Coach Wilkins Quotes Page 1 of 3
Quote from the episode Funeral
Coach Wilkins: I cleaned out George's desk. Uh, thought you might like his stuff.
Mary: Thanks.
Coach Wilkins: I just wanted you to know that if there's anything that you or the kids need... [crying] I'm here for y'all.
Mary: Oh, Wayne.
Coach Wilkins: I mean it. Anything that you need.
Mary: Thank you. [hugs Wayne] I appreciate that. [Wayne sobs] You doing okay?
Coach Wilkins: Oh, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about me. [sobs]
Mary: Okay. Let me get you a tissue.
Quote from the episode Funeral
Coach Wilkins: [supressing sobs] Just miss him, you know? [blows nose]
Mary: I do.
Coach Wilkins: I used to... I used to mess with him by telling him he was my best white friend, you know. But... but the truth is that he was my best friend.
Mary: And you were his.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, that's nice to know. I'm not helping, am I?
Mary: That's okay. Are you hungry? We've got lots of food.
Coach Wilkins: [blows his nose] Yeah, I-I could eat.
Mary: Hope you like casserole.
Coach Wilkins: I do like casserole.
Quote from the episode Spock, Kirk, and Testicular Hernia
Coach Wilkins: Ooh, that's rough. Hmm. How'd it happen?
Sheldon: It's hard to say, but some risk factors include: heavy lifting, a chronic cough and repetitive straining during bowel movements.
Coach Wilkins: I've been there. Hmm. All right. Guess I'll see you in six to eight weeks.
Quote from the episode Body Glitter and a Mall Safety Kit
Coach Wilkins: You ever tell him you're proud?
George: He knows.
Coach Wilkins: I think it's important for children to hear it.
George: You don't even have kids.
Coach Wilkins: I teach and coach teenage boys. I also put up with your childish nonsense.
George: Georgie's just being so damn disrespectful, I don't want to reward that.
Coach Wilkins: All right.
George: My father never said he was proud of me. I turned out just fine.
Coach Wilkins: George, I'm just trying to have a nice day, make some white folks uncomfortable. Can you please?
Quote from the episode An Existential Crisis and a Bear That Makes Bubbles
George: Well, in my family, we don't quit.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, I don't know. You quit my book club pretty quick.
George: I'm talking about football!
Coach Wilkins: Why is it so important to you that he play?
George: Are you sure you're a coach? Team sports provides confidence, leadership, discipline.
Coach Wilkins: So does holding down a job, which he seems to shine at.
George: Let's just eat in silence.
Coach Wilkins: Fine. I still think you should have read The Color Purple. We were bawling.
Quote from the episode Snoopin' Around and the Wonder Twins of Atheism
George: Do you have any women friends?
Coach Wilkins: Uh-oh. Mary finally wise up and kick you to the curb?
George: I'm being serious.
Coach Wilkins: I have plenty of women friends. Matter of fact, my best friend's a woman.
George: Are you gonna say your wife?
Coach Wilkins: You know I am. She got in the shower with me this morning.
George: I don't need to hear that.
Coach Wilkins: How could something be so clean and so dirty at the same time?
George: I'm sorry I asked.
Coach Wilkins: Are you upset 'cause I said she was my best friend and not you?
George: No.
Coach Wilkins: You're in the top three.
George: Stop talking to me.
Coach Wilkins: Definitely my best white friend.
Quote from the episode Potential Energy and Hooch on a Park Bench
Coach Wilkins: Fine. But it doesn't matter where you go. She's just gonna be happy you're trying.
George: I hope so.
Coach Wilkins: It's nice to see I'm finally rubbing off on you.
George: I am capable of being a decent husband.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, of course you are.
George: Don't patronize me.
Coach Wilkins: I could stop, but then what will we have left?
Quote from the episode Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzygy
Coach Wilkins: Hey, uh, how's bachelor life treating you?
George: Good. Mary makes this parenting thing seem hard. I'm great at it.
Coach Wilkins: So, you finally gave it a shot. Good for you.
George: Make your jokes, but I'm even helping out kids that aren't mine.
Coach Wilkins: Really?
George: Billy Sparks got a little crush on Missy.
Coach Wilkins: Uh-oh. Danger zone.
George: What? [chuckles] Why?
