George Sr.: How'd Pastor Jeff take it?
Mary: I didn't tell him. I told Pastor Rob.
George Sr.: Of course.
Mary: What's that mean?
George Sr.: Nothing.
Mary: What?
George Sr.: Just seems like you talk to Pastor Rob a lot.
Mary: [scoffs; chuckles] Well, we work together. You talk to Wayne.
George Sr.: Sure. And what did Pastor Rob say?
Mary: Actually, it was helpful. He pointed out that I was putting people before God and that I shouldn't worry about what the congregation thinks.
George Sr.: So, exactly what I said.
Mary: All you said was, "Who cares?"
George Sr.: Next time, I'll stick God in there so you pay attention.

Missy: Hey.
George Sr.: Where were you?
Missy: Talking to Georgie.
Mary: He okay?
Missy: We laughed, we cried. It was nice.

Danny: I'll say it to your face. Your brother's going to hell.
Missy: No, he's not.
Sheldon: Primarily because hell isn't real.
Danny: My mom said they should kick your whole family out of the church.
Missy: How about I kick your ass.
Danny: I'd like to see you try.
Billy Sparks: How about I help her?
Sheldon: How about I go get Pastor Rob?
Missy: Say one more thing about my family and see what happens.
Danny: Y'all are white trash.
Pastor Rob: [enters] Whoa, what's going on here?
[Missy slugs Danny]

Pastor Jeff: Pastor Rob should be here any minute.
George Sr.: Maybe if he was in the classroom when he was supposed to be, none of this would've happened.
Mary: You can't blame him for Missy punching someone.
George Sr.: If he was there to shut that kid up, Missy wouldn't have had to.
Pastor Jeff: Sunday school is no place for violence. The boy's parents are very upset.
George Sr.: Yeah, well so am I.

George Sr.: Hey, don't you move. What are you watching?
Missy: MTV.
George Sr.: Watch MTV.
Mary: George.
George Sr.: I'm not punishing her for doing the right thing.
Mary: Violence is never the right thing.
George Sr.: I'm sorry, are we in California?
Mary: Ugh!
[As Mary leaves, George turns to look at the music video playing on the TV]
George Sr.: Turn that off.

Mary: Oh! [coughs] Uh, Pastor Rob.
Pastor Rob: [short chuckle] You okay?
Mary: Um... swallowed a Tic Tac. [coughs]
Pastor Rob: Well, I can barely smell the smoke at all.

Mandy: Okay... marital status. Single.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Mind your own business.
Mandy: Name of father. I can't write "Georgie," it sounds like he's 11.
Meemaw: George Marshall Cooper.
Mandy: Marshall? I didn't know that.
Meemaw: Isn't it nice he can still surprise you? [chuckles]

George Jr.: I knew it.
Meemaw: What are you doing here?
George Jr.: What are you doing here?
Mandy: I asked her to be here.
George Jr.: So, her and not me?
Mandy: Yeah.
Meemaw: [to a couple] Don't make me come over there.

Meemaw: How did you follow me?
George Jr.: Wasn't hard. You can see that yellow Toyota from outer space.
Meemaw: It is a Mazda.
George Jr.: This is my baby, too. I think I should be a part of this.
Meemaw: You did your part, now git.

George Jr.: Mandy, please. I want to help.
Mandy: He can stay.
George Jr.: Thanks. What can I do?
Mandy: Nothing.
George Jr.: I can do that.

Mary: I just can't believe the church turned its back on us.
Pastor Rob: The church may have, but God didn't.
Mary: [sighs] I don't feel His presence right now.
Pastor Rob: Well, let's invite Him to join us.
Mary: Oh, ok-okay. [they hold hands]
Pastor Rob: Heavenly Father, we ask for Your guidance in these troubled times. Please, watch over Mary Cooper and her family, let her know that though this unborn child is out of wedlock, he or she is a miracle in Your creation and should be celebrated as such. Amen.
Mary: Amen.
Missy: [through the window] What's going on here?
Mary: Uh, uh, praying, we're praying. [lets go of Rob's hands]
Pastor Rob: Just praying.

Mary: Why aren't you in school?
Missy: You told me not to punch anyone else, so I left.
Mary: Well... go to your room.

