Coach Wilkins: Fine. But it doesn't matter where you go. She's just gonna be happy you're trying.
George Sr.: I hope so.
Coach Wilkins: It's nice to see I'm finally rubbing off on you.
George Sr.: I am capable of being a decent husband.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, of course you are.
George Sr.: Don't patronize me.
Coach Wilkins: I could stop, but then what will we have left?

George Sr.: Well, in my family, we don't quit.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, I don't know. You quit my book club pretty quick.
George Sr.: I'm talking about football!
Coach Wilkins: Why is it so important to you that he play?
George Sr.: Are you sure you're a coach? Team sports provides confidence, leadership, discipline.
Coach Wilkins: So does holding down a job, which he seems to shine at.
George Sr.: Let's just eat in silence.
Coach Wilkins: Fine. I still think you should have read The Color Purple. We were bawling.

Coach Wilkins: You ever tell him you're proud?
George Sr.: He knows.
Coach Wilkins: I think it's important for children to hear it.
George Sr.: You don't even have kids.
Coach Wilkins: I teach and coach teenage boys. I also put up with your childish nonsense.
George Sr.: Georgie's just being so damn disrespectful, I don't want to reward that.
Coach Wilkins: All right.
George Sr.: My father never said he was proud of me. I turned out just fine.
Coach Wilkins: George, I'm just trying to have a nice day, make some white folks uncomfortable. Can you please?

George Sr.: Do you have any women friends?
Coach Wilkins: Uh-oh. Mary finally wise up and kick you to the curb?
George Sr.: I'm being serious.
Coach Wilkins: I have plenty of women friends. Matter of fact, my best friend's a woman.
George Sr.: Are you gonna say your wife?
Coach Wilkins: You know I am. She got in the shower with me this morning.
George Sr.: I don't need to hear that.
Coach Wilkins: How could something be so clean and so dirty at the same time?
George Sr.: I'm sorry I asked.
Coach Wilkins: Are you upset 'cause I said she was my best friend and not you?
George Sr.: No.
Coach Wilkins: You're in the top three.
George Sr.: Stop talking to me.
Coach Wilkins: Definitely my best white friend.

Sheldon: But why are you wasting your time here when you could be doing science?
Dr. John Sturgis: I told you, I'm happy here.
Sheldon: How could you be happy? You have a doctorate in physics, and you're sticking labels to a case of beans.
Dr. John Sturgis: I had to work here a month before they let me use this thing. And yet, I could go buy a real gun on my lunch break. Ha! Texas, huh?
Sheldon: But don't you miss trying to unlock the secrets of the universe?
Dr. John Sturgis: Sheldon, I spent my life chasing theoreticals. Here, I have tangible accomplishments and I get to listen to relaxing Top 40 music. Do you know this band, Air Supply? They're terrific. [sings] ♫ I'm all out of love ♫ ♫ I'm so lost without you ♫ ♫ I know you were right ♫ ♫ Believing... ♫

Dr. Linkletter: Well, I'm here to convince you to come back to the university. A mind like yours needs to be working on the advancement of science.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, I did that for 50 years. Now I'm content just keeping these cucumbers crunchy.
Dr. Linkletter: But exciting new things are happening in string theory. Don't you want to be a part of that?
Dr. John Sturgis: Wasting years scrambling away at the academic hamster wheel? Constantly worried that your life's work is just one big dead end?
Dr. Linkletter: Sure, some paths of research may not pan out, but we still have to try, right?
Dr. John Sturgis: Do we?
Dr. Linkletter: Of course.
Dr. John Sturgis: I don't know. Einstein spent the last 30 years of his life on the grand unified field theory and got nowhere.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, I wouldn't say nowhere, but I suppose he never did crack it.
Dr. John Sturgis: And to this day, no one has.
Dr. Linkletter: True.
Dr. John Sturgis: In fact, most of his major accomplishments occurred when he was a young man, which you and I most certainly are not. [chuckles]
Dr. Linkletter: Sometimes I look in the mirror and I think, "Who is that?"
Dr. John Sturgis: Would you like to give these cucumbers a spritz?
Dr. Linkletter: No, thank you. Do you sell liquor here?

George Jr.: [o.s.] Did you like school?
Dale: Hated it. I quit and I joined the Army.
George Jr.: [o.s.] How was that?
Dale: Less girls, more getting shot at.
George Jr.: [enters] Well, at least you made it out alive.
Dale: Well, then I got married. Made me kind of miss getting shot at.
George Jr.: Have you ever been happy?
Dale: Ooh, let's see. No.