Mary: Pastor Jeff, are you still looking for a topic for this week's sermon?
Pastor Jeff: You mean the one I'm doing in 20 minutes?
Mary: Sorry, silly question.
Pastor Jeff: No. What do you got? I was gonna do Noah's ark, but Sheldon's gonna eat me alive, like those two lions would've done to those two giraffes.
Mary: Well, I've been thinking about the importance of being neighborly.

Mary: So, when were you thinking? Uh, spring, summer?
Pastor Jeff: Next Sunday.
Mary: Uh, oh. That is soon. Uh, you're not?
Officer Robin: No.
Pastor Jeff: Because we haven't, you know...
Officer Robin: But we would like to.
Pastor Jeff: But we can't 'cause I'm a pastor.
Officer Robin: But we can once we're married.
Pastor Jeff: So Sunday it is.
Mary: Okay.
Officer Robin: Or maybe Saturday.
Pastor Jeff: Ooh, Saturday. Even better.
Officer Robin: I cannot wait.
Pastor Jeff: Me, either.
Mary: Still here. [all chuckling]

Mary: Would you look at these sugar flowers?
Pastor Jeff: I'm too busy looking at the price tag. Judas Priest.

Pastor Jeff: What do you think?
Mary: How handsome! I feel like I'm in the presence of James Bond.
Pastor Jeff: Well, I don't have a license to kill, but I do have a license to officiate funerals.

Pastor Jeff: Hey. Robin says the house next door to y'all is for sale.
Mary: Oh, yeah, it is.
Pastor Jeff: Is it nice?
Mary: Uh... nice enough. Why? Are you thinking about moving?
Pastor Jeff: I wasn't, but Robin's not crazy about living in a house I shared with my ex-wife.
Mary: That's understandable.
Pastor Jeff: I want her to be happy. 'Cause I love her. Not just 'cause she's a cop with a gun. [chuckles] But that's part of it.

Pastor Jeff: Here's the payroll checks.
Mary: Thank you.
Pastor Jeff: If you need anything else, I'll be in my office, which is next door. Sorry it's so close.

Mary: I owe you an apology. I was worried about us working together and then living next door to each other, but I like you and Robin very much, and if you want to look into that house, we would be lucky to have you as neighbors.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you. That's nice to hear.
Mary: I mean it.
Pastor Jeff: Good, 'cause Robin already looked at it, loved it, put up police tape so no one else could get in. [chuckling]
Mary: Okay.

Pastor Jeff: Mary, George, thank you for the call. Tonya, apologize to the Coopers.
Tonya: Sorry.
Pastor Jeff: Oh, you're gonna be. Our trip to the Noah's Ark petting zoo, that's off.
Tonya: I'm too old for that anyway.
Pastor Jeff: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize 14 was too old to pet two of many kinds of animals. Come on. Your parents are getting a phone call.
Tonya: Great, maybe they'll send me to live with my fun uncle.
Pastor Jeff: Jerry is not fun, and he's in rehab.

Meemaw: Well, if you're gonna save our souls, we're gonna have to survive. How about you put in a word with your boss?
Pastor Jeff: Right. Everyone, hold hands. [thunder crashing] Dear Lord, please keep us safe. And not just those of us huddled here in this establishment, but all our loved ones, wherever they may be. Our family and friends. Please forgive us our mistakes and our sins, and let us come through this stronger and closer together in our faith. Amen.

Pastor Jeff: What's going on?
Mary: Mandy and Georgie are out, so I was hoping that maybe we could sneak in an early baptism for CeeCee.
Pastor Jeff: You know we don't do infant baptism.
Mary: Yeah, yeah. But I'm afraid that if we don't do it now, CeeCee's gonna end up... Catholic.
Pastor Jeff: They do love to get 'em early.
Mary: Yes. Come on.

Pastor Jeff: Oh, and tell Sheldon I spoke to my seminary professor, and the official ruling is: God would appear to the octopus aliens in octopus alien form and save their eight-legged souls.
Praise Jesus!

Mary: Actually, um, I could use some guidance. I got some news today, and I'm not quite sure how I feel about it.
Pastor Jeff: Of course. Sit.
Mary: Well, I am, um, with child.
Pastor Jeff: That's wonderful! Congratulations! How far along are you?
Mary: Uh, could you keep it down just a little? I haven't exactly told George yet.
Pastor Jeff: Got it. And why not? It is his, right?
Mary: Of course.
Pastor Jeff: Apologies. Hey, I'm a pastor in a small town. You wouldn't believe the juicy things I hear.

Mary: This just wasn't part of our plan.
Pastor Jeff: Well, luckily it's part of God's plan. And let me tell you about another Mary who didn't know how to tell her husband she was expecting. And her story is way weirder than yours.

Pastor Jeff: I have this feeling inside that I should head home.
Mary: Well, then you got to honor that feeling, that's God.
Pastor Jeff: You're right. You want to come with?
Mary: Do you really want me there while you patch things up with your wife?
Pastor Jeff: She's less likely to throw any steak knives if we have company.
Mary: Um, if you think it'll help, I suppose-
Pastor Jeff: Great, let's hit it.

Pastor Jeff: Mary, I hate to say this, but I think it's time for me to move on. I thought even as a teenager, I'd been called to preach the word of God, but maybe that was just my ego. Maybe I'm not meant to do this.
Mary: Don't say that. You're a great preacher.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you. But it's clear. I need to trod a new path.
Mary: Well, what would you do? Trodding wise.
Pastor Jeff: I don't know. Maybe work with my hands amongst men, on an oil rig, or a fishing trawler. I also know how to blow glass. I could turn a pretty penny at swap meets.