Sheldon: I don't even care about church, and I can name them all.
Paige: So can I.
Sheldon: No, you can't.
Paige: Yes, I can. I can even do it in alphabetical order.
Sheldon: Well, I can name them in the order they appear in the Book of Matthew.
[Sheldon and Paige raises their hnads]
Pastor Jeff: Paige, yes.
Paige: Peter, Andrew, James, son of Zebedee, John, Philip, Bartholomew, Thomas, Matthew, James, son of Alpheus, Thaddeus, Simon and Judas. And that's the order that they appear in the Book of Matthew.
Pastor Jeff: Fantastic! [chuckles] You just won yourself a psalm 100 bookmark.
Paige: [chuckles] Thank you. I love that psalm. [applause]
Adult Sheldon: You would think winning a Nobel Prize in Physics would make this moment meaningless to me, but all these years later, it still burns my butt.

Ms. MacElroy: Now, can anyone tell me why Melville shifts the narrative voice from Ishmael to Ahab? [Ms. MacElroy waits for somebody else to raise their hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: I have a tummyache. I'd like to see the nurse.
Derek: A "tummyache"?
Sheldon: Yes, Derek, I have a tummy and it aches. Ergo, tummyache.
Derek: "Ergo"?
Sheldon: It's Latin, Derek.
Ms. MacElroy: Go to the nurse.
Sheldon: And to answer your question, the shifting point of view grants the reader a broader perspective of events than typically allowed by first-person narration.
Ms. MacElroy: Where were we?
Sheldon: And "ergo" is Latin for "hence," Derek.

Pastor Jeff: Come on up here, Sheldon. Let's hear what you got.
Sheldon: I've spent the last week studying what people believe, and I've come to a conclusion.
Pastor Jeff: And what's that?
Sheldon: I'm starting my own religion.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sorry, what?
Sheldon: I'm calling it Mathology. It's based on a universal binary system.
Pastor Jeff: That's terrific, Sheldon, but this is a Baptist Sunday school.
Sheldon: I know, I'm here to convert everybody. Any takers?
Pastor Jeff: Okay. Let's go have a talk with your mom.
Sheldon: The only sin in Mathology is being stupid.

Mary: Too bad. We are going.
Sheldon: Class is starting tomorrow. I'm not going anywhere.
Mary: Sheldon, do not argue with me. You are going home.
Sheldon: Mom, the people of Germany are obsessed with rules and devoid of humor. I am home.

Paige: Look at these suckers trying to compete for a stupid bookmark.
Sheldon: They probably don't even know psalm 100.
Paige: Or what a book is.

Missy: Why don't you believe in God? [Sheldon raises his hand] Sheldon.
Sheldon: Because science explains the universe without the need of inventing a supernatural being.
Missy: But how do you know for sure He doesn't exist?
Sheldon: Ooh. [raises hand]
Missy: Stop that.
Sheldon: The burden of proof isn't on me. If I said there was an invisible monkey in the room with us, you shouldn't believe me just because you can't prove me wrong.

Pastor Jeff: Now, for a psalm 100 bookmark, who can name the apostles? [Billy raises his hand] Billy.
Billy Sparks: Sleepy, Grumpy, Doc...
Pastor Jeff: Those are dwarves. Anyone else?