed up.
Dale: I think you look beautiful just the way you are.
Meemaw: Go to hell.

Meemaw: You fancy yourself a bit of an entrepreneur, don't you?
George Jr.: I like to think so.
Meemaw: And now that you're not in school anymore, I bet you're wanting to take your career to the next level.
George Jr.: [scoffs] What kind of entrepreneur would I be if I didn't?
Meemaw: Well, this is your lucky day, because I have quite the opportunity. How would you like to manage a business all on your own?
George Jr.: That'd be amazing.
Meemaw: Be your own boss. Call the shots.
George Jr.: Hell, yeah. What is it?
Meemaw: Managing a laundromat.
George Jr.: No way.

Meemaw: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.
George Jr.: Why?
Meemaw: Because I don't run a carnival. Grown-up people don't-don't gamble to win a teddy bear.
George Jr.: You're not getting it.
Meemaw: I'm getting that it's dumb.
George Jr.: I'm trying to help you.
Meemaw: If you really wanted to help me, you would stick your head in there and start scraping.

Meemaw: Oh! Don't take all my money! I'm just a Texas grandma trying to make people happy. [laughs]

Meemaw: How we doing?
George Jr.: There's a problem with the cash box.
Meemaw: Oh, what's that?
George Jr.: I can't get it to close.
Meemaw: That is my kind of problem.

Meemaw: So I'm thinking dark red, like a speakeasy. And maybe a little bar in the corner.
Dale: Well, you're gonna need a liquor license.
Meemaw: Oh, right. 'Cause I don't want to break the law in my illegal gambling room.

George Jr.: How about this: no hourly wage, just a cut.
Meemaw: What kind of cut you thinking?
George Jr.: Five percent.
Meemaw: Three percent.
George Jr.: Five.
Meemaw: Three.
George Jr.: You're supposed to go in the middle and say four.
Meemaw: Why don't you say four?
George Jr.: Fine, four.
Meemaw: Two.
George Jr.: Come on.