Mary: Look, we appreciate you going to bat for him, but he's just a wee little thing. We can't ship him off to Dallas.
George Sr.: Shouldn't we talk about this first?
Mary: What's there to talk about, George?
George Sr.: This could be a great opportunity for Sheldon.
Mary: He's nine years old.
George Sr.: Oh, come on, you can't measure him in Earth years.
Mary: You're saying he's an alien?

Mary: All right, let's say grace.
George Jr.: [SNIFFLES] Guess I get to hold hands with you now.
George Sr.: Guess so. Maybe Sheldon's mittens weren't such a bad idea.

Mary: [low humming] Sounds like the ocean.
George Sr.: Oh, it is very relaxing.
George Jr.: Kind of makes the rest of the kitchen look trashy.
Sheldon: Ooh, it has a temperature boost sensor.
Mary: What's that?
Sheldon: It makes sure the water is heated to the correct temperature for ideal cleaning and drying results.
All: Ooh.
Missy: [scoffs and walks off]
Mary: Where are you going? You're gonna miss the rinse cycle.
Missy: I'm not missing anything. [exits]
George Sr.: [dishwasher beeps] Oh, it beeped. Look up "beep."

Pastor Jeff: Except I'm feeling kicked in the nethers right now, and he sure is taking his sweet time with the healing.
George Sr.: He takes his sweet time about a lot of things. Uh, not that I'm complaining. You know, his will, not mine, et cetera.

George Jr.: Now, it needs a little bit of work, but once I'm done, it's gonna be amazing.
George Sr.: No.
George Jr.: What do you mean? It's got low mileage, great stereo. Check this out. [opens side door] Look at all the room.
George Sr.: Hell no.
George Jr.: Why?
George Sr.: This isn't a car. It's a motel room on wheels.
George Jr.: Is that how little you think of me?
George Sr.: [scoffs] Yes. Maybe less.

George Sr.: And I know your mom would want me to tell you to wait till marriage, but I also know you're probably not going to.
George Jr.: Did you?
George Sr.: The important thing is that when you're with a girl... [Georgie scoffs] You know how when we're running practice drills and we wear protection so both people are safe?
George Jr.: Yeah.
George Sr.: Well, there you go.
George Jr.: What?
George Sr.: Same thing, but with your privates.
George Jr.: Please leave.
George Sr.: Thank you.

George Sr.: You know, one thing I can say is that having a happy marriage is it's hard work.
Pastor Jeff: Oh, I know. As the pastor, people come to me with relationship problems all the time.
George Sr.: Bet you hear some juicy ones, huh?
Pastor Jeff: "Juicy" doesn't begin to describe it.
George Sr.: Oh, give me a sample.
Pastor Jeff: I can't. There's strict pastor-flock confidentiality.
George Sr.: Sure. Sure.
Pastor Jeff: Mm.
George Sr.: Mary doesn't tell you things about us, does she?
Pastor Jeff: I'm not at liberty to say.
George Sr.: But she does, doesn't she?
Pastor Jeff: Yeah.
George Sr.: Yeah.

Mary: How are we not qualified for anything?
George Sr.: Well, there were a couple.
Mary: I'm not gonna be night security guard at the junkyard, George. You can.
George Sr.: You know I get sleepy.

Sheldon: Did you talk to my teacher?
George Sr.: I did.
Sheldon: So, is he gonna tell me what I'm doing wrong?
George Sr.: I'm going to. You're sitting here waiting to be handed the answer and that's not how life is. You got to work for it.
Sheldon: I don't want to hear a football pep talk.
George Sr.: Hey. This isn't football. This is real. Your professor's right. Now, instead of pouting, take charge of your own life.

George Sr.: What do you mean you quit?
Sheldon: It was beneath me.
George Sr.: You need to learn there's nothing wrong with a little hard work.
Sheldon: Hard work is calculating neutrino properties to one percent accuracy. Anyone can wash bolts.
George Sr.: You begged him for that job.
Sheldon: I assumed he'd realize the value of my intellect and put it to good use.
George Sr.: Hang on. You made a commitment. When you say you're gonna do something, you do it.
Sheldon: Well, he could find someone else.
George Sr.: Doesn't matter. This is about you being a man of your word.
Adult Sheldon: I wanted to point out that I couldn't be a man of my word, since I hadn't hit puberty, but he seemed pretty grouchy.

Adult Sheldon: My sister's crankiness did not dampen my enthusiasm. A chicken may have fractured my arm, but nothing could break my can-do spirit.
Sheldon: All in the bowl, none on me. I call that a successful urination.
George Sr.: Great. Go teach your brother.

Professor Boucher: Look... your son is obviously brilliant, but coddling him won't prepare him for the real world.
George Sr.: I've been saying that since the day he was born.
Professor Boucher: Sometimes you have to break them down to build them back up.
George Sr.: I do that with my football players. At least, I try to, but then the parents get all bent out of shape, they come into my office.
Professor Boucher: You don't say.
George Sr.: Yeah, you would not believe... Oh. Y-You mean me. Got it.
Professor Boucher: You figured it out again.
George Sr.: Hey, I'm two for two.

Mary: I guess a dishwasher might be nice.
George Sr.: There you go. Get a dishwasher.
Mary: I don't know. I'll think about it.
George Sr.: What's to think about? Have some fun for once.
Missy: Ooh, we getting something fun with the money?
George Sr.: We're talking about a dishwasher.
Missy: When did your dreams die?
George Sr.: When we had kids.
Mary: George.

Pastor Jeff: So, shall we get to the business at hand?
Mary: Obviously, we're... mortified by Missy's behavior.
George Sr.: Even though it sounds like that punk had it coming.
Pastor Jeff: While his words were out of line, it brings us to the bigger issue, which is... people are talking about Georgie.
George Sr.: Bunch of holy rollers with no lives.

Coach Wilkins: Missy want to play ball?
George Sr.: How do you know I wasn't calling for Sheldon? Fine, it was Missy.

George Sr.: I'm proud of him for trying to overcome that damn dog phobia.
Mary: You should tell him that.
George Sr.: Well, if he ever leaves that bathroom, I will.

George Sr.: Who you talking to?
Sheldon: A reporter from Time magazine.
George Sr.: No! He didn't mean it. God bless America.

George Sr.: Missy doing anything stupid?
Mary: No.
George Sr.: One out of three. Not bad.

Mary: Apparently she's taking the divorce really hard. I guess she's been having trouble in school.
Meemaw: Aw, poor thing.
Mary: Linda thinks Sheldon might be a good influence, you know, maybe rub off on her a little bit.
George Sr.: What, she wants her kid to be more like Sheldon? I don't know what to say about that.

Coach Wilkins: Hey, you heard from George today?
Principal Petersen: George. Cooper? No. You?
Coach Wilkins: No. Hoping that he would join us.
Principal Petersen: Well, he's going through a tough time at home, you got to cut him a little slack.
[George has been seated at their table drinking a beer the whole time]
George Sr.: Are you done?
Principal Petersen: I don't know. What do you think?
Coach Wilkins: I can keep going.
Principal Petersen: Me too. You ever wonder how that Sheldon kid wound up being so smart?
Coach Wilkins: Oh, you mean like was there a genius pizza delivery guy or mailman in the mix?
Principal Petersen: Exactly.
George Sr.: All right, that's enough. And for the record, my grandfather was a brilliant man. Co-invented the traffic cone. Used to be wood, he made it rubber. That's right.