Popular Quotes

Quote from the episode Pilot

Pastor: In Matthew nine, verse four, Jesus said, "Why would you entertain evil thoughts in your hearts?"
Sheldon: Do you have evil thoughts?
Mary: Ssh.
Sheldon: I just don't think this part applies to me.
Mary: That's fine. Be quiet and listen.
Sheldon: I'm only nine years old. Most evil doesn't start till puberty.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Per the student dress and grooming code, this boy's hair is too long. This boy's wearing sports attire outside a designated area. And this girl's blouse is diaphanous, which means I can see her brassiere.

Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Sheldon: Hello. Yes, you can help me, Dorothy Fitzpatrick. I'm interested in taking out a second mortgage. I'm nine years old. Why do you ask? That's called age discrimination, Dorothy, but I'm willing to let it slide. I'm glad you find me cute, but I'm deadly serious. I need funds to buy a computer. No, the house isn't in my name. I'm nine. We've established this. I do prepare the taxes for my parents, and if we tighten our belts, we'll have sufficient equity for the loan.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: You understand that some people are going to be intimidated by you, because of how smart you are?
Sheldon: Or maybe they'll recognize my intellect and make me their leader.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: How about we lose the bow-tie?
Sheldon: Why?
Mary: Look around, honey. No of the other kids are wearing one.
Sheldon: Well, perhaps I'll start a fad.

Quote from the episode A Dog, a Squirrel, and a Fish Named Fish

Brenda Sparks: Well, I'm sorry, but you shouldn't be inferring there's something wrong with my Billy.
Meemaw: Darlin', there's no inferring. I've seen the boy sitting in the dirt eating his own belly button lint.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: You're sitting in my spot.
Tam: Why is it your spot?
Sheldon: It's complicated. Just move.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

George Jr.: So, Vietnam, like in Rambo.
Tam: Yes.
George Jr.: That's a cool movie.
Tam: Yes.
George Jr.: Are you in it?
Tam: No.

Quote from the episode Rockets, Communists, and the Dewey Decimal System

Mary: All right, Tam. I decided I was gonna make you a real Texas dinner. Barbecued chicken and brisket.
Tam: Thank you.
Mary: Well, I figured you were probably tired of stuff wiggling around on your plate.

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

George Sr.: If we take him to a shrink, it feels like we're admitting something's wrong with him.
Mary: He hasn't had solid food in five weeks.
Meemaw: Well, if there is something wrong with him, it ain't constipation.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Missy: All I know is, he's not in the same grade as me any more. And I'm thrilled.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Adult Sheldon: That was the first time I held my father's hand. I wouldn't touch my brother's hand until seventeen years later, thanks to the invention of Purell.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Ms. MacElroy: What?
Sheldon: Also in violation of the grooming code on page 48, article five, subsection B, you have a bit of a mustache.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: I was exploring dimensional kinematics.
George Jr.: Admit it. He's adopted.
Sheldon: How can I be adopted when I have a twin sister? Think, monkey, think.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Adult Sheldon: Jane Goodall had to go to Africa to study apes. I just had to go to dinner.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Mary: Lord, look after my son. Don't let him get stuffed in a gym bag.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Missy: Why can't we watch Duck Tales?
Sheldon: Because we don't learn anything.
Missy: It's TV! We aren't supposed to learn.

Quote from the episode Killer Asteroids, Oklahoma, and a Frizzy Hair Machine

George Sr.: You don't always win in life, he needs to learn that.
Mary: I know, but these are big feelings for a little boy.
George Sr.: They're feelings everybody has. It's part of growing up.
Mary: I guess.
Sheldon: Poodle poop!
Meemaw: Okay. Somebody's got to teach this kid to swear, it's embarrassing.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: (Observing the older kids outside the High School) Oh dear.