Dr. John Sturgis: Does it go straight like this for a while?
Dr. Linkletter: It's Texas. Goes straight like this for the rest of our lives. You thinking of giving it a try?
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, there aren't any cars around. Uh, seems like a good place to practice.
Dr. Linkletter: Excellent. I could use a break.
Dr. John Sturgis: This is exciting. I'm all atingle.
Sheldon: You are not peeing in a bottle.

Sheldon: Dr. Linkletter, I need to talk to you.
Dr. Linkletter: Are we in my office?
Sheldon: No.
Dr. Linkletter: Then these are not my office hours.
Sheldon: Are you using my love of schedules against me?
Dr. Linkletter: [chuckles] Oh, yes.
Sheldon: Well done.

Dr. Linkletter: Sheldon, thank you for coming in. I want to apologize for our little tiff earlier.
Sheldon: You're forgiven.
Dr. Linkletter: Oh. Great. I found something that might be of interest to you. An authentic signature from Richard Feynman.
Sheldon: Where did you get this?
Dr. Linkletter: Details aren't important.
Sheldon: Is this a restraining order?
Dr. Linkletter: Not important.
Sheldon: That's actually a really good way to get autographs. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Jim: Here we are. Grab a shovel and dig in. There you go.
Dr. Linkletter: I spent the summer in Italy once.
Georgie: Bringing back memories?
Dr. Linkletter: No.

Dr. John Sturgis: Societal norms are different on road trips. Normally, I don't eat junk food, but here, it's tradition. I'm not even sure what a chicharron is.
Sheldon: It's the deep-fried skin of a pig.
Dr. John Sturgis: That seems like something they should say on the bag.

Pat: Look, you seem like nice folk, but Yankees ain't popular around here. I suggest you be on your way.
Dr. Linkletter: Sorry to have troubled you. Let's go.
Sheldon: Excuse me. My colleagues may be from the North, but for your information, I'm a Texan, born and bred. I know that real chili has no beans, and when my meemaw says, "Bless your heart," she means something very different. Now, my friend here is in need of help, and since our state motto is literally "friendship," may he please use your phone?
Pat: Well, dang. [puts the phone on the bar]
Dr. John Sturgis: And could I trouble you for a yellow pages?
Dr. Linkletter: Oh, boy.

Adult Sheldon: After a quick burial behind the bar, we were back on the road. Dr. Sturgis tried to find some appropriate music for a proper send-off. Three Christian talk shows and a whole lot of static later, he settled on what he declared the Dixieland jazz of West Texas. ["El Son de la Negra / Guadalajara" playing] Mariachi.
Dr. John Sturgis: Vaya con dios, armadillo. Vaya con dios.