Mary: It's not just bookkeeping. I'd be in charge of handling the maintenance issues you know, plumbing, electric, what have you. And I'd also head the planning committee for all the social events, which, of course, includes the big three: baptisms, weddings, funerals. And here is the cherry on top. The sign in front of the church with all the clever sayings-
George: "Be an organ donor, give your heart to Jesus"?
Mary: Exactly. Guess whose job it would be to write those.
George: Yours.
Mary: Already working on a couple. Listen to this. "The best vitamin for a Christian is B1."
George: What?
Mary: You know, be one. Like be a Christian. And also B1 the vitamin.
George: Well, now that you explained it, it's funny.
Mary: Yeah. Might be a thinker. But there's a lot more where that came from.

Pastor Jeff: And now George's loving wife Mary would like to say a few words. Mary.
Mary: Thank you, Pastor Jeff. Um... [clears throat] I met George in high school. Well, I was in high school. He was an older man with a motorcycle. [light laughter] I'd like to tell you he caught my eye, but actually it was the motorcycle. [laughter] [voice breaking] I'm sorry, I can't... do this. I am... so angry. [sighs] George and I had our ups and downs, but we were finally in such a good place, and then he... left. [crying] He left all of us. I- How could you do that? [Meemaw stands up] I am so mad at him. I'm mad at God, I'm mad at myself for not trying harder while he was here. [Meemaw goes up to Mary] This wasn't supposed to happen. [Mary sobs] [Meemaw hugs Mary] [Georgie hugs a crying Missy]

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Georgie: Thanks for waking me up.
Mary: I woke you up 40 minutes ago.
Georgie: Well, you didn't do a very good job.

Mary: Well, I am happy to report that my potato salad is once again the hit of the potluck.
George: That's great, honey.
Mary: I feel bad for Pam Staples. No one's touching her potato salad.
Sheldon: If you feel bad, then why are you smiling?
Meemaw: 'Cause sometimes your mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.

Meemaw: I'm in the prime of my life. I got my water aerobics and my salsa dancing and my bowling league.
Mary: But you love your grandchildren.
Meemaw: I love ice cream, too, but I don't want to eat it from 3:00 to 6:00 five days a week.
Mary: Well, I'm very disappointed.
Meemaw: And I'm fine with that.