Dale: You know, I have a buddy whose nephew is a lawyer. He's gonna help us out.
Sheldon: Is this because I haven't passed the bar yet? Because that's just a formality. A monkey could do it.
Meemaw: No, I... I think that I'd just feel a little more comfortable if I was getting advice from somebody who had a little more professional experience.
Sheldon: Okay. I mean, I've been doing this for a day and a half, but suit yourself.

Sheldon: Toy.
Meemaw: Toy.
Sheldon: Taxidermy.
Meemaw: Taxidermy. Toy?
Teddy Bear: [music plays] Hi. My name is Teddy Ruxpin. Can you and I be friends?
Sheldon: Nightmare.
Meemaw: I'll start a new box.

Mary: What's he doing here?
Sheldon: Meemaw's letting me organize everything.
Mary: You're farming out your community service to my son?
Meemaw: How about thanks for getting him to the church?
Mary: [exhales] Come on, Sheldon, we're going home.
Sheldon: But I haven't even started on the hats yet. There's so many different kinds. Baseball, cowboy, hard...
Mary: Now. [Sheldon groans]

[fantasy:]
George: See y'all later.
Mary: 4 o'clock.
Sheldon: Dad, wait.
George: Yeah?
Sheldon: Bye.
George: Bye, son. [nods and exits]

Sheldon: Mandy, did you change the topic to fried chicken because my topic was awkward?
Mandy: I did.
Sheldon: And is it awkward that I'm bringing it up again?
Mandy: It's getting there.
Sheldon: It's not a magic chair, anyone can sit there, and even if spirits existed, which they don't, they can't call dibs on furniture.

Mandy: So, tell me about this girl you kissed.
Georgie: Can we please talk about something else?
Mandy: Fine.
Sheldon: Her name was Veronica Duncan, and he was madly in love with her for years.
Georgie: End of discussion.
Missy: She kind of looked like you.
Sheldon: Except taller and younger.
Missy: Mm-hmm.

Missy: It's so empty.
Sheldon: I know you're eager to turn it into a ballet studio or... a gossip parlor or whatever it is girls your age enjoy.
Missy: Everything is just so different lately.
Sheldon: Change is terrible. I've been saying it since I no longer fit in my high chair.
Missy: We spent a lot of time together in this room, huh?
Sheldon: We did.

Mary: Shelly, you don't really need a tie.
Sheldon: I have to find my tie. I have to find my tie.
Mary: Be right back.
Sheldon: Professor Proton wears a bow-tie!

Tam: Since when do you drink coffee?
Sheldon: I don't, but this job is killing me. You wouldn't understand.
Tam: You realize I have a job.
Sheldon: At your parents' convenience store? That doesn't count.
Tam: Why not?
Sheldon: You get to sit at a cash register and have the fun of doing math.
Tam: Actually, the cash register tells you how much change to give.
Sheldon: Oh. That's too bad.

Sheldon: [knocking] Missy?
Missy: What?
Sheldon: Sometimes I imagine that I'm an ion with a positive charge and they're an ion with a negative charge. It's so that whatever they say bounces off me and sticks to them.

Sheldon: [emerging from the boys' room] Well, that was revolting.
Mary: [arriving at Sheldon's homeroom] All right. This is your homeroom. Do you want me to go in with you?
Sheldon: No. Although I could've used you in the restroom.

Sheldon: Hello, gentlemen. Did you watch any sports programs over the weekend? That's what I like about Or perhaps did some kissing with girls? Can you hear me?

Sheldon: That's brilliant. Mm. Now, how is it that you can't count?

Mary: But if the book's not working-
Sheldon: It isn't. But I realized if I find the other people who checked out the book, they'd be looking for friends, too.
Mary: That's really smart.
Sheldon: Missy thought of it.
Mary: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I'm as surprised as you are.

Mary: Shelly, put your hand down. [To Pastor Jeff] Sorry. Please continue.
Pastor Jeff: It's okay, Mary. It's Sheldon, right?
Sheldon: Yes, sir.
Pastor Jeff: Well, Sheldon, why don't you come on up here and tell me how I'm wrong.
Mary: No.
Sheldon: Okay.