George: If I grab my chest and keel over, maybe we can get out of here.
Mary: That's a terrible thing to say.

Sheldon: There is the launching of the space shuttle this weekend.
George: Space shuttle? Don't they do those out of Florida?
Sheldon: Yes. Cape Canaveral.
George: Sheldon, that's-that's like a 12, 15 hour drive.
Sheldon: I understand. Never mind.
George: You know what? Let's do it. It'll be fun. The three Cooper boys on a little adventure. Sound good?
Sheldon: Sounds good.

Mary: Starting next Monday, I'm gonna take a full-time job at the church.
Sheldon: Well, who's going to take care of us?
Mary: Well, nothing will change in the morning I'll make breakfast, take you both to school. Then, after school, you'll come home, do your homework, watch TV, play with your toys till I come home around 6:00.
Sheldon: Well, why can't Meemaw take care of us?
George: 'Cause she's not the person you think she is.
Mary: George!

George: Hey, it's Dad. How you guys doing?
Missy: We're great.
George: Glad to hear it.
Missy: I'm watching TV, and Sheldon's reading quietly.
George: I knew you could handle this. I'm proud of you.
Missy: You know what? I'm proud of us, too.
George: Okay, baby doll, I'll be home in a couple hours.
Missy: Stay out all night. We got this.
George: Wha- Love you, too.

Mary: Why aren't you more upset about this?
George: I am. I just think we should proceed with caution.
Mary: Someone is hurting our son.
George: I understand. But handling bullies is tricky. It's easy to make things worse.
Mary: And what makes you the expert?
George: Honey, I was a bully.

Meemaw: Had enough? You gonna back down?
Mary: No. He's real smart, but he needs to learn he doesn't know everything.
George: Woman, you are getting sexier by the second. Whew.

Linda: I mean, you, of all people, would understand. You've got a special child of your own.
George: I do, I do.
Linda: How do you and Mary handle the stress?
George: Well, we actually have a pretty good system.
Linda: Oh, please tell me.
George: We don't talk about it.
Linda: Not at all?
George: Zippo.
Linda: Boy, that doesn't sound like it could work.
George: Suit yourself, but I'm having a nice day; you're crying into your peach cobbler.

Linda: And then when Paige turned six, it was obvious she wasn't like the other kids, and she needed a school where she could excel.
George: Uh-huh.
Linda: But Barry's dental practice was 50 miles outside of Fayetteville, and do you know what's available for extraordinary children 50 miles outside of Fayetteville?
George: I'm gonna guess not much.
Linda: Nothing. So I packed us up, and I made him move to Texas where, believe it or not, people do get cavities.
George: I believe it. I had a humdinger last summer. Face swelled up like a cantaloupe.

Sheldon: Did you know that her parents are getting a divorce?
George: Just keep walking. Keep walking.

George: Hey, listen, something came up today that we need to talk about.
Mary: What's that?
George: I maybe have a shot at a better job.
Mary: Oh, George, they're finally gonna make you head coach?
George: Better than that. Special Teams Coach, University of Tulsa.
Mary: In Oklahoma?
George: That is where they're keeping Tulsa these days.

Adult Sheldon: There are certain phrases that are used by dads around the world.
George: Close the fridge. You're wastin' money.

Mary: Your sandwich is exactly the same, Sheldon.
George: What's going on?
Sheldon: This bread is different.
George: Let me see. You know, he might be right. [Mary hits George] Ow.

George: Look. I know you don't respect what I do as a coach.
Sheldon: Maybe you do know me.
George: But this is a thing I actually know about. I've seen it happen to my players. I've seen it happen to pros in golf. In baseball. The answer is always the same. Stop thinking and get out of your own way.
Sheldon: I don't know how to do that.
George: Have you ever heard the Nike slogan "Just do it"?
Sheldon: I'm familiar with the phrase "let's do it," uttered by Gary Gilmore, the last person to be executed by firing squad in America.
George: Okay, well, it's a shoe slogan. And it's good advice. The answer is already in your head. Don't think so hard. Just do it.
Sheldon: I'll try.
George: Good man.

Mary: You're gonna have to introduce us to this girl.
Georgie: Why?
George: 'Cause she's having our grandbaby, you dumb son of a bitch.
Mary: George! But what he said.
Georgie: I'll ask her, but she's not very happy with me right now.
George: Yeah, I like her already.

George: I got fired, Sheldon. And I got a bad reputation.