Sheldon Quotes

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Mary: Hey. What are you doing with him? I thought you were in your room.
Sheldon: Oh, don't worry. I was.
George Sr.: I need to talk to your mother. Go back to your room.
Sheldon: All right.
Mary: And this time, stay there.
Sheldon: Aw.

Quote from the episode A Secret Letter and a Lowly Disc of Processed Meat

Sheldon: Now you don't want me to go to college either?
George Sr.: I didn't say that. I'm just saying, given how young you are, we need to be realistic.
Sheldon: I'll have you know I recently took care of my own boo-boo.
George Sr.: And as grown-up as that makes you sound, I don't think it's gonna convince your mother.
Sheldon: What will convince her?
George Sr.: I don't know, but I'm sure between the two of us, we can come up with a plan.
Sheldon: Well, you managed to get her to marry you, so you do have a track record.

Quote from the episode Pilot

Sheldon: Would you like to play a driving game?
Mary: Not really. I always lose.
Sheldon: I know. That's why it's fun.

Quote from the episode A Stunted Childhood and a Can of Fancy Mixed Nuts

Sheldon: Dad, would you care for a piece of gum?
George Sr.: No, thank you.
Sheldon: Please, take a piece of gum.
George Sr.: Why?
Sheldon: Just please. Bazinga.

Quote from the episode Pongo Pygmaeus and a Culture that Encourages Spitting

Sheldon: [knocking] Missy?
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Sometimes I imagine that I'm an ion with a positive charge and they're an ion with a negative charge. It's so that whatever they say bounces off me and sticks to them.

Quote from the episode A Solar Calculator, a Game Ball, and a Cheerleader's Bosom

Sheldon: Starting today, I'm done helping the football team.
Tam: But if you do that, girls will no longer greet me like this. [head
Sheldon: I'll greet you like that.
Tam: It's not the same.

Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Dr. Hodges: Anything else?
Sheldon: Yes. I'd like a glass of water. It's time to take my Zantac.

Quote from the episode Family Dynamics and a Red Fiero

Sheldon: Oh dear, Big Bird.

Quote from the episode A Race of Superhumans and a Letter to Alf

George Sr.: Y-Your mom's at church. W-What do you want for dinner?
Sheldon: I believe you know what I want for dinner.
George Sr.: Is that right?
Sheldon: It's Thursday. What does Mom always make me on Thursdays?
George Sr.: Spaghetti and hot dogs?
Sheldon: [to the camera] Socrates. Got to love him.

Quote from the episode A Tummy Ache and a Whale of a Metaphor

Sheldon: Hello, Nora.
Nora: Hey, there's my favorite patient! What hurts today?
Sheldon: Tummy troubles.
Nora: Oh, no. Sorry to hear it. Let me grab your file.

Quote from the episode Albert Einstein and the Story of Another Mary

Sheldon: And now we see how it helps my science. Hmm. Hmm [groans] Come on, think. Probably needs more "Twinkle, Twinkle."

Quote from the episode A Swedish Science Thing and the Equation for Toast

Sheldon: Wednesday morning, the Nobel Prize winners are going to be announced in Sweden, and we'll hear it as it's happening.
Dr. John Sturgis: Well, 2.8 milliseconds later.
Sheldon: Sure, because of the propagation.

Quote from the episode A Pineapple and the Bosom of Male Friendship

Dr. John Sturgis: But we haven't cut open the pineapple yet.
Mary: You boys go ahead. We'll eat the pineapple another time.
Sheldon: But we haven't had a chance to talk about science.
George Sr.: Ooh, can Sheldon come?
Sheldon: Can I?
Mary: No.
Sheldon & John: Aw.

Quote from the episode A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

Meemaw: All right, Moon Pie. I'll see you after class.
Sheldon: Aren't you going to walk me in?
Meemaw: I think you can manage it.
Sheldon: Is it because you're trying to avoid Dr. Sturgis?
Meemaw: No.
Sheldon: Is it because you're getting old, and you're trying to limit the number of steps you take?
Meemaw: Get in there.

Quote from the episode Pasadena

George Sr.: If you want to see Stephen Hawking, we have to sit down right now.
Sheldon: It's too dangerous. I can't!
George Sr.: It's okay to be scared. Th- That's when you got to dig deep and be brave. So, what do you say?
Sheldon: No, I'm your terrified little boy!

Quote from the episode A Therapist, a Comic Book, and a Breakfast Sausage

Sheldon: (inspecting a comic book) 40 cents? Outrageous.

Quote from the episode A Brisket, Voodoo, and Cannonball Run

George Jr.: This is really good, Meemaw.
Meemaw: Really good? You're spitting the best brisket in Texas all over the damn table.
Mary: Close your mouth when you eat.
Sheldon: Or aim your face the other way.

Quote from the episode A Sneeze, Detention, and Sissy Spacek

Ms. MacElroy: Where do you think you're going?
Sheldon: Away from you.
Ms. MacElroy: Why's that?
Sheldon: I want to live.
Ms. MacElroy: I'm not sick. Get back in your seat.
Sheldon: No, thank you.
Ms. MacElroy: You know the rules. You can't leave without a hall pass.
Sheldon: May I have a hall pass?
Ms. MacElroy: No, you may not. Now get back in your seat.

Quote from the episode Summer Sausage, a Pocket Poncho, and Tony Danza

Dr. John Sturgis: O gauge trains are definitely the best.
Sheldon: "O", yes, they are.

Quote from the episode A Patch, a Modem, and a Zantac

Mary: What's the matter, baby? Have a tummy ache?
Sheldon: I think it's an ulcer.
George Sr.: Don't be silly. You must have eaten something.
Sheldon: No. My symptoms are consistent with an ulcer.