Pastor Jeff: Just wanted to bring by some get-well cards from the kids at Sunday school.
George Sr.: Well, isn't that sweet.
Pastor Jeff: Some interesting spellings of the name "George." My favorites are "Gorge" and "Garage." [chuckles]
George Sr.: Well, you tell the kids that Coach Gorge appreciates it.
Pastor Jeff: Will do.

Pastor Jeff: You must be Cain, because you're not Abel to hit the target.

Pastor Jeff: Wow, you're really getting this together fast. I feel like I'm not helping at all.
George Sr.: Oh, come on now. You cut those oranges into nice little wedges.
Pastor Jeff: I do it for the kids at Sunday school. They go to town on 'em.

Pastor Jeff: Oh, and tell Sheldon I spoke to my seminary professor, and the official ruling is: God would appear to the octopus aliens in octopus alien form and save their eight-legged souls.
Praise Jesus!

Mary: Actually, um, I could use some guidance. I got some news today, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
Pastor Jeff: Of course. Sit.
Mary: Well, I am, um, with child.
Pastor Jeff: That's wonderful! Congratulations! How far along are you?
Mary: Uh, could you keep it down just a little? I haven't exactly told George yet.
Pastor Jeff: Got it. And why not? It is his, right?
Mary: Of course.
Pastor Jeff: Apologies. Hey, I'm a pastor in a small town. You wouldn't believe the juicy things I hear.

Pastor Jeff: Mary, I hate to say this, but I think it's time for me to move on. I thought even as a teenager, I'd been called to preach the word of God, but maybe that was just my ego. Maybe I'm not meant to do this.
Mary: Don't say that. You're a great preacher.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you. But it's clear. I need to trod a new path.
Mary: Well, what would you do? Trodding wise.
Pastor Jeff: I don't know. Maybe work with my hands amongst men, on an oil rig, or a fishing trawler. I also know how to blow glass. I could turn a pretty penny at swap meets.

Pastor Jeff: I have this feeling inside that I should head home.
Mary: Well, then you got to honor that feeling, that's God.
Pastor Jeff: You're right. You want to come with?
Mary: Do you really want me there while you patch things up with your wife?
Pastor Jeff: She's less likely to throw any steak knives if we have company.
Mary: Um, if you think it'll help, I suppose-
Pastor Jeff: Great, let's hit it.

Mary: This just wasn't part of our plan.
Pastor Jeff: Well, luckily it's part of God's plan. And let me tell you about another Mary who didn't know how to tell her husband she was expecting. And her story is way weirder than yours.

Pastor Jeff: The bolo tie's too sexy, right? Knew it.

Pastor Jeff: Lock-in? I love it!
Pastor Rob: Look at that.
Mary: You always say no.
Pastor Jeff: That was before I had a baby in the house. I love him, but a night away sounds like magic.

Mary: Pastor Jeff? Everything all right in there?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, yeah. I've just been praying, napping, crying. I like to mix it up.

Pastor Jeff: You all right, Mare?
Mary: No, not really. Um. I can't stop thinking about that little girl.
Pastor Jeff: I understand. That's why it's important in these times to take comfort in our faith.
Mary: What if that's not doing the trick?
Pastor Jeff: Events like this can certainly create doubt. It happens to me more often than I'd like to admit.
Mary: What do you do?
Pastor Jeff: I roll up my sleeves and I work even harder at serving our Lord. Mary, we each have a relationship with God, and relationships take work. Get out there. Help the needy, start a Bible study, hug a stranger and tell 'em the Lord loves 'em. [CHUCKLES] But not a child; that backfires on you, big-time.

Missy: Can I throw one?
George Sr.: Sure. Okay, now, remember what I taught you. Look where you're throwing and follow through.
Pastor Jeff: Uh-oh! Dad's bringing in the big guns. Let's see what you've got, little...
Mary: Yes! Yes!
Pastor Jeff: I am baptized once again.

Pastor Jeff: Thanks again. Robin is gonna be thrilled with this.
George Sr.: Oh, don't thank me. Thank Mary. She's the one who said I had to do it.
Pastor Jeff: Just out of curiosity, did she also mention helping me build the crib at some point?
George Sr.: No.
Pastor Jeff: Well, act surprised when she does.

Mary: Pastor, would you like to lead us in grace?
Pastor Jeff: I'd be honored. Heavenly Father, thank you for this food. I pray that it nourishes and strengthens us, and bless Mary for preparing it. And thank you for the Coopers who have invited me into their loving home. They are a shining example of what a marriage can be.
One that I hope to have again someday.
Mary: Amen.
Pastor Jeff: And please give me the strength-
Mary: Sorry.
Pastor Jeff: The strength to walk this road with unconditional love and joy in my heart. Amen.

Mary: I-I'm sure it's just a rough patch.
Pastor Jeff: Boy, I hope so.
Mary: Well, if there's any way I can make your life easier, you let me know.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you, Mary. I really appreciate it.
Mary: Oh, I almost forgot, um, Sheldon's here with me today.
Pastor Jeff: [unenthusiastic] Great.

Pastor Andy: Who is my favorite apostle and why? That is a toughie. [chuckles] [Jeff looks knowingly at Mary] Although, I suppose any answer other than Judas is safe. [Mary looks knowingly at Jeff]

Pastor Jeff: It's time we hire a youth pastor.
Peg: Fresh blood. I like the sound of that.
Pastor Jeff: I already put in a call to my buddy at the Southern Baptist Convention.
Mary: So, this isn't open for discussion? It's already happening?
Pastor Jeff: As they say in the rec room Tuesday nights: "Bingo!"
Peg: [hisses] S-s-sorry.

Pastor Jeff: And then his mother put baby Moses in a basket and sent him down the river.
Missy: [raises hand] Why?
Pastor Jeff: Maybe he was crying all night and his mother and father needed a break.
And maybe his grandmother was in town to help out, but she went to bed early because she had jet lag after her flight from Dallas.

Pastor Jeff: I never thought I could love anything this much. [voice breaking] I used to think I loved my dog Waffles, but it doesn't even compare.
Mary: You okay?
Pastor Jeff: Sorry. I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping lately.
Mary: Why don't you go home? We can handle things here.
Pastor Jeff: No. No, I'm good. I got work to do. [voice breaking] Away from my son, who's probably wondering where his daddy went and if he's ever coming home.
Mary: Maybe go.