George Jr.: So I'll pick you up in the morning?
Wade: Well, not too early. I have to walk Mitzy.
George Jr.: Your dog?
Wade: The wife. She got a new hip, and the doc says she needs to keep it moving.

George Jr.: Wade's coming with me to Mexico.
Meemaw: Why?
George Jr.: It's a long drive. And he knows a little Spanish.
Wade: Sí.
Meemaw: Okay.
Meemaw: [Spanish: "Where will you buy cigarettes?"]
Wade: ¿Sí?
Meemaw: [whispers] You're gonna get yourself killed.
George Jr.: I got no choice. I got a kid coming.
Meemaw: If you're hell-bent on going to Mexico, I'm going with you.
Wade: Shotgun.
Meemaw: You are not coming, Wade. ¿Comprende?
Wade: Sí.

Mary: Hey, good news. I was picking up some groceries at Davidson's. They're hiring.
George Sr.: Yeah, well, good for you.
Mary: I got an application for you, too.
George Sr.: I'm not working at a supermarket, Mary.
Mary: Why not?
George Sr.: 'Cause I was head coach of the high school football team. I'm not bagging people's groceries.
Mary: It's an honest job, George.
George Sr.: It's embarrassing.
Mary: It's embarrassing to provide for your family?
George Sr.: It's embarrassing that I busted my ass all these years, and this is where I am.
Mary: I'm right there with you. I lost my job, too.
George Sr.: Yeah, it's exactly the same.
Mary: You know what you are? I'm not gonna say it, but you know.

[After Sheldon wakes up from his dream, he sits up in bed and uses his rope/pulley system to knock on Missy's bedroom wall.]
Missy: [over walkie-talkie] I hate you. This better be an emergency.
Sheldon: My pimple has me concerned about the future.
Missy: Not an emergency. Good night.
Sheldon: But we're twins and we have a special bond, so you can't ignore me in my time of need.
Missy: Watch me.
Sheldon: And I'm scared.
Missy: Damn it.

Sheldon: How does the future not concern you?
Missy: I guess there's stuff I'm looking forward to.
Sheldon: Like what?
Missy: Going on dates?
Sheldon: Boring.
Missy: Driving.
Sheldon: Scary.
Missy: Getting married. Hopefully to Vanilla Ice.
Sheldon: You want to marry a snow cone?

Mary: How was your day?
George Sr.: Awful.
Mary: Oh. Well... I have good news.
George Sr.: I could use it.
Mary: I got a job at the bowling alley.
George Sr.: [gulps] Working with Brenda?
Mary: Every day. [phone rings]
George Sr.: That is... really... really good news.
Mary: Mm-hmm.

Adult Sheldon: My sister encouraged me to embrace adolescence as a journey of scientific discovery. I stood before a whole new teenage world of music, slang words and even clothing styles. [Sheldon removes a red Flash t-shirt] Pretty groovy, huh?
[Sheldon stands in front of his bedroom mirror wearing the red Flash t-shirt over a blue undershirt]
Sheldon: Wow, I might look too cool.

Professor Boucher: You wanted to see me, ma'am?
President Hagemeyer: Professor. I understand you locked Sheldon out of class.
Professor Boucher: Well, he was late. That's my policy.
President Hagemeyer: I need you to do me a favor.
Professor Boucher: Yes?
President Hagemeyer: Tell me exactly what his face looked like when it happened.
Professor Boucher: Wh... Seriously?
President Hagemeyer: Oh... Paint me a picture. I want to feel like I was the one who closed that door.
Professor Boucher: Oh, I'm gonna sit for this. Okay, so he approached the door with that smug look he has.
President Hagemeyer: Ugh. I know it well.
Professor Boucher: Then, when he realized it was locked, his face fell into shock and disbelief.
President Hagemeyer: [laughs] Nice. Uh, show me. Do the face. [chuckles] [laughs] Oh, sir, you have turned my frown upside down.
Professor Boucher: You are welcome, ma'am. [laughs]

Sheldon: I'm sorry, Pete. You were saying?
Pete: Any chance your bread was past the expiration date?
Sheldon: No, it was brand-new. But I did a taste comparison after it was bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation, and they are definitely not the same.
Pete: Well, I can assure you that, "the recent acquisition by the Domestic Food Corporation has not affected the quality of our products in any way. Every single bread, baked good, and pastry is made with love. From our hearth to your home."
Sheldon: Then why does it taste different, Pete? Why?
Pete: Well, because now we make everything really cheap and fast. Bye.

