Pastor Jeff: Lock-in? I love it!
Pastor Rob: Look at that.
Mary: You always say no.
Pastor Jeff: That was before I had a baby in the house. I love him, but a night away sounds like magic.

Pastor Jeff: Okay, now our next baptism is for Sheldon Lee Cooper, our soon-to-be brother in Christ. And, personally, this is a big get for me.

Mary: You wanted to see me, Pastor?
Pastor Jeff: Cop a squat. Uh, please, have a seat. I just wanted to thank you for all the work you've done preparing for the carnival.
Mary: Anything for the church.
Pastor Jeff: I'm so glad you said that. How would you feel if... we put Sheldon in the dunk tank?
Mary: What? No.
Peg: Aw.
Pastor Jeff: But imagine how much people would pay to dunk him. We'd raise so much money.
Peg: I'm in for $20, easy.
Mary: I'm not having people throw baseballs at my son.
Pastor Jeff: They throw them at a target. He's in a cage.
Mary: No!
Peg: Boo.
Pastor Jeff: Okay. I respect your decision.
Mary: Is that all?
Pastor Jeff: Yes.
Peg: Well, damn.
Pastor Jeff: [to the heavens] I do so much for you.

Mary: Well, we disagree. Reverend Travis says that the Lord wants me to be prosperous and I believe him.
Pastor Jeff: This is nothing but a coincidence. You overpaid your taxes, you got a refund, Jesus has nothing to do with it.
Mary: You sound like Sheldon.
Pastor Jeff: I believe I know my way out. [Mary points to the door]

Georgie: You know one of the best things about working here? I always smell like dryer sheets.
Mandy: Is that a good thing?
Georgie: Compared to how I used to smell, yeah.

Sheldon: Wil Wheaton plays Wesley Crusher. He's a child prodigy who's very young to be on the bridge of a Galaxy-class starship.
Missy: Okay.
Sheldon: But he's so intelligent that most people come to rely on him.
Missy: Okay.
Sheldon: Sounds kind of familiar, huh?
Missy: Okay.

Billy Sparks: I've seen this before. They're big now, but they're gonna get small.
Missy: Yeah. It's called Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.
Billy Sparks: [whispers] If you get scared, I'm here.
Missy: Terrific.