George Jr.: I'm Georgie.
Mandy: Mandy. And now that we're on a first-name basis, I'm gonna throw my underwear in here.
George Jr.: And since I'm a gentleman, I ain't gonna look.
Mandy: You just looked.
George Jr.: I did.

Mandy: Did you give it the old push-pull?
George Jr.: You're back soon.
Mandy: What do you know about getting wine stains out of rayon?
George Jr.: You got to let it soak first.
Mandy: Does that work?
George Jr.: I don't know. That's just my answer to every laundry question.
Mandy: [laughs] Smooth.

George Jr.: How about, while this runs, I take you to dinner?
Mandy: How old are you?
George Jr.: [inner monologue] Do not say 17. [out loud] Old enough.
Mandy: Old enough to what? To drink?
George Jr.: Yes, ma'am.
Mandy: [chuckles] "Ma'am"? How old do you think I am?
George Jr.: Well, I'm also old enough to know that's a trap, so... How old are you?
Mandy: 25.
George Jr.: 21.
Mandy: I was worried you were gonna say "19."
George Jr.: Oh, no, I promise I'm not 19.

Mandy: Before this goes any further, there's something I got to tell you.
George Jr.: This is going further? Sweet.
Mandy: Listen to me. I wasn't completely honest about my age.
George Jr.: You weren't?
Mandy: I'm actually... 29.
George Jr.: No kidding.
Mandy: Yeah.
George Jr.: Well, then, I guess there's something I should tell you. I'm totally fine with that.
Mandy: Great. [they kiss]

George Sr.: Where are the damn filters?
Mary: They're in the cabinet, where they always are.
George Jr.: These two, fighting like the Serbs and Croatians in Bosnia.

George Jr.: Mom make you wear that?
Missy: Yeah.
George Jr.: She did the same thing to me with pleated khakis. I looked like Pastor Jeff.
Missy: Well, she doesn't know that I brought a change.
George Jr.: Good for you. I tried cutting the khakis into shorts.
Missy: Did it help?
George Jr.: No. I looked like Sheldon.
Missy: That's tragic.

George Jr.: Hey, I know I don't work here anymore, but could I use this office tonight?
Dale: No!
George Jr.: Fine.
Dale: Did you used to?
George Jr.: [scoffs softly] No.

George Jr.: So, where you want to go?
Mandy: I am up for anything.
George Jr.: I was thinking the bar, but I go there so much. What about a movie?
Mandy: Or we could just go back to your place.
George Jr.: Oh. That- That'd be amazing.
Mandy: Well, amazing's a lot of pressure, but I'll give it a shot. [chuckles]
George Jr.: Listen, when I said I moved out of my parents' place, that was true. But I'm kind of living in their garage.
Mandy: Well, my parents are in the bedroom next to mine, so it's your place or nothing.
George Jr.: My place works.

[Georgie and Mandy are making out on his bed in the garage]
Meemaw: [imaginary] Oh, Georgie. I'm so disappointed in you.
[Georgie pulls away from Mandy]
Mandy: Is everything okay?
George Jr.: Yeah. Very okay. [resume kissing]
Meemaw: Tell her before things go too far.
Dale: [imaginary] Would you leave the kid alone? He's just having some fun.
Meemaw: He's lying, and she deserves to know.
Dale: Just let it go.
Meemaw: No. He's feeling guilty, and he's gonna do the right thing.
Dale: Connie, the second that girl's shirt comes off, it's game over.
Meemaw: No. My grandson has more integrity than you're giving him credit...
[Imaginary Meemaw and Dale disappear as Mandy takes her top off]
George Jr.: [o.s.] Amazing.

George Jr.: The point is, you shouldn't give this away for free.
Missy: How much would I even charge?
George Jr.: Hmm. How about 50 cents?
Missy: They only cost me, like, two cents to make.
George Jr.: Yeah, but you're not factoring in your time and the cost of the machine you bought and the value of the brainpower it took to think of butterscotch cotton candy.
Missy: Yeah. No one else thought of putting old-lady candy in a cotton candy machine. Why should they get it for free?
George Jr.: Welcome to business.
Missy: Thank you for having me.

George Jr.: Oh, you want me to move this to the bedroom?
Mandy: It's a studio, this is the bedroom.
George Jr.: Oh. [drops mattress on the floor] There you go.
Mandy: How can I ever thank you?
George Jr.: Let's see... we are in the bedroom.
Mandy: What, so, like, take a nap?
George Jr.: [chuckles] Maybe after.
Mandy: Deal. [they kiss]

Mandy: Oh, God, is that my yearbook?
George Jr.: Dang, y'all had some big hair.
Mandy: You're gonna talk to me about big hair?
George Jr.: You think it's big now, wait till it gets humid.

George Jr.: My folks are gonna kill me.
Dale: They don't know yet?
George Jr.: You're the only person I told.
Dale: Oh, no, I don't want that.
George Jr.: Please help me.
Dale: [sighs] All right, first things first. Are you sure this kid's even yours?
George Jr.: Yeah. We've been sleeping together.
Dale: Well, that doesn't mean it's yours.
George Jr.: [cheerfully] Maybe she cheated on me.
Dale: We can only hope.

George Jr.: All right. I know what I need to do.
Dale: Tell your parents?
George Jr.: Do the right thing and marry her.
Dale: Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Georgie... no one has to get married here.
George Jr.: Well, my dad got my mom pregnant, and he married her.
Dale: Rushing into marriage with someone you hardly know is a bad idea.
George Jr.: Maybe we could be happy together.
Dale: How does she feel about you right now?
George Jr.: Pissed. But she's pregnant, so it's probably just chick hormones.
Dale: Well, tell her that and see what happens.

George Sr.: Hey, what are you doing here?
George Jr.: I just had to talk to Dale.
George Sr.: You all right? You look like you saw a ghost.
George Jr.: Yeah, I'm good.
George Sr.: Look, I know I've been busy, but if you ever want to talk, I'm around.
George Jr.: Actually, uh... I-I... I got a... I got a girl pregnant.
George Sr.: What the hell's the matter with you?!
[George picks up Dale's cash register and smashes it through a glass display case, before tearing his own shirt off]
[reality:]
George Sr.: Hello? I said if you ever want to talk, I'm here.
George Jr.: Thanks. Gotta go.

Mary: What's going on? Everything okay?
George Sr.: You might want to sit.
Mary: Now you're scaring me.
George Sr.: No one died.
George Jr.: Kind of the opposite, actually. [George rolls his eyes]

George Jr.: Hey, let's just keep in mind, I didn't do this by myself. It takes two to tango.
Meemaw: Do you even know what a tango is?
George Jr.: It's sex, ain't it?

Mary: I hope brisket's okay. Georgie wasn't too sure what kind of food you liked.
George Jr.: We didn't do a lot of eating when we were together.
[Mandy gives Georgie a dirty look]

George Jr.: I'm hoping for a boy, but as long as it's healthy, that's all that matters. What are y'all having?

Sheldon: What are you doing?
George Jr.: Nothing.
Sheldon: Is that chewing tobacco?
George Jr.: It's chocolate Bazooka. What do you want?