Billy Sparks: Uh, hello, Mr. Cooper. Is Missy home?
George Sr.: Hello, Billy. No, she's at church.
Billy Sparks: I brought her eggs from my chickens.
George Sr.: I see that.
Billy Sparks: You can boil them or scramble them.
George Sr.: Okay.
Billy Sparks: I like fried.
George Sr.: Okay.
Billy Sparks: I don't like poached.
George Sr.: Okay. Thank you for your time. [hands over the eggs]
Billy Sparks: Okay.

Sheldon: Mom!
Meemaw: Ah. There they are!
Mary: Hey. Oh.
Meemaw: Ha! I lost the little rascals in the hall.

Sheldon: I'm trying to sleep.
Paige: Come inside and play with us.
Missy: Don't invite him. This is a girls fort, not an old man fort.
Sheldon: I'm not an old man.
Paige: Then come inside.
Sheldon: Are you crazy? It's bedtime.
Missy: Old man.

Sheldon: Dad, would you care for a piece of gum?
George Sr.: No, thank you.
Sheldon: Please, take a piece of gum.
George Sr.: Why?
Sheldon: Just please. Bazinga.

Sheldon: I must admit, after the breakup, I was worried, but now that Dr. Sturgis and Dad are friends, we'll be seeing even more of him.
Missy: How do we see less of him?
Mary: That is not nice.
Missy: Sorry, but I'm on Meemaw's side. She got me a two-piece bathing suit.

George Sr.: Missy, give us a minute.
Missy: No, I want to hear.
Dale: Look, sweetheart, I just think it's great you want to be on the team, but these boys are gonna eat you alive.
Missy: I'm not afraid of them.
Dale: Well, maybe you should be.

Mary: I just want to remind you both to please be sensitive about the situation with Paige's family.
Missy: She's talking to you, dingus.
Mary: Both of you.

Mary: I know you don't want to talk, and that's fine. You can just listen. Life is hard enough if you make good decisions, but if you make bad ones, it gets even harder.
George Jr.: Nothin' was gonna happen with Jana.
Mary: Georgie-
George Jr.: No! You always assume the worst with me. I'm sorry you were a perfect kid and I'm just a screwup.
Mary: You are not a screwup. And I was not a perfect kid.
George Jr.: Oh, what'd you do, sleep through church one mornin'?
Mary: For your information I used to skip class so that I could drink beer in my boyfriend's truck.
George Jr.: Dad had a truck back then?
Mary: Not talkin' about your dad.
Mary: I also stole your meemaw's car and crashed it into a ditch.
George Jr.: Really? With that boyfriend who wasn't Dad?
Mary: Missin' the point!

Adult Sheldon: In the face of a chaotic world, we all seek comfort in different ways. Some turn to a higher power.
Mary: Lord, please protect my family, keep them in your hands. All my cares, all my worries, all my fears for them...
Adult Sheldon: Some take refuge in fictitious worlds.
Spock: [on TV] My congratulations, Captain. A dazzling display of logic.
Captain Kirk: [on TV] You didn't think I had it in me, did you, Spock?
Spock: [on TV] No, sir.
["Learning to Fly" by Tom Petty playing]
Sheldon: So great.
Adult Sheldon: And one person I know relied on lighter fluid and a match.
Missy: That's right, burn.
Mary: What are you doing?!
Missy: Moving on.
Mary: From what?

Missy: What if Georgie moves into the garage?
George Jr.: Why?
Missy: You'd still be around, so Mom's happy, but you'd be out of the house, so Dad's happy.
George Jr.: That could work. What do you say?
George Sr.: Done.
George Jr.: Done.

Adult Sheldon: Once I was on the lookout for liars, I saw them everywhere.
William Shatner: [on TV] ...absolutely necessary.
Sheldon: You're not a captain. You're just an actor. Which is another word for liar.
William Shatner: [on TV] And nothing... is more important than my ship.
Sheldon: He's so darn good at it, though.