Sheldon: Why is there still a placemat there?
Mary: That's your father's seat.
Sheldon: But he's not here.
Mary: He's here in spirit.
Sheldon: No, he's not.
Missy: Shut up, Sheldon.

Libby: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I need to use the bathroom, but it can get uncivilized in there.
Libby: Anyone in there now?
Sheldon: I don't know. I was afraid to find out.
Libby: Anybody in here? Go ahead. I'll stand guard.
Sheldon: Where have you been all my life?

Dr. John Sturgis: It's my first time going to a casino.
Meemaw: It's amazing. There's bright lights and bells and buzzers and people yelling.
Dr. John Sturgis and Sheldon: Ugh.
[Meemaw and Missy look at each other]

George: I got you a present. Thought it might help with your figures.
Sheldon: I don't need a calculator, Dad. I am one.

Tam: What are you doing?
Sheldon: I heard you could punch a hole in these and make them double-sided.
Tam: Then it would have more storage?
Sheldon: Yes, but I didn't pay for a double-sided floppy disk.
Tam: So?
Sheldon: So it's an ethical dilemma.
Tam: We have to take a shower in the locker room next period, and that's what you're worried about?
Sheldon: Actually, I have a bathing suit under my pants.

Sheldon: "Geologists lead a sedimentary lifestyle." Libby, that is a good one.

Sheldon: He licked me! He licked me! The dog licked my tongue! I can still taste it! Call 911!

Mary: [prays] Please watch over Missy and Sheldon and especially Georgie. And please don't let my failings as a mother get in the way of Your plans for their lives. Amen. [gasps] Hey, baby. What's wrong?
Sheldon: Is it that obvious?
Mary: Well, you are outside, where birds live.
Sheldon: True. I'll make it quick. I'm experiencing what the Germans call weltschmerz.
Mary: Uh-huh. And what do Americans call it?
Sheldon: The pain of the world.
Mary: Sounds more fun in German.
Sheldon: Most things do.

Sheldon: Hello, George.
George: What?
Sheldon: I do admire your thick head of hair George.
George: Thanks. What's going on?
Sheldon: Well, I'm practicing the principles in this book.
George: Why?
Sheldon: Well, I know Mom is concerned that I don't have any friends, so I'm determined to remedy the situation.
George: Oh.
Sheldon: George.
George: Well, good for you.
Sheldon: Do you feel complimented when I say your name, George? The book says you should. George.
George: I suppose. Kind of overdoing it a little, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, thank you for your criticism. It also says I should praise any improvements that you've made.
George: Okay.
Sheldon: I'll get back to you. George.

Tam: Are you okay?
Sheldon: No, I'm not. [slides over his paper]
Tam: Yeah, so?
Sheldon: A B-plus that's the beginning of the end.
Tam: The end of what?
Sheldon: My life. If I don't make some changes, who knows how far I'll fall. I could wind up a drug addict, or a lawyer.

Sheldon: Dad? Dad? Dad? - Dad.
George: What?
Sheldon: Georgie keeps kicking me.
George: Kick him back.
Sheldon: I'd rather not touch him.

Sheldon: You're gonna be a geologist. That's fascinating. Why'd you choose that?
Libby: When I was a little girl, my grandparents took me to Carlsbad Caverns, and I was hooked.
Tam: Exploring caves, that is super cool.
Sheldon: Disagree. Dark, enclosed spaces are terrifying. I get scared putting on a sweatshirt.
Libby: Hmm.
Tam: I've seen it. Pretty entertaining.

Tam: So we eat in the library every day. You're welcome to join us.
Sheldon: It's much better than the cafeteria. It's quiet, and a lot less food gets thrown at us.

Sheldon: I think the best space shuttle name so far is Discovery.
Tam: What about Challenger?
Sheldon: Too in-your-face.
Libby: Atlantis?
Sheldon: A fictional island that couldn't stay afloat? I don't think so.
Tam: There's the Enterprise.
Sheldon: There is, and it's on Star Trek, where it belongs.

Mary: Hey. I want to talk to you.
Sheldon: Hold on. Let me bring this into the station so as not to disappoint my commuters. They'd like to get home to their families.