Coach Wilkins: Getting in the middle of your teenage daughter's love life? What could possibly go wrong?
George: I can't win with you.
Quote from the episode Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzygy
George: I'm not even gonna tell you how I helped Sheldon.
Coach Wilkins: It may be better you don't.
George: Fine. I used a sports metaphor about science, and it worked.
Coach Wilkins: I'm sure it did.
George: It did.
Coach Wilkins: I'm sure.
George: You should be.
Coach Wilkins: I am.
George: Good.
Coach Wilkins: It is good.
George: Are you just gonna keep having the last word?
Coach Wilkins: No.
George: Thank you. [sighs] [Coach Wilkins is silent] Just say it.
Coach Wilkins: You're welcome.
Quote from the episode Stuffed Animals and a Sweet Southern Syzygy
Coach Wilkins: You've been doing such a good job at home, I thought you should be recognized.
George: [chuckles] Oh. Thanks.
Coach Wilkins: Mm. How'd everything go last night?
George: Not bad. Not bad.
Coach Wilkins: Glad to hear it. You lying sack.
George: What?
Coach Wilkins: I know Billy asked Missy out and it all went south. Darlene told me everything.
George: Oh, man, how did she find out?
Coach Wilkins: You know how gossip flies in the teachers' lounge.
George: Fine. Everything you said is true. Shouldn't have gotten involved.
Coach Wilkins: Well, I'm-a let you keep the mug as a goal to work towards.
George: Mm, gee, thanks.
Coach Wilkins: How'd the thing with Sheldon go? [George exhales] All right, give me the mug back.
George: Gladly.
Quote from the episode A Lot of Band-Aids and the Cooper Surrender
Coach Wilkins: Oh, I know that face. Heartburn? Gas? What are we working with?
George: Not in the mood, Wayne.
Coach Wilkins: Are you in the mood for Tums? I could hook you up.
Quote from the episode An Ugly Car, an Affair and Some Kickass Football
George: Great practice. Let's gather round, take a knee. All right, Coach. They're all yours.
Coach Wilkins: Thank you, George. Look at you guys. Young, strong, all your hopes and dreams in front of you. None of you have any idea of what's out there waiting for you.
George: Wayne, where you going with it?
Coach Wilkins: A team requires trust. Sure, you can count on your teammates when the ball is snapped. But can you count on them when they're away at a teachers conference with the woman you were gonna spend your life with? Hmm?
George: Okay. "Team" on three.
Quote from the episode Ants on a Log and a Cheating Winker
Coach Wilkins: Ants on a log?
George: No.
Coach Wilkins: They're not real ants. It's raisins.
George: I know what they are, Wayne.
Quote from the episode A Little Snip and Teaching Old Dogs
Coach Wilkins: I can't believe you did it without telling your wife.
George: I didn't call you for a lecture, Wayne. I called you for a ride.
Coach Wilkins: Which you needed 'cause you had a vasectomy without telling Mary.
George: I only went down there to ask some questions, and they had an opening.
Coach Wilkins: So you said, "Get in there, start snipping!"
George: I panicked! Mary was looking at baby pictures.
Coach Wilkins: Oh. Clearly, you had no choice.
George: I'm in a lot of pain here, Wayne. You're not helping.
Coach Wilkins: What do you think she's gonna say when she finds out?
George: She's not gonna find out.
Coach Wilkins: You can barely walk. You think she's not gonna notice?
George: You have any idea how much sitting I do at home?
Coach Wilkins: Oh, I can imagine. I do work with you.
George: [sighs] Hey, watch out for that... pothole.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, I saw it.
Quote from the episode A Couple Bruised Ribs and a Cereal Box Ghost Detector
George: Okay, fine. But that was pure instinct. Besides, she shouldn't have been standing on the sidelines.
Coach Wilkins: Why was she there?
George: I told her she could.
Coach Wilkins: [laughing] Oh, man, you must feel terrible.
George: Yeah, of course I do.
Coach Wilkins: I mean, it's all on you.
George: You done?
Coach Wilkins: Oh-ho-ho, baby, I'm just getting started.
- View another character
- Sheldon
- Mary
- George Sr.
- George Jr.
- Missy
- Meemaw
- Pastor Jeff
- Adult Sheldon