Principal Petersen: Now, I understand Sheldon is an exceptional child, all right, but when he willfully disobeys the order of a teacher, there needs to be some consequences here.
George: Oh, we couldn't agree more.
Mary: What kind of punishment are you thinking?
Principal Petersen: Well, Mary, in a case like this, a few days of detention.
Mary: Really? That seems a little harsh.
George: Oh, detention's no big deal. Now, my principal used to whup my ass with a paddle. That got my attention.
Principal Petersen: Oh, yeah. Those were the days. Still have mine. Ah, Ol' Spanky. Whoa.
George: Got a real nice grip on that thing.
Principal Petersen: Yeah, George. Had the equipment manager over at the Astros make this for me. The holes in it cut down on wind resistance.
George: Smart.
Principal Petersen: But these days you have to have a consent form to whack the kids. I don't know where this world's headed.
George: You ought to get one of those for when Georgie acts up. Like you never thought about going upside his head with a slab of wood.
Principal Petersen: You know, there was a time this thing gave me tennis elbow.

George: Who you talking to? That Veronica girl?
Georgie: Yeah.
George: What's going on with that?
Georgie: Nothing. We're just friends.
George: Okay. You ever want to run any of this stuff by me, I'm here for you.
Georgie: Why would I want to run it by you?
George: Well, I was once a 15-year-old boy. I know what it's like to have strong feelings for a girl.
Georgie: Gross. I'm not gonna talk to you about this.
George: I-I saw that kid on Who's the Boss talk to Tony Danza about his problems.
Georgie: They're not related. This is totally different.
George: Damn it, Georgie, you could flush once in a while.

Georgie: You know if we had cable, we'd have, like, 60 channels?
George: We have plenty of channels.
Georgie: We have seven.
George: Hey! There are starving kids in Africa with no channels.
Georgie: Come on, it don't cost much.
George: I'm not paying for television. Television is free. Always was, always will be.

George: Hey! You want to throw the ball around?
Missy: [crying] No, go away.
George: Did something happen at school?
Missy: [crying] I don't want to talk about it.
George: Okay. Well... You change your mind, you know I'm here for you. [starts to leave]
Missy: He likes someone else.
George: I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Missy: She doesn't even know who Nolan Ryan is.
George: This guy sounds like an idiot.
Missy: He's not. He's perfect.
George: All right. Want me to get your mom?
Missy: No.
George: You want me to beat this guy up?
Missy: No.
George: What can I do?
[Outside, George and Missy throw a ball around]

Dale: Uh, you want to switch to light beer?
George: Hey. I may have boobs, but I'm still a man.

George: What's going on?
Sheldon: Georgie taped over Star Trek: The Next Generation.
George: So? Watch something else.
Sheldon: I don't want to watch something else. I want to watch Star Trek: The Next Generation.
George: And I want to feel bad for you, but I don't.

Meemaw: All right, here I am. What's the emergency?
George: Sheldon's mad at Georgie 'cause he taped over his space show, but now he's hiding in the garage 'cause Missy brought home Billy's chicken. And Missy's hiding in the bathroom 'cause I brought home fried chicken.
Meemaw: Good luck.

George: Oh, come on, help me out!
Meemaw: What are you doing to help?
George: I called your ass over here.
Meemaw: Where's Mary?
George: At church planning Pastor Jeff's wedding.
Meemaw: And she left you in charge?
George: Yeah.
Meemaw: Well, that was dumb.
George: Thank you.

George: [plunging] Maybe I'm being punished. Maybe I'm a bad person. That went in my mouth.

George: I can't imagine talking to my dad the way this kid talks to me. I'd have had a belt on my backside so fast...
Coach Wilkins: My dad was a hugger.
George: I had to tell him three times to mow the lawn, and he still gave me attitude.
Coach Wilkins: He's going to school, holding down a job. If he was my kid, I'd be proud of him.
George: I am proud of him. When he's not being a total pain in my ass.

Mary: Here's some coffee for the road.
George: Thanks.
Mary: Make sure your dad doesn't drink too many beers.
Georgie: You're funny.
Mary: And make sure your son doesn't drink any beers.
George: Got it. I'll finish 'em all. Let's go.

George: This is ridiculous.
Coach Wilkins: Just do it, you baby.
George: Fine. Mary, I appreciate you.
Coach Wilkins: That's the best you can do? Baby, you have any single friends for this poor woman?
George: Mary, I appreciate how much you take care of the house and... all of us. I know it's not easy.
Mary: Thank you. That means a lot.
Coach Wilkins: I love it. Mary, you're up.
Mary: [chuckles] Well, George... I appreciate how hard you work. I know you make a lot of sacrifices for us, and you don't get enough credit for that.
George: Thank you.

George: Oh... Boy, I remember putting one of these together for Georgie.
Pastor Jeff: It is great having y'all next door.
George: Did you not hear me yelling at Georgie last night?
Pastor Jeff: It's okay. I'm sure you'll hear our little one crying soon enough.
George: Missy was a crier. Sheldon just learned to talk and said, "Father, I have soiled myself."
Pastor Jeff: Well, he's a miracle in his own way.
George: Oh, you just put a positive spin on everything, don't you?
Pastor Jeff: Kind of goes with the pastor territory.
George: Okay. What if I said Mary and I have not had a real vacation since we had kids?
Pastor Jeff: I like to believe starting a family will be the most rewarding adventure of all.
George: You're good. [chuckles] You could not be more wrong, but you're good.

Pastor Jeff: Two months! Two months till this baby comes! There's so much I thought I was gonna do in my life.
George: I'm sure you've done plenty.
Pastor Jeff: Nothing cool. Look at you. You played football and rode a motorcycle.
George: Well, you save people's souls. That's neat, right?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, it's neat as neat can be, but you know that's not what I'm talking about.
George: [sighs] Look, being a dad doesn't mean your life is over. It just means it's different. Instead of playing football, I get to coach it now. I mean, high school football. Not college like I'd hoped. I-Instead of a motorcycle, I drive a truck. To work every single day. To pay the bills. [sighs] Oh. Endless bills. What happened to my life?
Pastor Jeff: Orange wedge?

Georgie: Is this gonna take long? I need to get to class.
George: From what I hear, you don't care about that. Now, sit. [Georgie sits] What the hell you doin'?
Georgie: I cut a class. Who cares?
George: It was more than one, and I care. You start flunking out, you're gonna get kicked off the team.
Georgie: Fine.
George: Now you don't care about football?
Georgie: Not really.
George: I don't know what's going on with you, but you better get your head out of your ass.
Georgie: Football's a waste of time. I have a job I could be at.
George: You made a commitment to the team and you're gonna honor it.
Georgie: [exhales] We done?
George: Just get back to class. And I better see you at practice.
Georgie: Well, I don't know if I can find it with my head up my ass.