Sheldon: For your information, not only am I going to show you up today, I've also prepared some biblical trash talk.
Paige: What is he talking about?
Missy: He stayed up all night studying.
Paige: Why?
Sheldon: To beat you at Bible trivia. Just like the prophets of mercy beat the priestly cult and its emphasis on ritual purity.
Paige: Was that the trash talk?
Sheldon: [scoffs] Was Zacchaeus a tax collector? Was Nicodemus a Pharisee?
Missy: Just hit him.

Mary: Shelly, you feeling all right?
Sheldon: Yes.
Mary: How come you're not dressed?
Sheldon: Why should I?
Mary: 'Cause you're gonna be late for school.
Sheldon: I'm not going to school.
Mary: Why not?
Sheldon: Because I don't know what's real.
Mary: What does that mean?
Sheldon: Dreaming and waking, life and death, philosophers and butterflies, they're all the same. Nothing matters.
Mary: That's an interesting way of looking at things. George?

Dr. Linkletter: [answers phone] Hello?
Sheldon: Can I be your lab assistant?
Dr. Linkletter: What time is it?
Sheldon: That's not a no.
Dr. Linkletter: If I say yes, will you please stop hounding me?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Dr. Linkletter: Fine. You win. Good night.
Sheldon: Just out of scientific curiosity, were you persuaded by the disorienting nature of this late-night phone call or by the cumulative weight of my relentlessness?
Dr. Linkletter: That one. [hangs up]
Adult Sheldon: I learned an important lesson that night. When you want something, relentlessly annoying is your road to victory.

Sheldon: Why are you taking that down?
Missy: It's time to grow up.
Sheldon: Leave it there.
Missy: You don't even like Cyndi Lauper.
Sheldon: No, but it's part of my daily routine. Every morning I wake up, look over there and wonder, "Why is she standing like this?"
Missy: Too bad. It's my room.
Sheldon: It's my room, too.
Missy: Yeah, and I don't get a say in any of your stupid posters.
Sheldon: These are the smartest men who ever lived, so if anyone's stupid, it's you for saying that.
Missy: Shut up!
Sheldon: You're very irritable. This might be why you're having boy problems.

Sheldon: Although I do think Missy should stay in school.
Missy: You think everyone should stay in school.
Sheldon: Well, I understand why someone like Georgie would rather work, but if you drop out, I think you would regret it.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: Historically, women in the workplace have been undervalued. You don't want to make it easier for people to do that to you.
Mary: He's right.

Sheldon: I thought you were good at this.
Missy: I was. Coach Dale says I have the yips.
Sheldon: [covers mouth] It's not contagious, is it?
Missy: No, it happens in sports. Suddenly you can't do a thing that used to be easy.
Sheldon: It doesn't sound real.
Missy: Then why can't I pitch anymore?
Sheldon: Ooh, perhaps it's the onset of puberty and the hysterical mood swings that go with it.
Missy: Dingus, house.
Sheldon: You're only proving my point.

Sheldon: How are you today?
Sam: Since when do you care?
Sheldon: 12:07 yesterday. In light of the fact that we're both human beings and have a genetic interest in each other's prosperity, you may use my dorm room to study.
Sam: Wait, are you serious? That would be amazing.
Sheldon: Good. And does that make you feel more positive about me, less positive, or neutral?
Sam: Um, more, I guess.
Sheldon: Excellent.
Adult Sheldon: Dr. Sturgis may have been onto something. It did feel nice to be liked. Not as nice as knowing you're the smartest boy in Texas, but what was?

Sheldon: Oh. Says here Fort Stockton is home to the world's largest roadrunner statue, which is the stuff of nightmares. But they do have a restroom.

Darren: Do you play D&D?
Paige: No. I actually just sit in my dorm room and study because I have no friends.
Darren: That's a bummer.
Paige: Yeah. I think I'm gonna go. [exits]
Sheldon: Bye.
Darren: You should go after her.
Sheldon: Why? She's a bummer, you just said so.

Sheldon: Can you settle an argument? I said you're fine. Darren and Oscar said you're not fine.
Paige: [scoffs] Why wouldn't I be fine? I'm completely alone, and the one person I thought would understand is having the time of his life.
Sheldon: So... just to clarify...?
Paige: They're right, you're wrong.
Sheldon: Dang it.

Sheldon: I thought you were going back to Austin?
Paige: Uh, I'm not going back. I'm gonna drop out.
Sheldon: What? Where will you go?
Paige: I was thinking here, in your dorm.
Sheldon: Here?
Paige: Well, I mean, just for a couple days until I can figure out how to tell my mom.
Sheldon: I don't know.
Paige: Please? I don't have anywhere else to go, and... as embarrassing as this is to admit... you're the only person who can help me right now.
Sheldon: [sighs] Okay.
Paige: Thanks.
Sheldon: It's the least I can do. My life is going so much better than yours.

Sheldon: How long does it take to grow a mustache?

Sheldon: Ooh, Volvo... safe and flashy. Like me.
President Hagemeyer: Sheldon... I haven't had my coffee yet.
Sheldon: I thought you might say that.
President Hagemeyer: Thank you. [drinks]
Sheldon: I'm not a coffee drinker. I hope you like seven sugars.

Mei-Tung: Try again.
Sheldon: Oh, I see the problem. This is stupid. You can't just invent dimensions. There's this one [gestures vertically for height], this one [gestures horizontally for width] and this one [gestures back to front for depth].
Mei-Tung: You forgot the dimension of time.
[Sheldon holds out his hand so Mei-Tung can slap it with her pencil]
Sheldon: Ow. Thank you.

Sheldon: What's that A-sub-one-variable? It's undefined.
Joaquin: It's defined in the previous subroutine.
Sheldon: Oh, my. That is elegant.
Evan: We don't use the word "elegant."
Sheldon: Why? What's wrong with it?
Joaquin: Well, last semester, I invited a girl to my room to look at my elegant coding, and... she called the police, so...
Sheldon: Understood.