Principal Petersen: I know I'm opening myself up for cheap shots, but I'm thinking about getting a rug.
Coach Wilkins: Oh, they're called hair systems now. My brother just got one. He went from bald to Rick James like that.
Principal Petersen: I'm just trying to get back out there with the ladies. Wouldn't hurt having something up here, you know, for them to hold on to.
Coach Wilkins: Good for you. Although the right gal wouldn't care.
Principal Petersen: Says the man who doesn't have to put sunblock on his head. [both laugh]

Mary: Oh, Pastor Rob dropped by.
George Sr.: Why?
Mary: Just seeing how we were doing.
George Sr.: You mean to see how you were doing.
Mary: [sighs] What's that supposed to mean?
George Sr.: Come on, Mary, you... you're not fooling anybody.
Mary: We were just praying.
[Missy is listening to the conversation from the hallway]
George Sr.: Is that what we're calling it?
Mary: Yes, because that's what it was.
George Sr.: All right. I've had enough of this.
Mary: Where are you going? I'm making dinner. [phone ringing]
George Sr.: Yeah, well, maybe Pastor Rob'll eat it. [exits]
Mary: George!

Mary: Georgie, how was your day?
George Jr.: Pretty good, actually. Me and Mandy went to the baby doctor.
Missy: She actually wanted you there?
George Jr.: Not at first, but I wore her down.

Sheldon: What is that? A bug bite?
[fantasy: a man (Penn Gillette) addresses the camera from a large chair:]
A.V.: Hello, allow me to introduce myself. I am Acne Vulgarus. More commonly known as the pimple. Frankly, neither name paints a very pretty picture, but such is the life of a pustule. [a smaller man (Teller) is seated on a stool] And this is my longtime colleague, Pus. Now, we're usually associated with, uh, ugliness and discomfort, but I would argue we're actually a symbol of growth. In this case, Sheldon Cooper's ascent... or descent... into adulthood. Kind of a signpost that says, "You are now entering puberty." [Pus holds up a sign reading exactly that] Yeah, like that.

Mary: Doesn't look like a bug bite.
Missy: It's probably a pimple.
Sheldon: It's not, I don't get those.
[fantasy: A.V. continues to address the camera from his chair, while Pus is blowing up a balloon while seated on a stool:]
A.V.: As you might expect, we pimples are not very fond of popping things, but I was about to burst this young man's bubble. [Pus pops the balloon]
[reality:]
Missy: Oh, yeah, that's a zit.
Sheldon: No, it's not. My hygiene is impeccable.
Missy: Zit.
Mary: Everybody gets 'em sooner or later, baby.
Sheldon: I'm not everybody.
[fantasy:]
A.V.: No one is ever happy to see me. My therapist says that's their problem, not mine. [Pus rolls his eyes] But, honestly, it hurts. [Pus makes a mocking gesture] Pus? This is supposed to be a safe space. [Pus continues mocking A.V.]

Wade: I'll take a beer.
George Jr.: Celebrating a win?
Wade: No, I've been losing all morning.
George Jr.: Couple more of them, you won't give a crap.
Wade: Let's hope.

Mary: What are you doing home?
George Sr.: I quit my job.
Mary: What? Why?
George Sr.: The school offered it to Wayne. I wasn't gonna sit around waiting to get fired.
Mary: Oh. You doing okay?
George Sr.: No, Mary, not really. We're standing here without jobs in a house we're not done paying for.
Mary: Well, you're still working at Ballard's, right?
George Sr.: That ain't gonna cover the mortgage.
Mary: We've been through tough spots before. We'll figure it out and... I know you don't want to hear it, but I've been praying on this...
George Sr.: You're right. I don't want to hear it.

Mary: Yeah, we could sit here and sulk or we can find jobs. Now, pick up that pen and start circling.
George Sr.: All right. Let's see what we have here.
Mary: Here's one. Oh. College degree required.
George Sr.: Hmm. Eh... I can't type.
Mary: I can.
George Sr.: 90 words a minute?
Mary: Let's keep looking. In fact, I bet I find a job faster than you can.
George Sr.: We'll see about that.