Mary: That seems to be going well.
Pastor Jeff: It's going really well. I like her so much.
Mary: Why do you sound sad about it?
Pastor Jeff: Well, this is hard for me to say out loud. But when I'm around her, I find myself having you know...
Mary: I don't know.
Pastor Jeff: [whispers] Man thoughts.
Mary: Oh. But you're the pastor. You can't act on those.
Pastor Jeff: Hence my sadness.

George Sr.: How you doing back there?
Pastor Jeff: I've never felt so alive! Praise the Lord! Let's go to Mexico!

Mary: Pastor, would you like to lead us in grace?
Pastor Jeff: I'd be honored. Heavenly Father, thank you for this food. I pray that it nourishes and strengthens us, and bless Mary for preparing it. And thank you for the Coopers who have invited me into their loving home. They are a shining example of what a marriage can be.
One that I hope to have again someday.
Mary: Amen.
Pastor Jeff: And please give me the strength-
Mary: Sorry.
Pastor Jeff: The strength to walk this road with unconditional love and joy in my heart. Amen.

Mary: I-I'm sure it's just a rough patch.
Pastor Jeff: Boy, I hope so.
Mary: Well, if there's any way I can make your life easier, you let me know.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you, Mary. I really appreciate it.
Mary: Oh, I almost forgot, um, Sheldon's here with me today.
Pastor Jeff: [unenthusiastic] Great.

Pastor Jeff: Thanks again. Robin is gonna be thrilled with this.
George Sr.: Oh, don't thank me. Thank Mary. She's the one who said I had to do it.
Pastor Jeff: Just out of curiosity, did she also mention helping me build the crib at some point?
George Sr.: No.
Pastor Jeff: Well, act surprised when she does.

Missy: Can I throw one?
George Sr.: Sure. Okay, now, remember what I taught you. Look where you're throwing and follow through.
Pastor Jeff: Uh-oh! Dad's bringing in the big guns. Let's see what you've got, little...
Mary: Yes! Yes!
Pastor Jeff: I am baptized once again.

Pastor Jeff: It's time we hire a youth pastor.
Peg: Fresh blood. I like the sound of that.
Pastor Jeff: I already put in a call to my buddy at the Southern Baptist Convention.
Mary: So, this isn't open for discussion? It's already happening?
Pastor Jeff: As they say in the rec room Tuesday nights: "Bingo!"
Peg: [hisses] S-s-sorry.

Pastor Andy: Who is my favorite apostle and why? That is a toughie. [chuckles] [Jeff looks knowingly at Mary] Although, I suppose any answer other than Judas is safe. [Mary looks knowingly at Jeff]

Pastor Jeff: And then his mother put baby Moses in a basket and sent him down the river.
Missy: [raises hand] Why?
Pastor Jeff: Maybe he was crying all night and his mother and father needed a break.
And maybe his grandmother was in town to help out, but she went to bed early because she had jet lag after her flight from Dallas.

Pastor Jeff: I never thought I could love anything this much. [voice breaking] I used to think I loved my dog Waffles, but it doesn't even compare.
Mary: You okay?
Pastor Jeff: Sorry. I'm fine. Just haven't been sleeping lately.
Mary: Why don't you go home? We can handle things here.
Pastor Jeff: No. No, I'm good. I got work to do. [voice breaking] Away from my son, who's probably wondering where his daddy went and if he's ever coming home.
Mary: Maybe go.

Pastor Jeff: You all right, Mare?
Mary: No, not really. Um. I can't stop thinking about that little girl.
Pastor Jeff: I understand. That's why it's important in these times to take comfort in our faith.
Mary: What if that's not doing the trick?
Pastor Jeff: Events like this can certainly create doubt. It happens to me more often than I'd like to admit.
Mary: What do you do?
Pastor Jeff: I roll up my sleeves and I work even harder at serving our Lord. Mary, we each have a relationship with God, and relationships take work. Get out there. Help the needy, start a Bible study, hug a stranger and tell 'em the Lord loves 'em. [CHUCKLES] But not a child; that backfires on you, big-time.

Pastor Jeff: The bolo tie's too sexy, right? Knew it.

Pastor Jeff: Lock-in? I love it!
Pastor Rob: Look at that.
Mary: You always say no.
Pastor Jeff: That was before I had a baby in the house. I love him, but a night away sounds like magic.

Mary: Pastor Jeff? Everything all right in there?
Pastor Jeff: Oh, yeah. I've just been praying, napping, crying. I like to mix it up.

Pastor Jeff: You must be Cain, because you're not Abel to hit the target.

Pastor Jeff: Just wanted to bring by some get-well cards from the kids at Sunday school.
George Sr.: Well, isn't that sweet.
Pastor Jeff: Some interesting spellings of the name "George." My favorites are "Gorge" and "Garage." [chuckles]
George Sr.: Well, you tell the kids that Coach Gorge appreciates it.
Pastor Jeff: Will do.

Mary: I know. Um... What about the parents of the young couple?
Pastor Jeff: Well, they certainly didn't raise these kids with the right values. I only get them one day a week. The rest of it's on Mom and Dad.
Mary: [chuckles] Right. Right. Um... Oh. But, um... what if the boy's parents did want to do the right thing? I don't see how it's their fault.
Pastor Jeff: Well, didn't the boy still have premarital sex which led to pregnancy?
Mary: [exhales] Yes.
Pastor Jeff: You have to ask, where were his parents?
Mary: Mm-hmm. These are all good questions.

Pastor Jeff: Everything okay?
Mary: I feel like I'm a failure as a mother.
Pastor Jeff: What? Why?
Mary: Georgie dropped out of school, and now he's working in a gambling room. I tried so hard to keep him on the right path, and now I feel like I'm just pushing him away.
Pastor Jeff: Hey, teenagers rebel. When I was a kid in El Paso, we used to cross the border to drink beer and dance the night away.
Mary: I thought your father was a pastor.
Pastor Jeff: He was. It didn't stop me.
Mary: It's hard to imagine.
Pastor Jeff: I'm sure my father felt the same way when he found his little jefe doing the hustle en la discoteca. [both chuckle] Just picture this, but with a big ol' '70s perm. I looked like a Chia Pet.

Pastor Jeff: I have this feeling inside that I should head home.
Mary: Well, then you got to honor that feeling, that's God.
Pastor Jeff: You're right. You want to come with?
Mary: Do you really want me there while you patch things up with your wife?
Pastor Jeff: She's less likely to throw any steak knives if we have company.
Mary: Um, if you think it'll help, I suppose-
Pastor Jeff: Great, let's hit it.

Pastor Jeff: Mary, I hate to say this, but I think it's time for me to move on. I thought even as a teenager, I'd been called to preach the word of God, but maybe that was just my ego. Maybe I'm not meant to do this.
Mary: Don't say that. You're a great preacher.
Pastor Jeff: Thank you. But it's clear. I need to trod a new path.
Mary: Well, what would you do? Trodding wise.
Pastor Jeff: I don't know. Maybe work with my hands amongst men, on an oil rig, or a fishing trawler. I also know how to blow glass. I could turn a pretty penny at swap meets.