Pastor Jeff: Howdy, Coopers! How we doing today?
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff.
Pastor Jeff: Y'all remember my wife Selena.
Meemaw: Hi, Selena.
George: Oh, yeah.
Selena: ¿Qué tal?
Georgie: You're married to her?
Pastor Jeff: Why, yes, I am.
George: [QUIETLY]: You can think it, you don't need to say it.

Georgie: Maybe you should go across the street and apologize.
George: I can't do that.
Georgie: Why not?
George: 'Cause if I do, it sets a bad precedent.
Georgie: What's Nixon got to do with it?
George: What?
Georgie: You said "bad president," like Nixon. You know, this guy.

Georgie: What are you doing?
George: Separating the whites from the colors.
Georgie: Whoa, that's racist.

Missy: Do you believe in God?
Georgie: Yeah.
Missy: But in the Bible, he does all kinds of mean stuff. If he's good, why would he do that?
Georgie: Maybe he just wants to show he's in charge. Hulk Hogan's nice, but in the ring, he will mess you up.
Missy: That's either really smart or really stupid.
Georgie: That's what I do.
Missy: Do you ever wonder if it's all made-up?
Georgie: Look, this is Texas. We like football. We like God. And beef. Beef's up there, too.
Missy: But how do you know there's a God?
Georgie: See that girl dancing in them shorts? There's a God.

Georgie: Thanks for waking me up.
Mary: I woke you up 40 minutes ago.
Georgie: Well, you didn't do a very good job.

Mary: Well, I am happy to report that my potato salad is once again the hit of the potluck.
George: That's great, honey.
Mary: I feel bad for Pam Staples. No one's touching her potato salad.
Sheldon: If you feel bad, then why are you smiling?
Meemaw: 'Cause sometimes your mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.

Meemaw: I'm in the prime of my life. I got my water aerobics and my salsa dancing and my bowling league.
Mary: But you love your grandchildren.
Meemaw: I love ice cream, too, but I don't want to eat it from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week.
Mary: Well, I'm very disappointed.
Meemaw: And I'm fine with that.