Sheldon Quotes

Quote from the episode Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting

Sheldon: [knocking] Missy?
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Sometimes I imagine that I'm an ion with a positive charge and they're an ion with a negative charge. It's so that whatever they say bounces off me and sticks to them.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Sheldon: Starting today, I'm done helping the football team.
Tam: But if you do that, girls will no longer greet me like this. [head
Sheldon: I'll greet you like that.
Tam: It's not the same.

Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Dr. Hodges: Anything else?
Sheldon: Yes. I'd like a glass of water. It's time to take my Zantac.

Quote from the episode A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run

George Jr.: This is really good, Meemaw.
Meemaw: Really good? You're spitting the best brisket in Texas all over the damn table.
Mary: Close your mouth when you eat.
Sheldon: Or aim your face the other way.

Quote from the episode Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero

Sheldon: Oh dear, Big Bird.

Quote from the episode A Race of Superhumans and a Letter to Alf

George Sr.: Y-Your mom's at church. W-What do you want for dinner?
Sheldon: I believe you know what I want for dinner.
George Sr.: Is that right?
Sheldon: It's Thursday. What does Mom always make me on Thursdays?
George Sr.: Spaghetti and hot dogs?
Sheldon: [to the camera] Socrates. Got to love him.

Quote from the episode A Tummy Ache and a Whale of a Metaphor

Sheldon: Hello, Nora.
Nora: Hey, there's my favorite patient! What hurts today?
Sheldon: Tummy troubles.
Nora: Oh, no. Sorry to hear it. Let me grab your file.

Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

Mary: Sheldon, I didn't change anything. Can I get back to work now?
Sheldon: I suppose so.
Mary: Thank you. Bye.
Sheldon: Don't I get an "I love you"?
Mary: I love you.
Sheldon: One more time, with a little more energy. [dial tone] Must've been disconnected.

Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

Sheldon: I'm sorry, Pete. You were saying?
Pete: Any chance your bread was past the expiration date?
Sheldon: No, it was brand-new. But I did a taste comparison after it was bought out by the Domestic Food Corporation, and they are definitely not the same.
Pete: Well, I can assure you that, "the recent acquisition by the Domestic Food Corporation has not affected the quality of our products in any way. Every single bread, baked good, and pastry is made with love. From our hearth to your home."
Sheldon: Then why does it taste different, Pete? Why?
Pete: Well, because now we make everything really cheap and fast. Bye.

Quote from the episode A Loaf of Bread and a Grand Old Flag

Sheldon: Mr. Givens!
Mr. Givens: [SIGHS] Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Meemaw, this is my science teacher, Mr. Givens.
Meemaw: Nice to meet ya.
Mr. Givens: Hi.
Sheldon: This is strange, I never think of you as existing outside of school.
Mr. Givens: Well, it turns out I do.
Sheldon: And you're here buying food.
Mr. Givens: I am.
Sheldon: Fascinating.

Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast

Sheldon: Wednesday morning, the Nobel Prize winners are going to be announced in Sweden, and we'll hear it as it's happening.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, 2.8 milliseconds later.
Sheldon: Sure, because of the propagation.

Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship

Dr. John Sturgis: But we haven't cut open the pineapple yet.
Mary: You boys go ahead. We'll eat the pineapple another time.
Sheldon: But we haven't had a chance to talk about science.
George Sr.: Ooh, can Sheldon come?
Sheldon: Can I?
Mary: No.
Sheldon & John: Aw.

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

Meemaw: All right, Moon Pie. I'll see you after class.
Sheldon: Aren't you going to walk me in?
Meemaw: I think you can manage it.
Sheldon: Is it because you're trying to avoid Dr. Sturgis?
Meemaw: No.
Sheldon: Is it because you're getting old, and you're trying to limit the number of steps you take?
Meemaw: Get in there.

Quote from the episode Pasadena

George Sr.: If you want to see Stephen Hawking, we have to sit down right now.
Sheldon: It's too dangerous. I can't!
George Sr.: It's okay to be scared. Th- That's when you got to dig deep and be brave. So, what do you say?
Sheldon: No, I'm your terrified little boy!

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: (inspecting a comic book) 40 cents? Outrageous.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Ms. MacElroy: Where do you think you're going?
Sheldon: Away from you.
Ms. MacElroy: Why's that?
Sheldon: I want to live.
Ms. MacElroy: I'm not sick. Get back in your seat.
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Ms. MacElroy: You know the rules. You can't leave without a hall pass.
Sheldon: May I have a hall pass?
Ms. MacElroy: No, you may not. Now get back in your seat.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Dr. John Sturgis: O gauge trains are definitely the best.
Sheldon: "O", yes, they are.

Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Mary: What's the matter, baby? Have a tummy ache?
Sheldon: I think it's an ulcer.
George Sr.: Don't be silly. You must have eaten something.
Sheldon: No. My symptoms are consistent with an ulcer.

Quote from the episode A Computer, a Plastic Pony, and a Case of Beer

Sheldon: Sorry, Dave. We're living paycheck to paycheck.

Quote from the episode A High-Pitched Buzz and Training Wheels

Sheldon: Oh, there it is! [waving to the truck] Over here! Over here! This is exciting.
George Jr.: It's somethin'.
Sheldon: [waving to the truck] Thank you! Have a great day!