Sheldon: How was your anniversary date with Dr. Sturgis?
Meemaw: You knew about that?
Sheldon: Yes.
Meemaw: So you knew he was gonna propose?
Sheldon: Propose? No, that's wonderful. Although, it's a little disconcerting he didn't tell me. I thought we were closer than that.

Sheldon: So what's the plan? How will I be entertained all day?
Mary: I thought you could be my little helper.
Sheldon: I prefer executive assistant. Carries more weight.

Peg: Hey, little man. How you doing?
Sheldon: You smell like cigarettes.
Peg: You're fun.
Sheldon: Do you know what this binder is?
Peg: It's a record of donations people make to the church.
Sheldon: This data could easily be transferred into a computerized spreadsheet. Why isn't it?
Peg: No idea.
Sheldon: You also smell like mothballs and Ben-Gay. [Peg turns and walks away] Bye.

Sheldon: Oh, hello, is this the Nelson residence? Oh, good. I'm Sheldon Cooper, the executive assistant secretary at the First Baptist Church of Medford. I'm looking through our donation records, and I've noticed that you've tapered off a bit. Well, yes, your children's education is expensive, but so is running a church. Oh, boy! I'll be sure to tell the pastor. Goodbye. [hangs up phone] That earned a sip of Yoo-hoo.

Sheldon: Good morning, Medford High School, this is Class President Sheldon Cooper with an important science bulletin. This Wednesday morning, the Nobel Prize in Physics will be announced, and I'd like to invite each and every one of you to my garage to listen live at 5:00 a.m. and be a part of scientific history. Food and refreshments will be served-

Dr. Linkletter: Uh, Sheldon, if you're interested, an old friend of mine is giving a lecture next week on the mathematics of robotic communication.
Sheldon: Really?
Dr. Linkletter: Yes. If your grandmother's willing to drive you, maybe we can all go. Make a night of it.
Sheldon: Oh, we'll be there.
Meemaw: Uh-uh-uh, wait, we-we don't even know what night it is.
Dr. Linkletter: Thursday.
Meemaw: Oh. Thursday might be a problem for me.
Sheldon: Thursday's perfect for you.
Dr. Linkletter: Wonderful.
Meemaw: You don't know that.
Sheldon: Yes, I do. Mondays you have bowling, Tuesday's water aerobics, Wednesday, salsa dancing, Fridays, you bring me here. Your Thursday was wide open, but not anymore. We'll see you then.

Dr. Linkletter: [answering phone] Grant Linkletter.
Sheldon: [whispering] This is Sheldon Cooper. I'm speaking quietly because I'm calling from a library.
Dr. Linkletter: [whispering] Hello, Sheldon. Nice to hear from you.
Sheldon: Why are you whispering? Are you in a library?
Dr. Linkletter: Good point. [clears throat, speaks normally:] How can I help you?
Sheldon: My meemaw doesn't want to take me to the lecture because she thinks that you're just using me to spend time with her.
Dr. Linkletter: I see. Well, you're an intelligent young man. What do you think?
Sheldon: I think she's wrong, and you invited me because you know I appreciate the subject matter.
Dr. Linkletter: Exactly right. You're even smarter than I thought.
Sheldon: I knew it. [to Tam] My meemaw couldn't be more wrong.
Kid: Shh!
Sheldon: Oh, like you were reading a book anyway.

Sheldon: Did you have tuna for lunch or do you just smell like that all the time?
Clara: What?
Sheldon: Did you have tuna for lunch or do you smell like I heard it.
Clara: I'm just wondering who raised you.
Sheldon: My mother and father, and I suppose my meemaw.
Clara: Well, they don't seem like they're doing a great job.
Sheldon: Tell me about it. It's been quite the week.
Clara: I'm sure I'll regret this, but how so?
Sheldon: Before I tell you the story, how much do you know about the mathematics of robotic communication? That's okay. I'll put it into terms a bus lady can understand. There's a wide range of protocols used for inter-robotic...

Sheldon: I think you all understand why I wanted to show you this.
George: No.
Sheldon: It's an apology. I was the miners, you were the Horta.
Meemaw: How about just saying, "I'm sorry"?
Sheldon: Wow, you're really not getting this. Let's watch it again.

Sheldon: I'm so used to thinking about science, I'm not sure how to make myself stop. As soon as I think about not thinking about it, I'm thinking about it.
Meemaw: Well, why don't you just think about something else?
Sheldon: Like what?
Meemaw: I don't know. Read a comic book?
Sheldon: How do you think the spider that bit Peter Parker got radioactive? Science. How do you think Bruce Banner got exposed to gamma rays? Science.
Meemaw: All right.
Sheldon: When the Green Goblin flies-
Meemaw: I said all right.
Sheldon: Science.

Sheldon: I've tried a few different activities, but whatever I do just leads me back to science.
Ms. Hutchins: Well, let's think about it. What's the opposite of science?
Sheldon: Science is based in facts, and the opposite of facts is fiction.
Ms. Hutchins: How about fantasy?
Sheldon: Magic and dragons.
Ms. Hutchins: We have a whole section here.
Sheldon: Ooh, that sounds intellectually bankrupt. I'll give it a shot.

Sheldon: The timeline doesn't make sense. I mean, it lists Samwise Gamgee's birth year as both 2963 and 2980.
Ms. Hutchins: Maybe he lied about his age.
Sheldon: Why?
Ms. Hutchins: I don't know. Maybe he thinks his neck makes him look older than he is.
Sheldon: But he's only in his 30s. That's young.
Ms. Hutchins: Thank you.
Sheldon: For a hobbit. For a human, that's mommy-age.
Ms. Hutchins: Thank you.

Sheldon: Mom. Mom.
Mary: What's wrong?
Sheldon: I was Gollum and Smeagol and I was in a cave fighting with myself over physics and hobbits. And then I realized that even though physics is frustrating, it won't turn me into a tormented creature who bites the heads off fish. Okay, good night.
George: [to Mary] I've been doing a great job with Missy. This one's on you.

Sheldon: Mom, will Dr. Sturgis be coming over again?
Mary: Oh. Um, I don't know.
Sheldon: He should. We had so much fun talking about the mental hospital, we barely got to talk about science.
Mary: Well, I don't know what his plans are.
Sheldon: Is Meemaw coming for dinner tonight?
Mary: No. She is busy.
Sheldon: With Dr. Sturgis? Maybe I can join them. All my fun facts make me a welcome addition to any dinner date.

Sheldon: There's my favorite fire exit. Very well marked.
Mary: Nice.
Sheldon: Ooh. See that little step stool? They didn't have that before I got here.
Mary: Very impressive.
Sheldon: I know. And this is where I take my quantum field theory class. Those are my college classmates. I would tell you their names, but most of them won't make it to Christmas.