Mary: I know you don't want to talk, and that's fine. You can just listen. Life is hard enough if you make good decisions, but if you make bad ones, it gets even harder.
George Jr.: Nothin' was gonna happen with Jana.
Mary: Georgie-
George Jr.: No! You always assume the worst with me. I'm sorry you were a perfect kid and I'm just a screwup.
Mary: You are not a screwup. And I was not a perfect kid.
George Jr.: Oh, what'd you do, sleep through church one mornin'?
Mary: For your information I used to skip class so that I could drink beer in my boyfriend's truck.
George Jr.: Dad had a truck back then?
Mary: Not talkin' about your dad.
Mary: I also stole your meemaw's car and crashed it into a ditch.
George Jr.: Really? With that boyfriend who wasn't Dad?
Mary: Missin' the point!

Sheldon: Regardless, I'm not interested in making any more friends.
Mary: Oh, I don't think that's how you really feel.
Sheldon: It is. From now on, it's a hermit's life for me.
Mary: I bet, when you grow up, you will be surrounded by lots of smart, wonderful friends.
Sheldon: I can't see that happening.

Sheldon: Mom, when should I be expecting my testicles?
Woman: [turns around] What is wrong with him?
Mary: Nothing is wrong with him. Now turn around before I knock your lights out.
Sheldon: Hello.

Mary: Sheldon Lee Cooper, if you don't finish that pork chop, I swear I will chew it up and spit it in your mouth like a mama bird.
Missy: Do it, Mom. Do it.

Sheldon: Dad, the university offered to pay for us to go to California! They're even putting us up in a hotel.
George Sr.: You're kidding.
Missy: We're going to California?
Sheldon: No, just me and Dad.
Missy: That's fair. I'm so happy for you.
Adult Sheldon: Sometimes sarcasm was laid on so thick even I could detect it.
Sheldon: Thanks!
Adult Sheldon: This was not one of those times.

Sheldon: Dad, good news. Airline tickets to California are more affordable than you think.
George Sr.: Sheldon, we're not going.
Mary: What's all this about?
Sheldon: Stephen Hawking is giving a lecture at Caltech. If we leave on Wednesday and are willing to make four layovers, in Boise, Denver, Albuquerque and Fargo, we can get there for only $95 each.

George Sr.: I have a job. I can't just leave in the middle of the week.
Sheldon: Well, then what about Mom?
Mary: Sorry, Shelly, we're not in a position to do this.
Sheldon: But Stephen Hawking's my hero. Imagine if you got a chance to see Jesus or Dad got to meet the man who invented beer.