George Sr.: Come on, Sheldon, think of it as a free dinner.
Sheldon: I'm a kid. All my dinners are free.

Principal Petersen: Our next young speaker needs no introduction, but that didn't stop him from writing one and making me read it. [laughter] "Fun fact." [audience groans, murmurs] I hear you. "The word 'valedictorian' is from the Latin 'valedicere,' meaning 'to say farewell.' It is primarily used in the United States, Canada, the Philippines and Armenia." Maybe that fact's more fun in Armenia. Please welcome your valedictorian, Sheldon Cooper.
Mary: Yay, Shelly!
Sheldon: Hello. I'm not very comfortable speaking in front of crowds. But there's a technique to reduce stage fright by focusing on one person in the audience and delivering your speech just to them. That's what I'll be doing today. If it weren't for this person, I wouldn't be here right now. They've taught me a lot, and it's by their example that I found the courage to move forward into this new and exciting chapter of my life. Missy... ...this is for you. Change can be scary, but I know we're going to be fine... ...because like you said, "It's okay to be scared. We just have to do it anyway." So if any of my fellow graduates are nervous about the future, know that you're not alone. I suggest you all try to be as brave as my twin sister. That's my plan. Missy, I wish I could give you advice about middle school, but I was so smart, I skipped it. If you make it to high school, we'll talk. Thank you. [applause]

Mary: Let's say grace.
Sheldon: Hang on, safety first. [puts mittens on]
George Jr.: When are you gonna get over that?
Sheldon: I would think recent events would make you value protection.
Mary: Enough.

Missy: What's it like to not believe in God?
Sheldon: It's great. Big fan.
Missy: Are you ever afraid you're wrong?
Sheldon: About religion? Never. About other things? Also never.

George Jr.: See? They ain't allowed to dance, either.
Missy: It's like I'm watching my life.
George Jr.: That's how I feel when I'm watching Top Gun.

George Jr.: Can I put on the game?
Missy: I don't care.
George Jr.: Sweet! What's your problem?
Missy: Did you ever go to a school dance?
George Jr.: One or two.
Missy: How'd you get Mom to let you?
George Jr.: Easy. Didn't ask her. By the way, that works for all kinds of stuff.
Missy: Well, it's too late. I already asked.
George Jr.: Rookie mistake.
Missy: Why can't we have a fun religion?
George Jr.: I don't think there is one.

Dale: Now, what do you think young people talk about on their dates?
Meemaw: I don't know. But my knee's telling me it's gonna rain this weekend.