Adult Sheldon: You probably think of quantum physics as a white-knuckle rush of adrenaline, like the Peter Pan ride at Disneyland. But the reality can be a little less exciting, especially when you're stuck. [clock ticking] [lights humming] [water bubbles]
Dr. Linkletter: We'll get this.
Sheldon: Perhaps a set of fresh eyes could be helpful.
Dr. Linkletter: If you're going to suggest Dr. Sturgis, I should remind you we have a complicated history.
[flashback:]
Dr. John Sturgis: And your graviton research is mediocre at best!
Dr. Linkletter: You're not qualified to judge my work.
Dr. John Sturgis: All right, that's it. [they shove each other]
[present:]
Sheldon: We'll get this.

Sheldon: Wil Wheaton plays Wesley Crusher. He's a child prodigy who's very young to be on the bridge of a Galaxy-class starship.
Missy: Okay.
Sheldon: But he's so intelligent that most people come to rely on him.
Missy: Okay.
Sheldon: Sounds kind of familiar, huh?
Missy: Okay.

Mary: I'm not buying it. I'm thinking about selling it.
George: You?
Mary: Yes, me. Wouldn't hurt to have extra money.
Sheldon: But you already have two jobs... church and mom.
Mary: Well, that second one doesn't pay much.
Sheldon: I do your taxes. The first one doesn't either.

Sheldon: Okay, I enjoy Mr. Data, but he's clearly just a Spock rip-off. [all murmuring]
Nathan: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Data wants to be more human, Spock wants to be less human. How is that the same?
All: Yeah!
Sheldon: Well, I think we can all agree that William Shatner is the better actor. [others murmuring in agreement]
Nathan: Patrick Stewart is classically trained. He's a member of the Royal Shakespeare Company.
Sheldon: He's too subtle. When William Shatner plays an emotion, my shoe can tell what it is. [murmuring, laughter]
Mr. Givens: Well, if you like big acting, [with accent]: have I got a show for you, dear boy. [silence]
Nathan: And Kirk is a terrible captain. He always puts the ship in danger. Picard would never do that.
Sheldon: Oh, I'm sorry, I guess Picard never got assimilated by the Borg.
All: Oh, yeah.
Adult Sheldon: Our verbal fisticuffs may have seemed unfriendly, but the truth is, we were engaged in a glorious tribal dance, like the revelers at Daytona Beach.
Nathan: I will admit, Wesley Crusher is the worst.
Sheldon: Now you're knocking Wil Wheaton. He's the best part of the show.
Nathan: He's an annoying know-it-all.
Sheldon: [scoffs] Yeah, that's what makes him lovable.

Mary: What is going on? Sheldon, are you okay?
Sheldon: My stomach hurts.
Darren: He's gonna throw up.
Mary: Did you give him beer? Did they give you beer?!
[Mary follows Sheldon, Darren and Oscar into the dorm room]
Sheldon: Just root beer.
Mary: It's gonna be okay, baby. [Sheldon throws up] Oh. Why is it so colorful?
Sheldon: Too many... [gags] Skittles. [retches]

Sheldon: Mom, savor this moment. Can you take me to church?
Mary: Uh, I'm a little busy. Can it wait?
Sheldon: No. I've come up with a plan to bolster RadioShack's market share, and I need to fax it to corporate.
Mary: I'll tell you what, I'll take it with me in the morning and do it then.
Sheldon: But our stock is in a slump, and CompUSA is nipping at our heels.
Mary: If you really want to be helpful, you could set the table.
Sheldon: Why should I help you with your job if you won't help me with mine?
Mary: Sheldon.
Sheldon: This is important. My plan is to turn RadioShack into a shopping destination, a megastore complete with restaurants and games and electronics. Kind of like Six Flags, except with less screaming and vomit.
Mary: I'm not taking you.
Sheldon: How can I be a business tycoon if my mommy won't drive me places?

Paige: You didn't stay for the Q and A.
Sheldon: I had no Q's, and therefore, needed no A's.

Paige: You got a roommate?
Sheldon: No, it's a single.
Paige: I have a chaperone. Mona. She's, like, 30. It's the worst.
Sheldon: Why do you need a chaperone?
Paige: Maybe they think I'm, like, some kind of troublemaker.
Sheldon: As the owner of the face you punched, they're right.

Paige: So, did you guys get, like, assigned to look after Sheldon or something?
Darren: No, he ended up in the room next door.
Oscar: So we took him in, like a dog.
Paige: Him being so young isn't, like, weird?
Sheldon: I'm basically 50.
Darren: And we're basically 12, so it all works out.

Sheldon: Paige is staying in my dorm room, and I'm making her a care package.
Missy: Why?
Sheldon: She wants to drop out of college, and she hasn't told her parents yet.
Missy: And she came to you?
Sheldon: She said I'm the only one who would understand.
Missy: Do you?
Sheldon: Nope.

Missy: What else you bringing her?
Sheldon: Toothbrush, toothpaste, pajamas, and these feminine napkins. Is one box enough?
Missy: Should be plenty.
Sheldon: I hope so. She's been awfully moody.
Missy: Maybe you aren't the best person to be handling this.
Sheldon: Agreed, but I'm all she's got.
Missy: I feel like you should tell Mom.
Sheldon: I promised I wouldn't.
Missy: I know, but this sounds serious.
Sheldon: I got her a toothbrush and lady pads, what more can I do?

Sheldon: Oh, I'm assuming you heard the bad news.
Mary: What news?
Sheldon: Isaac Asimov died.
Mary: Oh, no, is that one of your school friends?
Sheldon: What? No, he's one of the most prolific science fiction writers in the history of the genre.
George: Never heard of him.
Sheldon: Sure you have. He wrote I, Robot, the Foundation trilogy.
George: Nope.
Sheldon: Nightfall? The Posotronic Man?
George: You ever heard of this guy?
Mary: Mm-mm.
Sheldon: Caves of Steel. Hostess. The Naked Sun?
George: Whoever he is, sorry he died. Gotta go. Bye.
Mary: Bye.
Adult Sheldon: Astonishing. Asimov wrote almost 500 books, which was apparently 500 more than my family had read.

Missy: [groans] Mom and Dad are still really upset.
Sheldon: With good reason. She's awfully old to be having a baby.
Missy: Is it really dangerous?
Sheldon: Not with modern science, but back in pioneer times, we'd be burying her down by the crick.
Missy: I'm just saying they're cranky enough, so don't be a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: I'm always on my best behavior. You're the hormonal firecracker around here.
Missy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: And thar she blows. Moby Dick. It's a book.

George: Where the hell's my travel mug?
Mary: I think Georgie took it, dear.
George: That son of a gun.
Mary: Missy, your father's gonna take you to school today.
Missy: Thanks, Daddy. I hope it's not too much trouble.
George: [smiles] No trouble at all, my little angel. [Mary smiles at Missy, too]
Sheldon: [to Missy] Why'd you say they're cranky? They're fine.

Adult Sheldon: I was struggling to focus and needed help. Luckily, there was someone on campus I could always count on to lend a friendly ear. A second mom, if you will.
President Hagemeyer: What now?
Sheldon: You said if I ever had a problem, I could come to you and you'd fix it.
President Hagemeyer: When did I say that?
Sheldon: September 13th, 1991. You had just eaten a poppyseed bagel and had one stuck in your teeth.
President Hagemeyer: I'll take your word for it.
Sheldon: It was right here. How did it not make you crazy? It made me crazy.
President Hagemeyer: What do you want?
Sheldon: My family's falling apart.
President Hagemeyer: Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Uh... what do you want me to do?
Sheldon: Fix it.