Sheldon: That doesn't go there.
Missy: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon: Canned beans next to jarred preserves?
Missy: Who cares?
Sheldon: I care.
Missy: Well, no one cares that you care.
Sheldon: I'm someone. And I care that I care. And I care that I care that I care.

Missy: Are we done?
Mary: What's your hurry?
Missy: It's paternity test day on Ricki Lake and I'm missing it.
Sheldon: If people paid more attention of what belongs where, there'd be no need for paternity tests.

Sheldon: Finished organizing the religious items. I separated them by New Testament hokum, Old Testament hokum, and general nonsense.
Mary: Also, Sheldon couldn't sleep knowing the room was only half-organized.
Sheldon: It's true. It was like my brain was itchy and I couldn't scratch it. Very irritating.
Mary: It was. [mouths] Very.
Meemaw: Well, I thank you both, but... I should be doing this myself.
Mary: Yes, you should, but we're already here.
Sheldon: Great, I'm gonna start on the books. I invented my own Dewey Decimal System, but instead of decimals, I use fractions.

Sheldon: If W is the Kähler metric on the algebraic variety X, and the canonical bundle KX is trivial, then X is what?
Dr. John Sturgis: A Zariski space.
Sheldon: Wrong. [slaps Dr. Sturgis's hand with his pencil]
Dr. John Sturgis: Hey!
Dr. Linkletter: Obviously, it's an elliptic curve.
Sheldon: Wrong. [slaps Dr. Linkletter's hand with the pencil]
Dr. Linkletter: Hey!

Dr. John Sturgis: Why are you hitting us?
[flashback:]
Mei-Tung: Wrong.
Sheldon: Ow! Why'd you hit me?
Mei-Tung: Pain is the best teacher.
[present:]
Sheldon: I'm teaching you.
Dr. Linkletter: Well, it feels like you're hitting us.
Sheldon: Like you, I struggled with these concepts, but eventually, I mastered them, through hard work, resilience and a healthy dose of knuckle whacking.

Dr. Linkletter: Son, we are accomplished scientists. We won't be treated like this.
Sheldon: Very well.
[flashback:]
Professor Salzman: Class, who knows where the dummkopf went wrong?
Sheldon: Dummkopf? You're calling me a dummy?
[present:]
Sheldon: There's also public humiliation. That was quite effective. Are you old dummkopfs ready to learn, or is it past your bedtime?
Dr. John Sturgis: Oh, I'm good till at least 7:30.

Sheldon: There's still so much to do before I go: write my graduation speech, last trip to the comic book store, last lunch with Tam at the high school.
Mary: I didn't know you and Tam were still friends.
Sheldon: Why would you think that?
Mary: Because you never see him.
Sheldon: My favorite kind of friend.

Adult Sheldon: My world had been rocked, but it was nice to know there were some things that would always stay the same, like lunch with my old friend, Tam.
Tam: Why are we here?
Sheldon: This is where we always eat.
Tam: You know I graduated last year.
Sheldon: Oh, good for you. So, where's your food?
Tam: When you invited me to lunch, I thought you meant like a restaurant.
Sheldon: That's okay, I'll share my sandwich.
Tam: You still don't eat the crust?
Sheldon: Cutting them off gives my mother purpose.

Mary: This is our little boy's room.
Sheldon: [geiger counter clicking] Might want to stay there until I finish my sweep.
George: What are you doing?
Sheldon: You said the realtor was coming over today. I wanted to make sure my room wasn't still radioactive.
Mary: Oh, it was never radioactive.
Sheldon: We don't know that. I did have radioactive material.
George: There was no radioactive material. The FBI stopped him before he got any.
Sheldon: Oh, you're talking about the uranium I tried to buy. I'm referring to the americium isotopes I was using to make a nuclear reactor.
George: [to the realtor] Don't write that down.

Missy: Are you nervous?
Sheldon: Yes. What if no one likes me in California?
Missy: No one likes you here.
Sheldon: No one understands me here. There's a difference.

Sheldon: If I get stung by a bee, I'm turning you in to child protective services.

Meemaw: What am I smelling?
Sheldon: I'm wearing peppermint oil. It's a natural bee repellant.
Missy: You smell like a candy cane.
Sheldon: Do not lick me.

[fantasy:]
George: See y'all later.
Mary: 4 o'clock.
Sheldon: Dad, wait.
George: Yeah?
Sheldon: I have been, and always shall be, your friend.
George: Live long and prosper.
[George gives Sheldon the Vulcan salute, which Sheldon returns. George gives Sheldon a subtle nod and maintains eye contact as he leaves.]

Sheldon: [enters] That's my spot.
Dale: Oh, sorry. [moves over] Here, have a seat.
Sheldon: I don't want to sit there, that's just my spot.

Pastor Jeff: Let me remind you that Emmanuel means "God with us," and I promise you, he is. Now, let's all bow our heads in silent prayer.
[As Pastor Jeff, Mary and the rest of the congregation lower their heads, Sheldon pulls something out a bag]
Mary: What is that?
Sheldon: It's my new laptop. Dr. Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter gave it to me as a graduation gift. [laptop beeps]
Mary: Why is it here?
Sheldon: It's a laptop. This is where my lap is.
Missy: Does it have games on it?
Sheldon: Solitaire and Minesweeper.
Missy: Let me try.
Sheldon: No.
Mary: Put it away.
Pastor Jeff: Uh, Coopers? Is there an issue?
Mary: No, no. Keep praying. We'll, uh, catch up.